Looking for an accountability friend

@enigmaticOcean8813

You've taken a huge step in telling your wife of your challenge and I'm proud of you!

If you're like me, it likely feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your chest. Keep trying and know you are not alone.

Also, not that it matters, but are you a male? The only reason I ask is because I am and know that ED's are typically stereotyped with females and makes it hard for me to relate to other guys about the topic. It's not something that is often thought of with guys, but definitely is out there.

Yes, @Phoenix22k, I am male and I am aware of the stereotyping. What I think we both know is that a full 25% of anorexics are male - not a percentage to be neglected or ignored.

The challenge for me right now is that I am in the middle of a move. I recently retired and my wife wants to return to her hometown where she still has siblings and extended family. Our daughter is not far away. My care team is here PCP, GI, Neurologist, Neurosurgeon, Neuropsychologist -and would be 8 hours away. It is stressing me out and the outlet, of course, is poor eating hygiene.

I have been battling with weight control issues since wrestling in high school and college. Sports like that is a risk factor for all.

@enigmaticOcean8813

I'm sorry to hear about the stress and how it's impacting your diet. You seemed to have found a decent support team and you may be leaving that. I would be hopeful that if you do move you will find another supportive group.

Know that we're all here in whatever capacity we can provide.

Also, it means a lot to know about another guy out there struggling with diet and being honest about it. Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone.

Oh and certainly no disrespect for all the women as well!

We can all help lift one another up and try to do better each day.

Yes, you are right, @Phoenix22k. No disrespect intended towards the women in our group or those struggling with ED. Just an acknowledgement that men can face the same challenges too.

@enigmaticOcean8813

Hi Ocean, 

I am so proud of you for finally letting this out and sharing it with your wife. 

It is a real injustice that certain problems are not considered, or are more likely to go unnoticed, because they are experienced by a man rather than a woman. There is not one gender affected by ED, just as there is no one way of experiencing it, or one type of physical appearance associated with people with ED. And the fact that we do not fit society's stereotypes does not make our suffering any less valid or important than anyone else's. 

I understand that it is difficult to break away from the doctors who have followed you up until now. But can I ask you if you really get on well with them, or is it just a matter of habit or not wanting to talk about your ED with someone you don't know? Because I was thinking that maybe that could be a good thing. It would be new specialists who don't know you and with whom you could start from scratch - without preconceptions, without them knowing what you've done (and not done) before. When you think about it, what is the most frightening thing about this change? 

There has been some real freedom in being honest with myself and my wife about ED. Yes, a real burden lifted from my shoulders

My story is more complicated than just ED. I have an extended metro team because I had a tumor j inside my spinal cord - not my spine, not the bone, but the spinal cord itself. I had 2 surgeries, I to s remove it and à second, 3 years later to fix complications. I also had 1 head injuries along the way, I have 2 hip replacements and a shoulder replacement, I have other mental health issues, but they are now in renovation, according to the psych.

My balance sucks and I need mobility aids and swiping a keyboard is easier than typing. Too bad the 7 cups app really stinks and it's so prone to errors.

Sorry for not seeing this message sooner. Sometimes I don’t get the notifications, I am sorry!

I am sorry to hear about your extensive surgeries and health issues. I can understand all of this has taken a toll on you and on your family too. The fact that you can now be more open about your ed struggles I am sure will help you and will also get you and your wife closer together.

I keep reading the list of injuries and replacements and let me tell you, I am in awe at how strong you must be! You went through so much, and you keep fighting and overcoming new challenges. With this of finally confessing your anorexia being the most recent one.

How is it going today? Did you manage to eat? Did you ibs symptoms get better after yesterday?

Accountability 7/18

Had a rather good day. Ate all my meals reasonably, stopped when I thought it was appropriate. My triggers were not as powerful. Just confusing why some days they're like a hurricane and others not. To help curb by evening triggers, after dinner, decided to come here and type up my day. It was a good choice and a reminder that I'm not alone.

Tomorrow I will have off from teaching summer school. A nice break, but also means I'll have extra time to myself which may be a trigger. My goal is to remember the progress I have made and think about how I want to feel in the future.

@Phoenix22k

I'm really glad to hear you had a good day and managed your meals well. It's awesome that your triggers weren't as strong today. It's definitely confusing why some days are tougher than others, but what's important is you're finding ways to cope. And I am particularly happy that this accountability group is becoming a useful strategy for both of us.

