Afraid of regressions
I was doing really well with my ED, I had improved a lot and was able to eat outside of my house. (I used to only be able to eat in “safe places” like my house or my aunts house)
At the end of last year a colleague at my new job started making jokes about how I eat the same thing every day (I have “safe” foods that I feel comfortable eating around people, specially when I am just getting to know them and it is a new environment). It sent me back spiraling, I basically screamed at her one of the times and stopped interacting with her completely.
Since then, I started having a real hard time eating lunch or snacks at the office. I get really anxious and it just kept getting worse. Sadly it is now impossible to eat there.
the problem is that I kept spiraling and now I feel anxious eating even in my house.
Any advise, anecdote or whatever you can share related to this would be helpful. I am feeling truly lonely through this
@LostIt1809
I'm sorry you are struggling and were so triggered at have worked so hard to work. That must have been so devastated after you worked so hard to stabilize your eating in public.
What did you do before that made it easier to eat at home? Was there anything that was comforting or soothing that helped you at least eat at home?
I'm really glad you posted. Please keep telling us how you are doing and the progress you are making.
Many struggle with eating around others too. I know that it's a challenge when you've had to deal with the colleague you had this experience with. Remember you are worth taking the steps you need to take to get back on your stable eating.
Thank you so much for the response!
Coming here to give an update, I just want to warn it is not a happy one.
I am seeing my psychiatrist this week in an emergency appointment; sadly it has become imposible to eat in general, no matter the place or time. I know in my heart this fear doesn’t make sense and I have to eat but it only makes me feel super anxious
I have been able to eat only after long long hours of hunger. I couldn’t eat a thing today until 7 pm and I couldn’t eat a lot.
Right now I am at home feeling so alone in this fight. I just want to talk to someone about it and scream, scream and keep on screaming out of the anger I feel towards myself
its hard knowing I am in a really bad place but not bein able to get me out of it. I have been trying to think about what helped me and the beginning of my healing journey, weirdly I remember not talking about food helped a lot. Kind of not putting too much pressure, not so much on my part but from my family.
they have been talking nonstop about what I am eating so that is def not helping. I plan to talk to them about it tomorrow
but yes, at least I can come and write this feeling out. It truly helps just sharing it
@LostIt1809
I hate hearing how much you are struggling. I'm glad you've gotten an emergency appointment with your psychiatrist.
Food is the symptom, not the issue - it's the part that people can see us with or not with, so it is how people interpret how we are doing, and it's a big symptoms that we can see. It doesn't show all the other symptoms that others can't see.
Is there anything that you can do currently to help right now while you struggling so much? Even if you are struggling to eat, is there anything that helps you to cope with your emotions or stress?
