How do you deal with negative interactions?
You can explain to me like I'm 5 because I'm really trying my best to understand and improve my feelings and canalizations.
How do you deal, in a healthy way, when people diminish, ignore or mock when you open up and share an issue or feeling? The situation is among inner circle and even therapists.
@SaddyMary there is no easy way 🙁 we both know it makes us upset, embarrassed even angry 🙁 I'm sorry people say not nice things to you 😥 the best thing to do is, either cut theese toxic people out of your life (which is probably the most effective way). Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ I hope things get better for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thank you for your reply and kind words. Means a lot to me. In my early twenties I started cutting my toxic relationships, but after a decade I realize I was strained from my family and have literally zero friends. So I started questioning my choices because one big part of my characteristic in being family oriented, even tho my family is not, so have close people is very important to me, but apparently this is not my path in this life, IDK. I'll keep trying to find a way to make it work.
Thank you again for your kindness and your time and effort to read my thread and replying.
Wish you the best. 🌻🙏🏼
@SaddyMary good luck with everything sweetie ❤ always here for you ❤
It can be really hard to set boundaries. I'm non confrontational so it's also hard for me but calling them out on how they're acting and letting it be known that you dont appreciate that behavior. Some people don't act right because alot of people have let them act that way without reprocussion. in a situation like your describing I might just say to myself "okay, I know not to share with you anymore." where they would be able to hear also. or however you may want to go about it. I'm passive aggressive so, that's one of my problems. I'm not sure what you are comfortable with.
@SmollOne, thank you very much for your support and reply. I kinda use this strategy with my in-laws, but I don't say to them exactly because I want to avoid fights, but I shut and keep it to myself. I try twice, after that I don't care what the people say or do, I don't open up again. I decide how long I'll be open to feel pain, right? But I realized I have no one for me to be myself and let the walls down, I'm constantly on defensive and feeling alienated, if that makes sense... hopefully I'll find something that will work better for my goals on having a wholesome inner circle.
Thank you once again for taking your time to read and reply to my thread, means the world to me.
Wish you the best. 🌻🙏🏼
I hope you can soon find those that you can be open and be yourself with <3
@SmollOne. I’m on the same page it’s a challenge for me also I Bern through a lot dealed with a lot a total 7 months of 2024
@SaddyMary I agree with the previous posts. This degrading and mocking behavior should not be happening within your inner circle and you can call them out. I would seek out better friends and support. Like those of us here😉
But if they are really close to you and you want to or have to keep them in your life, Be Brave, Speak your truth, and don't compromise.
Hey @1BraveBunny, thank you for your reply. I agree with you, this should not be happening in anybody's inner circle. Even theoretically makes no sense. If it's close is because you care, so why treat the person badly? The most hurtful thing is being the support for a lot of people, but none of them give back... I tried to find new friends for the past decade but I fail on the same issue everytime... I like this community, and it did helped me a lot of times, but it is important for me to have someone close IRL, to let the guard down and just be able to let go. Be a support and be supported. It's being a journey, let me tell you that... 🥲
I can only keep trying and hope for conquer that kind of relationship I dream...
Thank you again for taking a time for reading and replying my thread. It is very special to me.
Wish you the best. 🌻🙏🏼
Hii. I hear people diminish, ignore or mock when one already took so much effort and courage to share an issue or feeling. It sounds so disappointing and hurtful. We trust our inner circle and therapist a lot more so it hurts even more when they do these to us. It's very cruel.
Stay chill and lower expectations. It's still gonna hurt if they hurt you but at least it might help you stay professional. If your aim to to look for someone you trust to listen etc and their listening style doesn't suit you and made you feel worse, don't bother and keep looking. If your aim is to get resources, keep on telling them you need it until you get appropriate help. If they truly care about you, they would finally take it seriously. If not, then they aren't your people.
Hello, @calmingsomfortero. Thank you for your reply.