Enjoy your day off tomorrow! It's great that you're aware it might be a bit challenging with extra time on your hands. Just keep focusing on the progress you've made and how you want to feel moving forward. Remember, I'm here for you anytime you need to talk. You've got this!

Accountability for Thursday, July 18th 

Started my day with a little training session (arms and shoulders, since my legs were a little sore from Tuesday's gym session plus yesterday's run).
For lunch my husband was home and insisted on cooking for both of us. Because I find it so hard to trust, I only agree to this once in a thousand years. Even if I tell him the exact quantities and he tells me to respect them, I know he would never be as precise as I am. For me, if I should eat 50 grams of a food, I weigh it perfectly. 50. Or 49. But not 51! He's much more relaxed about these things than I am, so even though he assures me that he checks all the weights properly, it's really hard for me to trust him. Partly because I'm afraid he might try to squeeze out a few more grams because 'it's good for me'. Not that he's ever told me or seen him do it, it's all in my head. And I trust my husband.... My ED brain is playing tricks on me though! 
Anyway, lunch was on him, and I agreed because he decided to play it a little bit lighter than our diets say, so I knew I already had something "less" that would keep my brain slightly less worried. But anyway I kept oil on my vegetables to the bare minimum. 
Dinner was on me, and I reduced a little bit that too. Not much, not as I would do in the past, but you know the occasional gram here, twenty grams there... 
All in all, I didn't reduce huge quantities of food. I think it was a positive day in any case. But I could feel my inner voice taking over more than in the last days. 
I hope tomorrow I will be able to get back on track!

Nice start to your day! I think it's incredible that you had the courage to trust your husband with lunch. Even though it may not have felt "perfect" the small victory of giving it a chance and seeing it through is huge. I'm sure it meant a lot to your husband as well. Then having control over your dinner was a nice way to balance it out. Know that just these seemingly small things are huge. Just like running and working out it will take time.

I think you did a wonderful job at balancing trying new things and respecting your boundaries. Have a great day!

I have to agree with @Phoenix22k. I have come to learn that balance and trust are highly important for all of us, especially in recovery.

Accountability, 7/19

All told, a terrible day.

As you know we are planning a move and decided last night to visit a favorite restaurant for a 4 course wine pairing dinner, followed by breakfast this morning at a favorite haunt when we used to be on a motorcycle.

Too much food, all we all know the symptoms. It is awkward to say, but I spent as much time in the bathroom last night and today. Typically 1 hour after a meal, I am back in the bathroom because of constipation and IBS.

I'm pretty mad at my GI doctor. He always criticizes my weight loss (nearly 40lbs since I have been seeing him) but says I have IBS.

You would think he would make the connection, or stop threatening putting in a feeding tube.

I apologize for the awkward subject, but it is a reality of our lives.

Hey @enigmaticOcean8813

I'm sorry to hear about your how your day went. While it may be awkward sharing it with us is a big step. Just curious, but does your doctor know of your anorexia? Perhaps he would make more appropriate connections if he did, or if he does maybe it would be worth getting a second opinion. Perhaps if you do end up moving you'll find a more helpful one.

Do your best to shake off the day and try to have a better day tomorrow. I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace.

You are right, @Phoenix22k. The GI does not know about the anorexia, but I would have thought he might have made the connection himself. I am due to see him soon, so I will say something for sure.

And thanks for the good wishes. It means a lot to have found a community that cares

Certainly! And I understand not telling the GI. Worth exploring may be looking into delving into why you feel bad about eating. Is it a certain body image you are desiring? You also mentioned it is a stress/coping mechanism.

Just trying to give you some things to ponder and yes I, we, do care and are here for you in whatever way we can.

I am sorry for how your day went.

I understand how you feel after eating more than normal…

It really makes me sad that a doctor isn’t able to do a 1 + 1 = 2 and understand there are some underlying issues!

I experienced the same with my dietician, I was basically telling him all the standard anorexia symptoms and it was like I wasn’t telling him anything. I really hope that moving makes you meet better doctors and that they can help you…

Accountability 7/19

A rather pleasant day. Kept down all my meals and ate appropriately. Had some urges after lunch but just ended up scrolling through *** looking at silly videos for a time. The feelings eventually passed and I went on to do more productive things.

