I am not joking. I'm not making this up. I can not connect with people.
I can not connect with people. Whenever I try I come up dry. 22 years of it, or longer is enough to tell me it can not be done.
@tryingtosurvive2024
https://www.7cups.com/forum/idg/General_2633/LearningMindsetvFixedMindset_346381/
@PineTreeTree I am currently flagging my content asking to have much of it taken down.
@tryingtosurvive2024. Come on you surely can make a connection with me I am a bonder. I bond with everyone, always have. Is it lack of trying or lack of follow through? Is it low self esteem or social inadequacies. Start with an introduction your comfortable with and ask them to take the lead. I would be grateful to connect anytime. I'm 50 and been through it all nothing shocks me and I'm a great listener. No judgement.
@humble101 All I know how to do is talk and ask some questions, try to find a connection and share. Now days, nobody cares, and most people will just keep everything extremely short, some say they are busy all the time and push me away. Even when I do get something going, usually I end up carrying all of the load. I don't know how to explain it. But I think because I'm a janitor I'm just not worth anything to anyone.
Exactly
it cannot be always one sided
i I have been used bcs of my positive energy n company when I have them attention
many of them ghosted after month or few weeks or even long term friend left me for others
immense self pity n hurt
ppl don’t care
we have to be friends for ourselves:/
@tryingtosurvive2024
”All I know how to do is talk and ask some questions, try to find a connection and share.”
That is how you connect with people. You just haven’t found the people who’ll connect with you yet. But if you keep trying, you eventually will. Everyone gets what they want/need at different times, even if it’s the same thing.
“Now days, nobody cares, and most people will just keep everything extremely short, some say they are busy all the time and push me away.”
That’s the opposite of me. I’m not someone who says I’m busy and push people away. It’s happened to me. It still is. And for me it hurts me a lot so I know how it feels and don’t put anyone else through that. Just letting you know.
Hugs ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@akunknown I have a learning disability and due to that disability I ended up in a job that causes me to work late hours. Between the two issues, the only people I can interact with is the teachers at the school I clean up. They are the ones who just push me away. So the only people I get a very small chance at interacting with push me away. Yeah they probably are busy, but no matter how reduced in time I try to take, they don't want me around. What things even worse, is they are under my estimation liars. I've observed the difference between me and them. If another teacher comes around, and even if they only talked about their hair. (Yes I have been in the same room and heard it. In fact, I was trying to talk to one of them when that person jumped in front of me when I was in mid sentence.) They can talk for a long time and not act this way. That is why I'm calling them liars. They can make time for those that matter to them.
I often get asked why don't I go to club or a meetup group? Transportation and exhaustion are two big reasons. Struggling with the learning disability makes driving hard. Yes I can drive, but I can't just go anywhere I want to go. Also my job makes me exhausted. If I'm extremely tired that makes it even more difficult to drive. My third reason is, there is not a club or a meetup group in my area that I'm interested in. Every time I have searched for one, I can't find anything that would fit me.
Then people are like why don't try the internet? I have been for 22 years. People don't stick around. They ghost.
Why don't try a Church? Because in my lengthy experiences with the local Churches. At least the one's that have theology that I fit with, snub me just as bad as the teachers for the school I work for.
BTW currently I don't have any co-workers who want to connect with me either. I got one co-worker and He can't hear, and He won't go out of his way to connect with me. A few times when I was really desperate I would try with him, but He's def, He can't hear, so I got yell all my words, since He almost never puts in his hearing aids.
People ask me online, why not get another job? I'm like didn't you hear the part about my learning disability? I may not be able to jump to another job. It took me a whole year with help from a social worker to land this one! Trying to get another job is highly unlikely that I will find someone who is willing to give me a chance. It took me about 4 years to learn this one. They were patient with me because they don't care how long it takes me as long as the job gets done. Most places are not like that. If you can't get good at the job in less than 4 weeks you are gone. I know this has happened to me, twice!
Sorry about writing so much.
@tryingtosurvive2024
First off please don’t be sorry about writing so much. I’m a writer myself (not professionally as in like a job or anything like that) and love to read so I love it. Thank you for all the information you provided in your comment.
I understand everything you said about people asking you questions like why don’t you get another job, join a club, etc. Honestly I do think those are good ideas and options for you but it’s your life so I also believe you gotta do what’s best for you. And if you believe you are then there’s no reason to change what you’re doing.
I’m not a fan of the word/term “disability” I find it to be an offensive label to describe certain people or certain aspects about certain people. I try my best not to use that term. Plus I don’t believe “disabilities” in people exist. In actuality I believe it just exposes the fact that people are different and do things differently like in their own ways, their own pace, etc but none of that means they’re “disabled” It just means they’re different which is absolutely not a “disability” bc if it was everyone would be “disabled” since everyone’s different from everyone else.
