Breaking up with my therapist
I have decided to end things up with my therapist, I have been seeing her for a year and a half and I feel I'm stuck. My main reason for leaving her is that I feel she doesn't understand how important some details are for me to be comfortable in therapy. I looked in a *** group of my city for therapists and I asked for 3 things, the therapist must be a woman as I am, to be near my house (I live in the very huge and traffic full Mexico City), and to always be presential. She reached out, she worked about 20 minutes awy from my house so it feel close enough, and she was working in person (this was a moment when some quarantine regulations were in place, so many people offered online services). For a while it worked very good, I even accepted to to see her in an another location (almost 2 hours away from my house) when covid numbers went up and our usual spot had to close, but when I requested to go back she accepted immediatly.
The real problem started like 6 months ago, when the person responsible for the space we used decided to kick her out, supossedly because of the mess her children patients had done (which is a horrible reason to kick her out btw, but has nothing to do with me). She told me she would look for another spot nearby and in the meantime we could meet in the 2 hour away place, which sound fine, but then time passed and she never mentioned that other new place and when i asked she told me the only option was to charge me more to meet close to my house, I told her that was not an option, but seeing her so far away was also incovenient because I spent a lot in gas, and lost 4 hours in the commute, I got upset and I imagine she noticed, but I also didn't liked how she responded because she told me she usually charges double and that basically she was doing me a 50% discount, I believe this to be a lie, and of course it upset me more, I am really bad at confrontation, so I settled and accepted taking online sessions, and once in a while taking them in person in the far far away place.
I don't like taking online sessions because my house is super little and my boy friend has to hide in the bedroom with earphones, and because we are in the middle of a lawsuit with the woman that lives in other of the houses of this place, because she wants to take my house away, and I have the feeling that you can hear across the walls, obviously my therapist know this, it's one of the main reasons i take therapy but somehow she don't seem to care. She is also always moving the day and time of the sessions, she offers me hours I cannot take because of my job schedule eventhough I have told her a million of times what are my available hours, and I feel that I have been over comprehensive with her, I have sacrificed my comfort in favor of hers because of my fear to confrontation, and I am pretty sure that's not how therapy should work.
I am dreading telling her, but I have stand enough.
Wow! This situation sounds so tough. I’m so sorry!
@sincerePlace8195
its good that you finally decided to stand up to it. since both of your schedules is not matching up its better to change. As a therapist , she has no obligation to understand your situation than the hours that were specified between both of you professionally.
@sincerePlace8195
Client should never have to sacrifice so much when seeking therapy, clients deserve consistency and a therapist who cares about how their client is affected. You deserve better than this and I’m sure you can find better therapists. Good luck for you
@sincerePlace8195 I'm glad you decided to do what you believe is right for yourself :]
@sincerePlace8195
Accepting you're not getting what you need is a step in the right direction and something to be proud of.
I left my current therapist yesterday. I liked him...he was kind, committed, and available. But in the end, he wasn't able to help me in the way I needed (I lost my job while working with him two years ago and have had intense avoidance about job apps, so I've been unemployed ever since).
The hardest part for me was accepting the anger I felt at spending so much time not getting helped with what I knew was my biggest problem. And feeling angry at my therapist for not understanding what I needed help on or how to do it.
I was so nervous before ending things in my session yesterday that I couldn't get out of the bath for an hour and a half, and was 20 min late to the appt.
It was scary, but I did it. And I feel so much better now. Got my first callback today from someone who does exposure therapy.
Sometimes the very act of standing up for ourselves, advocating for our needs, and leaving something that's not working to try something else is an important part of the recovery process.
I hope you are able to find the support you need.
@orangeTree959
I think you told me exactly what i needed to "hear" in that moment, thanks a lot, knowing im not the only one going through something like this helped me a lot. I told her that very day I wanted to stop, I'm having two more sessions and that's it :)
@sincerePlace8195
That's so awesome!
I was able to schedule an appointment with a new therapist who does exposure therapy, perfect for my avoidance issues. Going to do the intake on the 30th. I have absolutely no regrets about leaving the last guy.
Wish me luck!