I took the first step and it feels worse.... :/

@KatieMoon1 An easy way to think about it is by thinking of your ED like a dragon: when you fight against the dragon, it's going to try to attack you and defend itself. You're definitely on the right track. The fact that it was sort of forced doesn't help that feeling either.

Do you have any supportive individuals around you, such as a friend or relative? If you have someone who cares and understands, he or she can emotionally support you and explain things better.

@ErwineRommel

Ah, yes. It can feel like it has a mind of its own. Some days I just want to let it swallow me. The fight is exhausting.

I don't have anyone, apart from a few online friends, who I can talk to about this and certainly not every day. I'm sure that's why this is so much harder. I feel a bit lost.

@KatieMoon1 For me, my eating disorder is a form of false control. I don't feel in control of my life, and my ED is something that tricks me into thinking I can control it, and therefore my life. Therefore anything that takes control of my ED away from me, or even seems like it might, makes me feel like everything is spiralling out of control. I panic, I lash out, it's a mess. Is this also the case for you?

What helps me most are mindfulness and grounding exercises, and focusing on things I can control. It doesn't fix things but it takes the edge off a bit. Also, remember, people guilt tripping you, or otherwise using emotions to get you to do things, aren't in control of your decisions or emotions -- you are.

Hope this helps!

@KatieMoon1

Proud of you for reaching out for support with your doctor and on here!!! The thing I learned is that ED voice will always be with you. Some days it's louder and some days it's softer. Some things that help me are reframing my thoughts. Like if I was to have an unhealthy ED thought, recognizing it's unhealthy is the first step, reframe it, and talk back to the ED voice. Some days it's easier to do this than others. For example, I watched a triggering movie and I had to stop my thoughts that her body looked better than mine. Reframe it that her body is not a healthy nourished body. And yell back at my ED that I'm not hurting my body anymore. I beeleaf in you 🐝 🍃🐝 🍃 the first step is telling people like you told your doctor. Proud <3<3<3

@summertimeSamness

Thank you. I am trying to do this - to rewrite the thoughts. It's so hard and most days I don't do a very good job at it - I'm just exhausted with everything. It's too hard to even try. :(

@KatieMoon1

Proud of you for trying. Your therapist will help you practice lots of coping things too <3 You didn't develop a eating disorder overnight so recovery is a long journey too but it's worth it for sure. Be gentle with yourself and even baby steps are steps in the right direction <3 Don't forget to celebrate small victories. Even recognizing the unhealthy thoughts can be hard too because they have been your unhealthy coping tools for a long time. The best way to heal is to talk it out like you are doing now <3