Family therapy with my mom
Hi all,
I finally had family therapy with my mom yesterday (she came onto my session). I am feeling very triggered by it today, and I couldn't fall asleep until about 5am. I am able to watch my classes from home, but I had wanted to go in person, but I just decided to take care of myself and watch from home.
My mom was super emotional and kind of acted like a 5 year old child who is being told they can't have a toy. She didn't take any accountability and just painted things as I have a problem and have been shutting her out and she is "losing her daughter" even though I explained that we have a difficult relationship and I have been setting boundaries for my wellbeing. She wasn't able to show empathy towards me or really acknowledge anything about how I felt. I tried to explain I had a hard time growing up and was really shy and she was just like "you had plenty of friends".
I guess I need to try to remember that I tried my best to articulate myself and my emotions, and I can be proud of that. Maybe things will improve in future sessions... or I will have to be really strong about boundaries even though she is so manipulative and just end up only talking to her like 3 times per year idk.
Day
@Daydreamer47
It sounds like the family therapy session was emotionally challenging for you, and I admire your courage in trying to address issues with your mom. It's not easy to open up about difficult topics, especially when met with resistance. Setting boundaries for your well-being is a crucial step in maintaining a healthy relationship. It's important to recognize that you can't control how others respond or take accountability, but you can control how you prioritize your mental and emotional health. Your decision to prioritize self-care by watching classes from home is a positive step. It's okay to take a break and focus on your well-being when needed. Remember that healing and progress take time, and it's okay if things don't improve immediately. Acknowledging your efforts to articulate your emotions is important. You're taking steps to communicate your needs and boundaries, which is a significant accomplishment. Keep reminding yourself that you have the right to prioritize your own mental health and establish boundaries that contribute to your well-being. Ultimately, your well-being is a priority, and it's okay to reassess and adjust your boundaries as needed. Trust your instincts, and be gentle with yourself during this process. You're taking important steps toward understanding and addressing your needs, and that's something to be proud of.
@Jenna Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. I have now had three total sessions with her which is all I have time for right now. I feel pretty triggered after the last one, because there was so much dismissal, emotional manipulation and lack of accountability. I really do not want a relationship with her very much at all. I plan on continuing low/limited contact. I do not feel comfortable being fully no contact in the case of a medical or financial emergency where I might need help. I will probably contact her only once every 2-3 months for a holiday or birthday. I know she will try to cry, yell, guilt trip me still, but I will have to stay strong with boundaries or I will never be free of her influence and I am already in my 30s.
Anyway thanks again for your support!
@Daydreamer47 I so sorry about your mom and how she treated you all your life and for me did not have bad childhood growing up but feel like black sheep in my family and my baby brother was always number 1 I did not feel love or wanted as child and I know how you feel about your mom and sorry that going therapy did help your mom and she did not listen to you and I was shy kid too especially it was always my fault be shy but it's were her fault teaching me be more talking person and if need someone talk to I am there for you
I'm so very proud of you for taking the step and going to therapy with your mom to improve your relationship and express any feelings that you needed to let out that's a great first step and it's OK to be exhausted we've all been there but just remember you're one step closer to where you need to be
@Daydreamer47
Hi dear, I'm sorry to hear your story as having this kind of relationship with your mother. Even though only ourselves can determine us, other people's words and actions can still affect us a lot, especially people who are close to us. I'm so proud of your courage of being able to have this family therapy with your mom, this will be a great and big step in your life journey, because from here, you are now able to set up your own boundaries and protect yourself from other (even though it is very tough). Neverthless, I just want to encourage you, and praise for you courage.
It sounds like you were really brave and in touch with your feelings during the session. That’s definitely not something everyone could do and you should be so proud of yourself for being aware of your feelings. Family stress is something that often affects our relationships more than we’d like, and your relationship with your mom doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want. You have to make sure your happiness is prioritized and if she can’t respect that, then at least you know you’ve done all you can to forge a healthier relationship. You are not alone and no matter what you should be so proud of yourself for being so in touch with who you are and what you want!
