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sincerePlace8195
1 728 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts87 Forum posts38 Forum upvotes62 Current upvotes62 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 8, 2022
Recent forum posts
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Breaking up with my therapist
General Support / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 December 23rd, 2022
...See more I have decided to end things up with my therapist, I have been seeing her for a year and a half and I feel I'm stuck. My main reason for leaving her is that I feel she doesn't understand how important some details are for me to be comfortable in therapy. I looked in a *** group of my city for therapists and I asked for 3 things, the therapist must be a woman as I am, to be near my house (I live in the very huge and traffic full Mexico City), and to always be presential. She reached out, she worked about 20 minutes awy from my house so it feel close enough, and she was working in person (this was a moment when some quarantine regulations were in place, so many people offered online services). For a while it worked very good, I even accepted to to see her in an another location (almost 2 hours away from my house) when covid numbers went up and our usual spot had to close, but when I requested to go back she accepted immediatly. The real problem started like 6 months ago, when the person responsible for the space we used decided to kick her out, supossedly because of the mess her children patients had done (which is a horrible reason to kick her out btw, but has nothing to do with me). She told me she would look for another spot nearby and in the meantime we could meet in the 2 hour away place, which sound fine, but then time passed and she never mentioned that other new place and when i asked she told me the only option was to charge me more to meet close to my house, I told her that was not an option, but seeing her so far away was also incovenient because I spent a lot in gas, and lost 4 hours in the commute, I got upset and I imagine she noticed, but I also didn't liked how she responded because she told me she usually charges double and that basically she was doing me a 50% discount, I believe this to be a lie, and of course it upset me more, I am really bad at confrontation, so I settled and accepted taking online sessions, and once in a while taking them in person in the far far away place. I don't like taking online sessions because my house is super little and my boy friend has to hide in the bedroom with earphones, and because we are in the middle of a lawsuit with the woman that lives in other of the houses of this place, because she wants to take my house away, and I have the feeling that you can hear across the walls, obviously my therapist know this, it's one of the main reasons i take therapy but somehow she don't seem to care. She is also always moving the day and time of the sessions, she offers me hours I cannot take because of my job schedule eventhough I have told her a million of times what are my available hours, and I feel that I have been over comprehensive with her, I have sacrificed my comfort in favor of hers because of my fear to confrontation, and I am pretty sure that's not how therapy should work. I am dreading telling her, but I have stand enough.
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My dog is dying
Grief & Loss / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 December 7th, 2022
...See more One of my dogs is in bad shape, she is 15yo, and got an infection on her teeth, it's now also on her respiratory system, it would be something treatable, but she has also liver and kidney problems, so the anesthesic is off the table, they cannot make her sleep for cleaning the teeth and controlling the infection. She's been all her life with my boyfriend, we moved in toghether almost 3 years ago and she is now also my baby, but my bf is her primary caregiver, so he has decided it's time to let her rest, I agree like in a logical way, but my heart is broken in a million pieces, i've been crying for 3 days nonstop, my anxiety is on the sky and I feel really depressed. I have not feel this bad since my dad passed and that still hurts a lot, now loosing my baby doggie feels like its adding to the pain I have not solved yet and honestly I feel like im dying with her. She is still here, literally just in front of me right now and I'm already hurting so much.
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I am uncomfortable with myself today :(
Anxiety Support / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 October 7th, 2022
...See more I want to ask of someone has experienced something similar to what I feel.. With certain situations I get a very upsetting anxious an uncomfortable feeling, for example, I work in mkt, but unfortunately sometimes i have to do things that are out of my expertise, some months ago I had to investigate some information from our competitors, and I didnt find all the information I needed online, so my boss told me to call them as if I was a customer, I know this is not rare in my field but I had never done it, so I gave my real name, my real number and email and acted as a customer. Fast forward to this week, my company is making an alliance with this competitors and I was added to a whatsapp group where the person I talked to that time is also added. When I saw her number I even got a tingling sensation on my legs, I felt super anxious and uncomfortable, my bf told me to tell my boss so there's not a misunderstanding or something weird in the future, i did and she told me it was not a problem, but still I feel super uncomfortable, like I made a mistake and I feel dumb. My boss told me there's no problem, this girl is probably not aware yet, and i know its not a big deal, but it FEELS like a big deal, I have been coming back to think about it all day and it is affecting me. My question is, if I rationally have the information to know this is not important, why do I feel like it is? Why do I feel vulnerable, or dumb, or anxious? I dont understand it and this is something I have experienced many times in my life, always making me feel uneasy :(
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Bad days
Anxiety Support / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 October 5th, 2022
...See more Since sunday I have been feeling weird, I saw a friend and remember with her things from a period of my life that was horrible (my dad had just passed, I lost my job, and I started taking the worst decisions). I love this friend but it triggered me a lot to talk with her. Specially I have been thinking obsesively about a guy from that time with whom i got involved, I feel I never got over him, we were friends for while after things didnt work out romanticly, he became kind of my best friend, but a time after that we distanced from each other, I didnt even noticed when or why. Thinking about him is making me really anxious, and I can't stop, I want to be near him again, i feel like I want to plant a bomb in the center of my life and detonate it, leave my job, my boyfriend, my house. I normally use w e e D for sleeping, is the only things that helps me with insomnia and nightmares, i feel so bad that I didnt do it last night, now I dont know if I am more anxious because of that, I dont want to depend on it, but I am super anxious, maybe I just worsened things 😟
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I can't let go
