Dealing with opinion clashes/ value differences
I’m married to a man from a different culture, we live an hour’s drive away from my husband’s family and are quite close to them.
My husband’s parents are kind and supportive, although there is sometimes a clash in our ways of thinking/ opinions about lots of things, owing to cultural differences and the generational gap.
Their communication style is more reserved and sugar coated while mine is more direct which causes me frustration as I’m constantly wondering how to share my opinions without coming across as rude or disrespectful.
I’m anxious now as I’m going to stay with them for a while (on my own) due to house renovations and I’m afraid that I’ll either not share what I think due to fear of upsetting them or then bottle it all up and one day explode, causing tensions.
How do I strike a balance and be respected/ heard without upsetting people?
You can look into having conversations with "I statements". For example saying, "I feel frustrated when the dishes are not washed, because I had a long day and feel overwhelmed" instead of something like "You are so inconsiderate for not washing the dishes!".
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/i-message
How are things going now? I actually am dealing with a similar situation because I joined a Polish dance group which is a very traditional dance community with conservative ideas about gender. I sent an email to the dance teacher about it and tried to be really respectful but also express how I feel. Haven't heard back yet. Wish me luck. :)
Hi Anxiouskitten!
I am in a very similar situation too! … I’d love to chat with you as and maybe we can support each other?! My in laws are coming over from abroad and living with us for a while… and we have different values and beliefs too…
im not a listener though, so i don’t know whether we can chat to each other on this platform?
best wishes
Green
@Greentrees2325 yes I am drgnmagicdh
@Greentrees2325 happy to chat although this I’m not sure how that’s possible here :)
Thanks @Anxiouskitten23, I don’t think it is possible for member and another member to chat in this platform…
anyway, wishing you all the best 🙏🏻
Please let me know if you would like to chat and we can maybe find a way… we can still both be anonymous on here… maybe I can sign up to be a listener?… sorry to sound desperate, tbh I feel really lonely as I feel stuck in this relationship with the contrasting values and beliefs and I’m not sure what to do and could really do with someone from a similar background…
@Greentrees2325 that would be great. How do we do this
BbyD is a 2 to 3yr old diaper dependent baby born on the 11th of June 1980 started to act like a baby when I was 12 to try and ward my older brother from beating and raping me mostly worked then my mother had found a partially used diaper under my bed and asked me about it and when I told her that I was using it on purpose and acting like a baby to try to repel my brothers sexual attacks. She still to this day refuses to believe that my brother was and is capable of doing that to me and will not accept my AB lifestyle 😭
I’m so sorry @BbyD1980 to hear what you have been through… honestly words are not enough to express my deepest sympathy. I hope you get the professional help and support you need to overcome your past 🙏🏻. I’m so sorry I can’t help as I’m not a listener and to be completely honest I have to focus on helping myself first… take care and god bless 🙏🏻
I understand how worrying such a situation might be. A good way might be to have a conversation about what they feel is appropriate and respectful and while also letting them know how different your conversation styles are. This knowledge being more upfront can help both of you deal more effectively with your varying styles and can ease tensions while alao encouraging different opinions and perspectives! hope this helps
@Anxiouskitten23
Showing respect, appreciation to them for hosting you , listening and make your words clear and understood when you share conversation with them .
Take your time to self care , feel comfortable as a priority can reduce the social stress too .
@Anxiouskitten23
Showing respect, appreciation for hostility, make your words clear and understood when you share conversation with them . In the main time you need to find time for self care activities witch can reduce social stress and help you feel more comfortable.