I am beyond done.
Tw- im done. i feel like im at my breaking point. im in unbearable pain from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep, if i do sleep. yesterday i tried to tell my mom i needed my pain meds and she told me to shush because apparently she was busy and i skipped lunch so my blood sugar was low and i had a headache because of it, so i completely forgot. the pain was so bad last night. like i think i ended up passing out. i have a lot of issues with my blood sugar and it likes to drop a lot but i have an eating disorder and cant bring myself to eat. i miss my boyfriend, god i know that is stupid. but i miss him. when my mom hit me, or stressed me out, he was there to remind me he loved me. when my blood sugar was low or i didn't want to eat, he was there to help me. but he got sick of me. just like everyone does. my friends couldn't give a crap and i don't give a crap either. im so beyond tired. i got lonely and started talking to my sexually abusive ex. id rather him abuse me and use me then let other people in and have them break my heart. he said things that make me uncomfortable. im not okay with it. but i know that's what i deserve. everytime i try to get support in the rooms people are there and talking and not available or the room is quiet. all i want is to see my sister dance again. that's it
@AvyIsKing this made me cry 😢 life is not easy or fair. And when your in so much pain constantly, it's draining, makes you emotional and stressed. And sometimes just makes you want to give up😞 I understand all that, I know what it's like. Right now all you want is to feel loved, cared about. You want the world to know how bad your suffering, in hopes that someone will take your pain away. I would gladly take it away, if I could ❤ but please.. Your ex... Don't go down that road, please. You won't just get to see your sister dance again, you will be dancing with her ❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
hugggssss ❤️❤️❤️ I love you. Thank you, I really needed this. I told my ex that I cant date him and I wanna be just friends but I don't trust that so ill probably block him. I love you so much lola. Also you cant have my pain, you have enough already okay?
My sister is the best dancer Ive ever seen its sk beautiful 🥺
@AvyIsKing everything is gonna be ok sweetie ❤❤hugs you tightly ❤ I'm so glad to hear that about your ex. I know things are so hard right now, but it will get better, I promise ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I blocked him. he made me really uncomfortable. things will be okay when i can move out, which is in 2 years and 1 day, its getting so close now
@AvyIsKing yep! Only a couple of years, till your new life starts ❤❤ and by then your foot will be fixed and you'll be pain free, and running marathons ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
running marathons seems tiring... im so lazy ill probably just sleep peacefully for like weeks loll
oh oh guess what?
im getting my nose peirced tonight
@Tinywhisper11 oh cool 😎 but also ouch! Good luck with that ❤❤ and yeah well you will be able to run marathons, you just won't cause we are sloths 😎
@tinywhisper11 I'm excited, i hope it doesnt hurt to bad, but i think i can handle it ahahaah
and yeah, im lazy
@AvyIsKing well its like you said. you sound like you are beyond done. I'm gonna start off that you mom should be more concerned with your health. is it possible that either your eating disorder has caused all this or could you be diabetic? diabetes has really bad blood sugar fluctuation. also I know that telling you to get your eating act together won't really do anything. I want you to feed yourself but if your not going to I recommend taking iron supplements for your blood, along with probably other supplements. low iron can also cause a lot of issues for you. now that we have the lesser important matter addressed, I wanna begin that its really accurate that when you need people, no one sees your form that you made. I see it though. I see you. I want you to be okay, and I know that your probably far from being okay, but keep pushing yourself. keep going each day and I swear on my life that one day things will be alright again. just keep going. I cant say if its true or not that your friends care. I know some people surround themselves with people who could really give to craps about them, but I do know that I at the very least care. I know that's probably not awesome because you have never even seen my face. but I care. it sounds like your boyfriend was a really important person to you. I understand how you feel. when your in a relationship that person becomes more than a significant other. they become your rock. your confidant, your goofy person, and your absolute best friend. I think that you should refrain from talking to your ex. I understand that you want to surround yourself with people who don't care, because you don't see your own worth. but you and I both know he's just gonna hurt you again. he's just gonna *** all over your relationship and its just going to make everything so much worse.
surround yourself with people who genuinely care. that's is the first step to your personal getting better journey I recommend. make a new friend. friends are a huge support and if you feel your friends are ingenuine then become close friends with someone who IS genuine. if you would like, I would more than love to support you through your journey, provide advice and just be a friend. I really am worried about the situation with your ex. I feel you should just ghost him. please please please get rid of that kind of toxicity in your life. you deserve better no matter how much you think you don't. you don't deserve to be treated like crap. you don't deserve to go throughout the day and talk bad about yourself. learn to love yourself. I tell almost everyone I write huge paragraphs to, to learn to love themselves. most people don't. its hard to love yourself because you know every mistake you've ever made. you know every flaw. you hold so many insecurities and things against yourself. you think you shouldn't be loved because loving a "person like you" is just wrong. because you think no one else does. so why should you. let me tell you, that you are wrong. everyone deserves love in their life. everyone deserves to love themselves too. you deserve that. I promise you that as soon as you let healthy love back into your life, that your whole world will turn around. I believe in you.
@EmmyMarie06
this made me cry, like i don't even have words. i am most likely diabetic, which it runs in my family and my eating disorder most likely contributed to it. i did end up blocking my ex today. i feel like crap for doing it. i really truly do. i have lost so many people in the past few years and I'm just really really tired. id say I'm in a better place than I was when I made that post but I'm not, its been a real rough past couple weeks. i do miss my boyfriend, I miss him like id miss a part of my body, not my legs ahaha. i was so scared going into it because I knew he was gonna leave a giant hole in my heart but he promised and I'm so naive. i let him love me, and he took it away, because I'm too weird.
@AvyIsKing this is a legitamate issue people suffer from. they are afraid to let someone in because you know that letting them in will hurt you if they choose to leave or things don't work out. I want you to know that this is an issue so many people suffer from. its an issue that prevent people from coming together. its a real fear, but do you think its one you could slowly work with? start small. like I said make a new in-person friend. talk to someone who sits alone in one of your classes, chances are they need a friend too :) slowly work your way up and make a new BEST friend. to keep things going as your doing this try to let go of the trauma of being let go by the people important to you. I know to some people It can feel like betrayal to them, but its OKAY to let go of those people in your heart. their mark will always remain but its okay to let those cuts heal. no need to keep wounds open. when your ready let go of your boyfriend too(unless im mistaken but it sounds like y'all broke up?)
I do wanna say though I'm proud of you for blocking your toxic ex. keep it that way. let go of those toxic relationships. don't allow people who will abuse and hurt you into your life. that will do absolutely nothing for you. its okay to be loved in a healthy way :)
above all else should you choose to do all of this, dont get mad at yourself for not being able to make instant changes. remember your human. mistakes will happen. things are gonna happen and you cant really stop all of those things from happening. changing is a hard thing to do, especially so when you have to change the people you surround yourself with. like I said I'm here if you ever wanna talk. even if its about something random that's bothering you lol.
hey avy. i wish i could’ve seen this earlier to be there for you. i’m so sorry life is brutal. but i know you’re so strong and amazing.
and i totally get the boyfriend thing. i think about my ex all the time and he like sexually abused me. and i still think he was the biggest supporter in my life despite the flaws. i’m so sorry you think people get tired of you. it’s not fair and you shouldn’t feel like that. the people who leave are just stupid and dumb for leaving you. i hope you know i’m always here for you(:
you’re awesome avy *hugs if okie*
@steph8402
*hugs* thanks, and its okay, im glad i have you here <3