Relationship Stress / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 October 5th, 2022
...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing fine. I am not that ok, and I really need to vent. Right before the pandemic hit, I had an affair and I fall in love real bad with this guy. We were a thing for a couple of months, he knew that I was not single, and for the most part he didnt seem to care, but I did. Every single time that we met I told him it was the last time, every time it was a fake goodbye, until the quarantine was stablished in our city, and that made the last goodbye the real one. Bottom line it was like the situation took the decision for me, it hurt a lot, for a while we keep texting, I want to believe we become real friends, he was a huge part of my life, but he also was a big source of anxiety. My relationship was never bad, I think it had nothing to do with it, I now believe I am just capable of loving multiple people, and it's hard because my education never told me that was acceptable or even possible. He had to move back to his home town because of the pandemic, so we started growing apart, about a year later we stopped talking, and now I feel that I dont even noticed how it happened. I went back to therapy for some unrelated issues, and he started to loose relevance in my mind, I isolated myself and stopped talking almost every friendo I had, in the moment I didnt noticed, I was in a really bad place. This lasted almost another year, till a few months ago, I saw on instagram he is dating someone, it broke my heart, and at the same time it kind of wake me up, thats when I realized that we stopped being friends, and my feelings for him resurfaced. I dont regret my decision, I know leaving him was the right thing to do, I value my relationship and I dont want to risk it ever again, but my feelings dont go away, I think I love him and I dont know what to do about it, I want us to be friends again but I dont know if he would be open to that, besides he now lives in another city and is probably bot coming back, he has a girlfriend, and I dont want to seem like an obstacle, I dont want to be between them, I just feel like I want some sort of closeness. Sometimes I feel like I am just obsessed with him, not really in love, but other times it feels like something really authentic, I remember our time toghether like something so precious that I convince myself it is indeed love. Yesterday I saw my only friend that knows about this, she is a mutual friend, and she is still close to him, I tried not to bring him up, but it was unavoidable at some point, the things that she told me about him sound like he has changed a lot in this two years, knowing this hurt me, I felt like all this time I have been thinking about someone that is gone. I am so confused, I dont know what to do about this feelings, I want peace, but I dont want to let him go.
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Though days
Anxiety Support / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 July 30th, 2022
...See more Hi, I've had a couple of awful days, I'm extremely overwhelmed and one step away from stop functioning. I've always needed like a lot of things to allign to feel calm and achieving the things I gotta do, and these days nothing is alligning in a favorable way. I'm a full time graphic designer, I'm always behind schedule and have lots and lots of work to do. I'm also studying a course to get my degree (which I put aside many years because of my anxiety and depression problems, and the because my dad passed away) and the amount of workload it's overwhelming. My third "job" is administrating my mom's airbnb, this last thing is not a lot of work but also demands my attention, and in addition this 3 things are a lot for me to handle. On top of this I'm at risk of loosing my house, I'm from Mexico, and here is super common that properties don't have papers in order, my great grandfather divided the property for his kids, but never made the official division, so one of my grandfather's brothers took advantage and claimed the whole property as his, all of them are dead now, but this man's daughter is now suing me, claiming I'm living here illegally and trying to kick me out of my house, this house has inhabited by grandparents, my mom, and her brothers since 1968, my aunt moved out a couple of years ago because she needs 24/7 care and is now in an assisted living facility. My mom has always been responsible for the house, since her father passed, and she let me come here when my boyfriend and I decided to move in together in 2020. Now we are both being sued by this woman, she's also denying our family ties, and claiming I'm some random person "that invaded her property". We are already acting, my mom's lawyers are taking on the case, but I'm extremely anxious because of this situation (on top of my obligations). I feel unsafe on my house (mysteriously the tire of our car was flat the other day, and one of the mirrors with a piece missing). I feel I can't be safe and relaxed in my own house, I'm super paranoid, I feel attacked, and a victim of a negligence and a big injustice. I'm super scared of loosing the house as I don't have the money to rent or buy my own place, my bf has been out of a job for a long time, and I feel the weight of everything in my shoulders. My mom tells me I'm strong enough to deal with this, and that everyone else in the family isn't, so I'm like "the chosen one" to fix this, I know she has a good intention by telling me that, but for me is like I have big expectactions to fill and I just want to go hide under the bed. Yesterday I almost cried of stress in front of one of my teachers, and today I loose all morning because I couldn't pull myself togheter and cried in the phone with my mom for hours. I feel I'm about to explode :(
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Zero energy
Anxiety Support / by sincerePlace8195
Last post
 April 12th, 2022
...See more Yesterday I went out with friends for the 1st time since the pandemic started. I've gone 3 times to the movies with my boyfriend, sometimes I have to go to the office, I've went to painting classes and to see my therapist, and twice I went with friends out of town to spend time in nature, but I haven't had a social hang out in the city in two years. Before going out I started feeling like i wanted to cancel, and on the way I feel I couldn't breath properly, the mask was super tight on my face and I started to feel scared, it wasn't that bad but still it was an unpleasant sensation. Honestly i had a really good time with my friends, but still there was anxiety mixed with everything. On my way back home I felt the same breathing difficulty, and my stomach also felt weird. When I arrived I felt like I was finally safe, but I started feeling fatigued, and I still am. When I woke up today my body felt super weak, like what you feel sometimes after being sick for some days, I haven't been able to concentrate in work all day, and I kind of just want to go to sleep. Trying to go back to "normal" after quarantining for so long is being really hard for me, honestly I feel like I don't ever want to be in social situations, work feels like there's no option, but when I have an option I want to say no and stay home. I feel like the thing tha affected me most yesterday was being in public transport and moving in a giant city like the one I live in. I feel like my batteries died and I can't charge them back :(
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