White knuckling it
Hi all. Hope I don’t post too much here. I have a restrictive purging disorder—meaning I restrict and purge without binging. I have not purged or had alcohol (which was an extension of my ED) for more than 2 weeks. And while I know that’s a good thing, the weight gain that’s happening is terrifying. I know all the facts—that after restricting the body doesn’t trust you and will “hoard” what you eat until it trusts you again. So the worst thing to do is to go back to restricting and purging. I know that in my head, but seeing the weight go up makes it difficult for me to want to keep doing the healthy and right thing. I am very close to a number on the scale that I said I would never be.
I need to get out of my house today for my own sanity. It scares me because going past fast food places, liquor stores, and into stores is a trigger. I’m afraid I will fall back into old habits, but I’m going crazy in my house right now. So I guess I just wanted to come on here and say to someone, I’m committing to not purging or drinking today. Even though I don’t know any of you IRL, just putting it out there helps hold me accountable. Appreciate everyone here. We can do this.
@mich765
Congratulations on doing well yesterday and on finding a safe place to go!
I recently heard about the blind scale. I love the idea. I haven't really looked into it as I'm past that point now, but I should look into it just to understand better how it works and where it's available just for resources. Thanks for bringing that up.
I think that your thoughts of discussing it with your dietitian is a great idea and I hope you have a great discussion. Just remember, it is the one step at a time. You're doing it. That's the part to hold on to, good and difficult days, you are taking forward steps and working on your recovery!
