Days and Nights
My circadian rhythm is totally messed up. I have time off from work and live alone. I tend to be a night owl, but lately I am staying up until around 4:00 or 5:00 a.m and then sleeping until 4:00 or 5:00 p.m. Part of the problem is I don’t want to be awake. I am lonely and depressed. I have lived in the same house for 28 years, and it’s in need of remodeling and has a lot of stuff I haven’t gotten rid of over the years. It overwhelms me.
I have chronic pain and recently decided to get off Cymbalta, which helps with nerve pain, because it wasn’t helping my depression. I am in the process of switching to Pristiq, and I am having my pain problems more now that I’m tapering off the Cymbalta. I sort of feel like I have to choose between pain or depression, although regardless I will likely have to deal with both at some level.
I wish I had some motivation to get up and do things, but I don’t. I don’t have insurance coverage for mental health. I am thinking of trying ketamine treatment through Joyous. It costs around $150 a month. It has great reviews. Sometimes I just feel stuck and don’t know what to do about anything!