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Ive changed 100% since married.

AnotherJay June 19th, 2023

Im 37 and married ( 9 years age gap wife 46 ). Have lived a very sheltered life after about 22. Dont go anywhere apart from work and maybe for a ride thru the wilderness now and then. Im a very fit and active person im 37 but easy get away with 30 if i told someone.

My understanding of life has changed 100% and im not the person i used to be. I thought all i needed was a home, wife and enough money to get by. Now i have all the things i wanted, i feel lost and bored of anything material, things most people are longing to have. (im not rich by no means i just get by)

My partner and I went thru rough times from me nearly passing away and accusations of abuse towards my daughter from family members all proven false in court. Its a really long story. Why we live so isolated now.

Anyways today i feel like the whole world is just slaves to money and i cant un think this. Money to me is the route of all evil and control. More to the point..

I want to live to look after my body / mind ( The most important thing you will ever own and seems to be the only thing that grabs my interest ). Im convinced the cure for everything is in the body and comes from the earth. I have a rejection for anything that society says you should be doing. Working together 24/7 Its impossible to hold a conversation with my wife now as she's in the category of "brain washed society". She just wants to sit and watch tv or some shite programs or movies she's seen 100x. Any mention of doing anything else and i get "But Why?" "Why do you want to do that?" "why all of sudden are you wanting to do this or do that?" like an interrogation. So i can be healthy and live longer.. "Just seems abit strange you wanting to do that now after all this time". This makes me feel like I'm in a prison and i cant go anywhere or do anything without permission. Im mentally locked in this.

Anyone who says "talk to her" YOU CANNOT... Simple minded people cant hold intellectual conversations or discussions they just see in black and white.. Its either THIS or THAT. So it will always end up in an argument about something unrelated to the topic. Don't get me wrong she is best wife in many ways she does everything for me and cares unconditionally about me she's not fat and lazy.

Ill ask are you really going to spend the next 40 years doing this - "yes i like doing this i don't need anyone else".. I feel like i am forced to live the same life. I want to go running and do all the outdoor nature things i can feel by body yearning for it. But im F stuck in this "NORMAL life situation that everyone is supposed to thrive to have"

I dont know what to do.

3
toughTiger6481 June 19th, 2023

@MxJay19

Can you do some of the things you want ?

maybe retreats into nature and just find other things to do as she sits and watches the TV and things over and over..... Sounds like my spouse ... i just go outside and take walks as we havesome urban trails nearby etc or work in yard go to a park ........

i agree with you though cannot discuss with them as they will pick some insignifcant item and fight about it.... and they NEVER see the big picture....

slowdecline48 June 20th, 2023

Find people to talk to other than your wife, for one. A cognitive mismatch like what you described is insolvable...as someone who is also a bit smarter than the average bear (with interests & IQ scores to prove it), I definitely understand the frustration of trying to communicate with those who are mentally less endowed. Unfortunately, in my experience they are the most common type of person, no matter where you go. Your only chance--short of divorce, which may be too costly if your civil courts are anything like those in the US--is to find a few other people who share your interests &, hopefully, use their heads for more than just keeping their ears apart.

ImpudentIncognito June 20th, 2023

@MxJay19 Sorry you are going through all that. My long term relationship was with my ex-fiancé whom I had a kid with. My ex only drank, smoked, and played videogames all day. I had to do EVERYTHING for him after awhile...He didn't like doing much, he also didn't have big thoughts, just thought in black and white or just gave a neutral "Idk, haven't thought about it" answer most times and continued gaming. We tried couple's counseling, and it didn't work out.

Though... My ex was physically & mentally abusive, so not like your wife.
I dated my brother's best friend who was a bartender for close to a year, he used to have interesting thoughts, but was really shallow around his friends...Just talked about drugs a lot and had an addiction issue with it and alcohol...Found out the bartender was also a manipulative person, it's a long story...He ended up ghosting me to bang some other chick, then came crawling back and I rejected him...

As you can see, I had a hard time picking out partners.
Now? I'm happily single working on myself and spending time with my son, also building himself up.

I say life is short, and if you feel miserable, it's time to do something about it.
You want to go on vacation? Go for it!
You want to go hiking? To the beach? To a walking trail? *** yeah, do it!
You're bored and need some mental stimulation? I recommend trying new hobbies, whether that's picking up a new musical instrument, learning a new language, doing something creative like drawing or sewing, maybe even learning how to code, or even trying out a new exercise or physical activity that you haven't done yet [ex. Boxing, Muay Thai, Swimming, Weightlifting]. You can even include your daughter in these activities as well.

Also, joining groups where other people are interested in those activities as well helps.
I'm similar to you, I'm trying to leave the rat race and live a simple life in a minimalist way, similar to the parable about the "Mexican Fisherman & American Banker". I have the Mexican Fisherman's mentality of enjoying life, whereas the American Banker is about living the "American Dream" and climbing up the corporate ladder, THEN enjoying life after retirement age...I don't agree with it...

I think experiences ALWAYS beats material items...
I grew up in a poor, dysfunctional family.
At first, I thought having money was EVERYTHING which...sure...it can bring momentary happiness, but it shouldn't be at the cost of your mental health...I've job hopped due to micromanaging.
I'm trying to save money so I can retire at a young age and make passive income by eventually flipping or renting out properties...

As far as your relationship with your wife goes...
You said talking doesn't work so I ask you, do you want to be with someone whom you cannot communicate with for the rest of your life? While true, it's good that she treats you well...Do you want to be with someone who you can't connect with on a deeper level? Who DOESN'T supports your dreams & goals and constantly questions you? If anything, if you STILL want to make it work, I suggest couple's counselling...but...If she doesn't want to communicate and if she doesn't want to try counselling and DOES NOT make the effort, that is not fair to you!

Ultimately, it is your decision and it's best to weigh the pros & cons.

I'm a single parent, and I'm happily single and enjoying my life without someone talking down on me, or being unsupportive of my dreams/goals (though, I understand you have a different situation than me, my ex was physically & verbally abusive...).

Do what's best for you (and your daughter).

I wish you luck, and don't stop improving/growing as a person!
It sounds like you have a lot of aspirations and dreams, don't clip your wings!