Yeah, I think that too. It is specially hurtful when I get it from therapists, exactly because what you say: it's already hard to trust and share with someone, specially when you don't know the person that deeply, be vulnerable and let them see all the hurt. Somedays, when I'm more grounded, I kinda understand because they are humans too, IDK what's happening in their lives. Maybe they are not at the best that day. But when I'm feeling vulnerable and hurt... That's tough... And that's when I think that even tho they have something going on, that's their job and they also have to attend to mandatory therapy. They shouldn't be lashing out at a patient. It's an inner war.
About the expectation... Oh boy... That one I heard a lot and I really don't know how low I can get at this point. 🤣 I don't expect best wishes on my birthday, especially from my mom. I don't expect concern from anybody when something bad happens to me, especially from my parents. I don't expect reply when I message someone, especially when I send something funny or interesting that reminds me of that person. So, I have no idea where else to go. 🤣
One thing, tho, I've been noticing it's that I stopped considering these people close to be because of that. I became detached from them and even if they do reach me, I don't care because I know they are asking for something and rarely they even ask how I am anyway. I think that's sad...
Well, but I'll keep trying until I die, so eventually I'll realize something that works for me.
Once again, thank you very much for your time and concern while reading and replying the thread. It is very special for me.
Wish you the best. 🌻🙏🏼
@SaddyMary The best option is to ignore, and if things get too heated, report them to an authority or if it's taking place online block them. Ignoring may seem like a futile option, but words and actions, even the most minor actions, have so much impact on human beings. I hope you're doing much better :)
Hi, @sophieflowers, thank you for your reply.
I've been ignoring and taking my distance from these people, but I'm also very alienated from human contact. Sometimes feels like I don't know how to talk to people anymore.
Thank you again for your words and time. Means a lot to me.
Wish you the best. 🌻🙏🏼
Hi
I like to use my method to express in an assertive way, intially this looks very labourious and illogic but sooner you found yourself familiar it becomes more easy.
I divide one page into two column and in left hand, i write whatever comes in my mind uninterruptedly , then after i finished my writing, i take a one minute break and come back in right hand column and write same thing but using asssertive way , it helps me to see the same situation in a different view, now a days you can use apps and softwares to turn your writing into a positive tone. Practising this helps me to express my self more easily and openly .
Hi, @hopefulconvo, thank you for your reply!
This is a great approach, actually. I used to do it a lot with a former psychoanalyst I used to attend to (she's retired now). I try doing that with my diary, but what really helped me back then it was her feedbacks. She used to help me to see and understand a lot of things I wasn't able to by myself. Now, when I do this I just see pain and feel the negative emotions all over again.
Said that, your reply encourage me, and even reminded me of better times, so I'll do this reflecting on same entries in different days, moods and with different feelings. Maybe this will allow me to realize but myself whatever I need to. Maybe wait a few days and try again, until the words mean something different, at least. Re-mean the negative feelings.
Thank you very very much for your time and kindness! That's a new approach I'll try, definitely!
Wish you the best! 🌻🙏🏼
@hopefulconvo Yeah, I write it allllll out, for better and for worse. Quite the stream of sadness. Sometimes takes hours. But I supressed it a lot growing up, as I got called negative by people who didn't know what was going through growing up. I didn't look the part, so to speak - everyone seems to have preconcieved notions of what people suffering from abuse emotionally should look like or something, I'm not sure.
It's not the best coping mechanism, but I kept it inside too long, too, I just find better outlets that are less obstructing now. Or better platforms for it, or something. It's not easy, I guess.
@batgirl1234
Hi
I welcome your feedback and glad you tried out this method. In every journey alone is hard and when in company of others, you will find that journey a little more manageable, when a journey become easy with company this life too can become, find me with you in every step of this de-cluttering your negative feelings and recycle them into something positive.
@SaddyMary It's not easy, depending on your vulnerability of the day. Me personally? I ignore it because it doesn't benefit my in any way to pretend that what I've opened up about was just shot down like dirt. If it's unavoidable? I confront it directly, "why would you say/treat me like that?" people who do the shooting down HATE being confronted over it.
@SaddyMary job well done!!
@SaddyMary my dad does it’s challenging difficult for me words hurt it’s verbal abuse I am called *** ugly because of hair loss from anixety stress goes continues a long time
@SaddyMary my therapist she likes the Adam’s family