If you wanna be friends and connect with someone or be pen pals, lmk I’m here for you :) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@akunknown There is a pen pal group on 7cups. It really isn't private, and it is not direct message like on other social platforms. If you want to talk about this, I guess we can do that in this thread or start a pen pal thread in that section. But I know for a fact that I have something "different" about my brain cause I do have a hard time existing within the way the world works around me. Driving is difficult and it is required for getting out there! I also have trouble understanding people, when others around me don't seem to. When I was in school, I almost didn't make it. I am not making up the part about the clubs being non existent. Some of my peers couldn't wait to graduate so that they could move away. They used to say, "there is just nothing to do here."
@tryingtosurvive2024
Thank you for pointing out that there’s a pen pals group on here but I’m pen pals with someone on here already so I’m aware of that group already.
@akunknown I thought you wanted to try to be friends??? So I don't understand your response.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Oh I thought you were telling me that there’s a pen pals group to make it known to me that there’s is one on here.
My response to that was I already knew that there’s a pen pals group on here.
If you wanna be friends yes I’m up for that ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hey I'm here for ya. Ever tried Mormon Church they are great and I do not like e snobby churches. Most people are superficial and don't care about anyone besides us. I'm here and I'm bored and like new people.
@humble101 I can't try a Mormon Church cause I don't believe the way they do. I downloaded the audio copy of the book of Mormon. It was 33 hours long. I listened to the whole thing. Are you a Mormon?
Well I'm here and I've got plenty of time so let's connect . I just found a new room for rent so I'm super excited I move in tomorrow. I can't wait. Now. I can have my chihuahua Piper with me so that makes me really happy. What do you do during the day to work or anything? Love options you have to go to work
Sometimes, it takes time to find the right people to connect with. People who are willing will stay, sometimes it's not necessarily that you're dry but rather that people expect a certain something from you, like a certain reaction. Maybe you're not the type to get over excited when something or someone makes you happy -and there's nothing wrong with that! (That's just an example). My point is, sometimes, you're not the problem, sometimes you just have to find the right people and unfortunately or fortunately it takes a while. Someone will come along, don't you worry :)
@Fiyaa06 Thank you for trying to encourage me. But I give up. Why? I'm 45 years old and have had this problem my whole life. As I get older this has only gotten worse. Telling me or someone older than me "it takes time to find the right people". We older people don't have as much time left.
Well, why don't we try to connect? Like have small conversations or such? I've had my fair share of people I've interacted with. It's not fair to you that you feel like you cannot connect with people. I think everyone should feel good about themselves, even if it's just chat. Tell me about yourself, what you enjoy, what you do for hobbies (if you don't mind). If you mean more physically, then yeah, maybe I can't help there, but like I said, it's not fair to you
I had anxiety issues so bad I couldn't eat if people weren't around. Subliminals helped me get over it. Maybe you too could give it a try. All the best. :)
@tryingtosurvive2024 Hey, I think I am a schizoid. I have never been too close to anyone except my parents. I had a total of 3 people in my life whom I considered my friends. One of them doesn't talk to me anymore and another has become distant over the years. The only one I talk to lives in a different city but we keep in touch via calls and chat. He is the only person in my life right now apart from my family. I have been a loner all my life, no girl whatsoever, probably because I am on the asexual spectrum or something, but I am not even sure about that. Used to be an engineer at a power plant but due to my own mental issues or something, I fell through the cracks and am barely making some money writing captions for videos from home now and am more or less dependent on my parents. I am 38. I don't care if you are a janitor or the king of Jamaica, I would like to know you, if you want. I am not promising anything in advance like I will definitely be in touch with you forever. I have known life enough that people come and go and no one stays forever, except for a very few rare ones that are like leeches that stick to you for dear life like my friend who lives in the different city. But I can understand what you feel and what you need, because I also feel that pinch of loneliness at times that makes you want to have a stable connection in this world. So, anyways, if you do read this and still have it in you to try yet another time and maybe fail yet again...I am here. I don't know how this works...will I get an email if you reply back...I don't know.
Same here I can't connect, and it's completely my fault. I wasted people's time and good intentions because I feel boring, not up to their expectations or any humans' for that matter. The isolation has turned me into a shadow of a human being and I can't connect with the people I'm isolated with and by (my own family) maybe as an act of defiance. I just don't know what I'll do when I hit retirement.
What about 12 step meetings like aa? It may sound crazy but I do those and they are fun, talkative, accepting, and will pick you up. If all else fails call AA 24/7 FOR ANY KIND OF SUPPORT.
@humble101 if I lived by myself that would work, but my parents would think I was crazy doing that.
I feel the same way. I just don’t like people. They annoy me and make me angry. It makes it impossible for me to form a connection.