I hate myself
I hate myself usually thinking if my life is worth it. I wonder if I'll be able to get out of this sick house one day. Can i truly love others if I'm not able to love myself ? Why do i have to wait for things to get better will it actually get better? I'm tired of always trying
Hello, marine
I know exactly how you're feeling because I have asked myself the same questions when I was going through a major depression episode. I've had a few during my life. Things will get better.
I must ask: have you talked to your doctor about these feelings? are you taking medication or going to therapy?
I won’t lie: it takes time and is not easy, but is perfectly possible with the right treatment and with the support of people who loves you. Talk to family member, a friend or even here. Feel free to send me a message.
Don't hate yourself and please, keep trying. You have to do your part otherwise I'm afraid you will be waiting forever. Being kind to yourself is the first step. Seeking professional help is important.
Trust me, you're going to overcome this. Your life is worthy. You deserve to be loved.
I'm sending you all my love and my best wishes.
Hii katia,
Thank you so much for your support i appreciate it.
And about your questions i can't go to therapy because i can't afford it I'm going through that on my own.
I've read your bio it's really empowering, you're so strong, i hope you can have your own company soon. Reading your bio made and your comment made me feel so much better. Thank you for sharing your story that's really brave.
And unfortunately i can't text you because I'm not an adult yet.
Hi marine
I hope you're feeling better today. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I'm new in 7cups and didn’t know only adults can send messages to each other, which is odd, to be honest. Regardless, I'm here if you need to talk. I'm also a listener, (my nickname is HelpingOthersLikeMe) I don't know if you can reach me specifically but talking to someone always helps. Thank you for your kind words, believe me, I've had my share of despair, self doubt and darkness. I'm sure in the near future you'll also be able to see how strong you really are and how far you can go. Lots of love and positive thoughts for you.
@marine88
I've always felt that even when we can't love others - we often love others very well, almost too well, the issue being.. we often neglect ourselves as in our needs and feelings, in expressing ourselves honestly, or are almost incapable of receiving love.
While you're waiting, how are you spending your time? What does trying look like for you?
@zaatarHoney
Thanks for your comment, i think what you said is true.
Trying for me means that i believe that life is worth living and if i fail it's fine we fail because we're humans no one have succeeded from the first try. And believing that negative feelings are not actually negative they tell me that something is wrong I've to care about myself more and try to fix what's going on. Believing that it's okay to feel negative feelings i don't have to push them away i don't have to be happy all the time. Believing that there's hope.
Sometimes it's hard to believe those things when my depression is thinking for me. Sometimes i get lost and question everything but it's life it's never going to be heaven.
I used reading today as a cope mechanism and hopefully it worked. I succeeded today to feel my feelings : )
@marine88
I made a typing error in my first response, though I feel you knew what I meant! "I've always felt that even when we can't love ourselves**"
& Of course!! Thank you for being brave enough to share- based on the energy behind your words, I am hearing all the time you've invested into your mind and all the minutes you've poured into fighting to make it to these moments that we get to connect. Fighting for as long as you have is absolutely exasperating, and exhausting- an exhaustion we can't usually remedy with a night's rest. ♥︎
& Thank you for painting a picture for me of what trying looks like for you- because clearly, it's more than trying. You're doing. You're using a lot of CBT skills in your daily living by reframing your thoughts and trying to reshape your inner-beliefs- even when depression tries to sneak in to steer the ship. You are casting mighty sails, I have to say. Using a coping mechanism too? Ooouu!! You have an incredible toolbag of ways to support yourself though I'm hearing that, despite these remarkable, brilliantly conscious efforts you make, it feels an awful lot like trying to swim upstream against a coursing river at least sometimes, am I getting that right?
With all of the wonderful ways you're intuitively guiding yourself to feel better, I'm wondering, how long have you suffered from depression, and how long have you been using these means to find peace again?
PS. What were you readin? :)
@zaatarHoney
Thanks for your caring that you replied again !!
And yeah at times it feels like trying to swim upstream against a coursing river. Most of the time I'm not feeling good which is i guess the normal of having depression and PTSD. Btw i haven't been to therapy and i know that one can't diagnose themselves but i had to name that i have so i can look for tools to manage it.
And you made me feel I'm on the right way so thank you for that : )
I've been suffering from depression for i think 3 years. I guess it's just since the last year when i searched for tools and tried to use them idk all the tools out there but I'm learning new things on the way.
I was reading A Hans Christian Andersen's story it's called the ugly duckling. i do relate to the story so much so sometimes i just read it again to have that feeling. I have not found my swan friends yet but i hope I'll find them one day : )
@marine88
I admire so much that, even though the care you deserve hadn't been accessible to you, you became resourceful and searching for the tools that could best support you- and then for one year, you've dedicated yourself as much as possible to feeling your best, and that's such an invaluable gift. When coping with possibly PTSD and depression, that's such a big deal!! 🥳 We can want to feel better but we can experience such blocks in making that happen, let alone- on our own. The efforts you've made in your own healing and recovery are worthy of celebration, even on the days where it's tough.
I've learned that while those periods of time can feel like a reset, like all the time I'd spent healing and taking care of me meant less, or even nothing... because I kept feeling looped back to square one... it was more so a setback, but that didn't mean I was back at square one because I held within my mind so much more knowledge about how to support me than I did when I'd started. I'd like to pass this onto you for the days that feel like resets - setbacks are inevitable through all of the challenges and adversities we face as people, but for the fact that you're still here and truly making the most of what you do have, and have learned, you are still winning.