While I hardly ever post or use *** regularly, I do find that watching shorts of things I enjoy helps boost my mood. While it may not be the healthiest thing to do, at least it's not binge eating.

Feeling pretty good and hoping to keep a new streak going this weekend.

Good for you. I think that scrolling or watching videos in this manner is a healthy coping strategy and not always a bad thing. Consider the alternative, right?

Hi Phoenix!

Happy to read your day went well, and that you found a good coping mechanism in videos. I am proud of you for being able to find each day something that can help you ❤️

Accountability for Friday, July 19

The day went well, it started with a 8 km run that gave me a good boost as I felt quite good and strong so it made me feel better about the facet that I am eating more.

For dinner my husband said he wanted to go out and eat pizza. I normally have to plan dinners out because I want to be in control of what I eat before and after, so I would have normally told him “no” but I accepted. Another thing I did differently, is my choice of pizza. It’s normally a mixed vegetables pizza without any cheese or other toppings. Yesterday I said f it and got a normal pizza with cheese on top. And when we got home I spent the night on the sofa watching tv instead of moving around as much as possible just to consume calories.

it has not been easy, I could feel my body fighting to digest such an extra meal, but kept telling myself what I did is normal for everyone else so I just had to wait until the feeling passed…

Awesome run! I'm glad that you had a good experience with that and recognize how your nutrition can help your performance. I encourage you to reflect on how despite making some difficult choices and eating more, that you are still excelling.

In my book, I consider your pizza a MAJOR WIN! Personally that would have ruined my day entirely and likely led to a binge, I commend your resolve and courage.

I'm hoping the feelings passed quickly, but also know they are persistent. Keep up the positive self talk and know that you're inspiring me and that I am proud of you.

Thank you for your comment! You have no idea how much your support is helping me ❤️

and I hope mine towards you can be even a fraction as good!

How was your day?

Here’s my accountability post for Saturday 20th

No sport for me today, except for a walk with my dogs. In the afternoon I even had a little nap, which is something I used to avoid as I thought I didn’t deserve and always replaced with moving around or doing sports.

For dinner I remained at home as I didn’t feel like eating out after yesterday’s pizza, while my husband went to a dinner at friends’ house. He covered up for me, saying I had another dinner already planned with colleagues. It makes me feel a little bit guilty but I love it that he understands…

@Turtleonmyleftarm

I'm glad you were able to get a nap and enjoy it! It has been refreshing reading about your journey as I also often feel guilty for just napping or "sitting". I think it's great also that your husband respects your decision. You are in the healing process and yesterday was a big win! In the end you are doing what is best for your health in the long run, perhaps thinking of it in this way may alleviate the guilt. You get to relax more with your pups!

Accountability 7/20

I had a nice day today, I have been feeling much better about myself and situation knowing that I'm not "alone" in my challenges. Know that when temptations arise I now think of my 7 cups friends.

Around lunch today... I was on my way to binge. BUT mid drive I said to myself, out loud, "I don't want this". I had a moment of clarity, made a U turn, came home and had a healthy lunch. This... Was a big moment. I noticed that I can change paths and decisions. It empowered me through the rest of the day.

Feeling good this evening and hoping you all experience a victory today no matter how small it may seem.

@Phoenix22k, hooray! great job today and it's good to think of our little group here.  well done!!!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

You did such an amazing job today!!!

So proud of you for recognising the temptation and being able to say “no” anche change how your ed brain was making you behave.

I love how this group is becoming a real help for us, as we think about each other and use this accountability posts as a push to make some changes in our lives.

This post is making me so happy!!! Thanks @Phoenix22k keep up the good work!!!!

@enigmaticOcean8813

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Thank you guys! Hope your days go well today.

Also just a thought, should we make a new *main thread" maybe for each week. It might be easier to respond and find our messages then. I'm fine either way but since this is Turtle's great idea I will let them decide! 🙂

I think it would be an amazing idea! Yesterday I replied to a post from Ocean saying I was sorry I almost missed it. This thread is getting a little bit too long and there are sometimes replies “in the middle” and it gets easy to lose track of all of our posts

It would be nice if it posted them with the most recent on top. But sounds good!

I did it: https://www.7cups.com/forum/eds/RecoveryMovingOn_1200/Accontabilitythreadweek302024July2228_333230/