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SaddyMary
1 825 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts64 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceOctober 6, 2024
Bio

I used to be very bright, full of love, enjoying life and happy. I miss those days... Now I feel like my own shadow... Broken, sad and alone... Constantly overthinking and contradicting my self on everything (heart x reason kind of battle)... The truth is I changed a lot for the better after years of psychoanalysis, but I wasn't able to follow my own pace with my heart... My reasons for why I'm here are extremely contradicting (I need/want friends but I also gave up on making friends), but I have to do something to deal with all this even if it's uncomfortable...

Recent forum posts
Should I reach out?
Friendship Support / by SaddyMary
Last post
 October 23rd
...See more Hi guys. One of the friends I'm having issues IRL is someone I know since we were kids. Let's call her Mel. We meet when we were 9 yo (were share the same year) and we became "BFF's" by the age of 14. Mel and I have a very strange friendship. I always considered her a soul sister, and she used to claim the same for me, even tho she have a blood sister. I always thought our friendship was special, so the loyalty I had to her I never have to anyone else up to this day. First crush, first bra, first period, all the changes we were there for each other. I actually broke up two relationships because I knew she was in love with the guys and honestly I didn't care about them at the time anyway so felt like a favor to everybody. She never asked me to, I just saw them flirting when we went out and on social media too. Before we're BFF's she hook up with a guy I was hooking up first. She cried, I didn't care. He was a dog, she did me a favor. I was no saint either. I once hook up with someone she liked, but I'm my defense I asked for permission and she granted. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But nowadays she forgot that part, and she forgot what she did to me. A lot of history. Anyway, I was always the one reaching to hang out, I pay for travels and amusement parks because I wanted to share those kind of memories with her and she couldn't afford at the time. I loaned her money when she needed to treat her dog and never asked back (and I never will). I was always there when someone broke up with her, when she had family issues and because all the bullying she suffered at school. Yet, when she got a job, she just forget about me. I see all the partying with whomever and just stop replying my messages. It happened a lot when we were growing up but around ten years ago she ghosted be for about six or seven years, and out of nowhere she reply a message I sent years prior. She accused me of setting her up to cheat her boyfriend. Like, she said she thought I talked to a guy to hit on her so she would cheat her BF. I was like "whaaaaat... I don't even have a reason for that". Anyway, she apologize but at that point I started with an amazing psychoanalyst and begin questioning all my friendships and that was a red flag for me. But I'm very needy for family and deep connection, so I experiment new boundaries for us because I never had that kind of connection before nor after her. She really was my sister... Then it all started again, she's just ghosting me. I see her interacting with people but my messages are ignored. I know she's not my friend, never was. I'm ready to let her go despise my hurt and not having anything to replace this relationship. My question is: should I reach her to have some answers, or it will only open a door for fighting? Because we never actually fought before, she just disappears. I was thinking on asking if I did or said something offensive to her or something like that, because I never understand why she keeps doing that to me... Thank you in advance. SaddyMary 🌻
Introducing myself
Friendship Support / by SaddyMary
Last post
 October 23rd
...See more Hello guys,  You can call me SaddyMary. I'm female, Brazilian, 36 yo, married, with a couple of cutie cats.  I'm trying something new here. I have trust issues and I'm caught up in a series of toxic and unhealthy friendships IRL, so I'm trying to reach comfort somewhere else and break this pattern. I'm not actively looking for friendship because I already fail these approach plenty of times before, but I'm also not close to the possibility. I love real connection with a lot of sharing and caring, that would be the perfect scenario, but I'm glad to share and care at the surface level as well. Like casual talking, being a little silly, occasionally talking about something more serious and deep. I love to care and to laugh. I'm very understanding and empathetic (did I say it right?). Well, I'm primary looking for contact from another female, because I miss female friends in my life and I feel abandoned/rejected by my mom, so kind of mom issues (?!). Again, I'm not closed when it comes to male contact, I just miss female interaction. I do a lot of psychoanalysis so I'm able to identify mostly of my issues, it's source and the consequences of them. I don't know if that's important to you as well. I'll be glad to hear from you, even if it's just for a second. I may take a while to reply due to my social anxiety but I will reply you! I'm very determined to break my vicious cycle and every comment or direct message will help me get there! Thank you for reading all of that! I hope you have an amazing day! SaddyMary 🌻
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