If you're open to any suggestion, what could possibly be helpful is creating a "Safety Plan" of sorts - for those low phases. Low maintenance self-care and other routines can possibly help you feel more in control/more fortified. For example: If washing the dishes is something you're responsible of for yourself- have paper plates and plastic cutlery so you can just throw it out afterward, rather than letting dirty dishes/silverware accumulate which can add to our stress. I know, for me, I have a whole skincare regimen - but during low periods, I also have micellar water and face pads so I can at least take any dirt/makeup off at the end of the day rather than doing my entire skincare process, and I keep dry shampoo around if I am not in the mood to take care of my hair but want to feel good about myself. I'd also include a list of people you trust who you know you can call to lift your spirits, to talk about what you're going through or for healthy distraction. Shewwt, maybe even a little playlist of music that helps you feel more understood, or grounded. Etc etc :)
May you brave the periods of time that weigh on you heavy and that they come by less and less overtime, or that you gain access to more resources that can give your foundation the additional support you need to keep nurturing yourself. Either way, I wish you countless fulfilling days ahead.
Thank you for coming by to share with us and keep sharing with us if you'd like!
@marine88 Hi Marine! I understand what it feels like to hate yourself. I'm also a teen and deal with a lot of self-hatred and low self-esteem. I have heard many people saying "Stop hating yourself", but it is far easier said than done. But do remember that many people like you also deal with self-hatred, and you aren't alone here. Things that add meaning to our lives exist, although I agree that they can be really hard to find when we're feeling bad. I too get tired of always trying for something better. But somehow I "manage" to keep trying.
I really don't know the answer to your questions when it comes to why we have to wait for thing to be better and whether or not things will actually get better. These are questions that puzzle me to no extent. Waiting for things to get better is tiring. And not knowing where things will get better makes stuff very uncertain. But something I do believe is that things will get different.
When it comes to not having access to professional help, I can very much relate. I get that it can be really hard to have to deal with everything by yourself, especially as a teen.
@exuberantBlackberry9105
Thanks for your reply. By reading it i felt not alone also felt a part of this community although I'm new here. I'm really sorry for what you're going through but as you said we're not alone.
Not having professional help sucks ofc. It makes me sad most of the time.
@marine88 Oh, you're welcome. I like talking to people who share similar experiences. You don't have to be sorry for me, it's not your fault. But that's right, there are others just like us are we aren't alone. I can relate to being sad about not having access to professional help. Especially when people suggest seeking professional help and emphasize how great it can be, it can be really saddening to be constantly reminded of something we don't have access to.
@exuberantBlackberry9105
Yeahhhhh i agree actually i thought I'm kinda the only one who doesn't have access to professional help it's a little bit comforting to know I'm not alone although logically i shouldn't be but that's not how i felt. Life is just not fair but hopefully one day we'll find the proper help we need : )
@marine88 I'd agree that it is really easy to think "I'm the only person who can't access professional mental health care", (even I used to think this way) especially since it's not something we get to see a lot, and many people probably don't feel comfortable admitting that they don't have access to professional help (just like I didn't feel comfortable admitting this, for a long time). That doesn't mean that there aren't people who don't have access to professional help — I read somewhere that over half of the Indian population does not get the required mental health treatment. I don't know about other countries, but I'm talking about mine. But regardless of what country you live in, there's no way you could be alone when it comes to access to professional help.
@marine88 I feel the same Marine , Life really stinks I have several severe medical conditions that keep getting worse . the Doctors say there’s nothing they can do to help except slow it down . I can’t take prescription Pain medicine because it’s a Nervous System Disorder . So I pretty much just sit on the couch and bed most of the time. I can’t stand or walk for very long. And this was been going on for over 3 years now. I don’t think I can take much more of this. That why my profile name is OnlyDarkness. Because that’s all I see now. Be Strong Marine .
@OnlyDarkness
I don't know what to say actually but I'm really really sorry for what you're going through. You told me to be strong and you have to be strong as well actually you are already strong, being here means you're a strong person and also a kind human that you tried to make someone else feel better. You're not alone, there will always be someone to listen to you. Hope you have a good day : )
@marine88
Listen ... no ones life is worthless everyone is worthy
You are absolutely worthy of everything you like
But hey who will grab it for you? You will have to cause only you can make your life better I hope you get nice and loving people around you but please never say that again that you are unworthy:( ❤🌚
I’m sorry you are feeling that way, I hope you are able to find purse and know how much you actually mean to your loved ones.
Are you engaged in counseling? What do you like doing for yourself?
@marine88
I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing such overwhelming thoughts and feelings. It's important to remember that you don't have to face these challenges alone. Reach out to a mental health professional, counselor, or therapist who can provide you with the support and guidance you need during this difficult time. They can help you navigate these emotions and work towards a healthier and more positive mindset.
While it may feel like an uphill battle right now, it's important to hold onto hope. Many people have gone through similar struggles and have found ways to overcome them. Your life has inherent value, and there are people who care about you and want to help.
Loving oneself can be a complex journey, and it's common to struggle with self-acceptance. But remember, it's not a prerequisite for loving others. You are deserving of love and support, even if you're still working on loving yourself fully.
Can you try to love yourself instead? Love yourself for still trying, love yourself for wanting something better for yourself, love yourself for coming here and writing your feelings out, love yourself for understanding that you’re feeling this way.
nothing is permanent.
Typed a long post, but I wanna leave you this quote to ponder :
When Charles Bukowski wrote, " I've got to decide: To ki*l myself or love myself" and when Alanis Morissette sang,"To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler than I've been to me!"
@marine88
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It can be incredibly challenging to struggle with self-worth and to find meaning in life. Remember that you don't have to face these feelings alone, and reaching out for support is a brave step. It's important to remember that healing and finding meaning can take time, but it is possible.