Accountability thread 8/12-8/18
Hi everyone,
Welcome to the safe space where @Phoenix22k @enigmaticOcean8813 and I share our journey together to overcome eating disorders.
Everyone is welcome to join and share their stories and thoughts.
Sending positive vibes and lots of love
Accountability for Monday, August 12th
I was supposed to start my day with a gym session but my pt (who is also a physiotherapist) started checking my right ankle that felt a little stiff and finished giving me a full body checkup of an hour. In the past I would have felt guilty for not doing my training session, yesterday I was just grateful for the help and the opportunity of getting fixed and improve my condition for the future runs and trainings.
I ate what I was supposed to eat, but felt quite bloated and “bad looking” the whole day. I can see my belly sticking out, and I am not satisfied with how I feel and how I look. But I remember myself it was worse when I didn’t have the energy to do anything, let alone moving and doing what I love, so I keep trying.
I am sending love to all of you, hoping your Monday was good and that an amazing week lies ahead!
@Turtleonmyleftarm
You are so great at listening to your body and knowing when to "back off" with exercise! Like you, I tend to feel "guilty" if I don't and can ignore some of these signs. I did have to adjust things for a while when I injured my shoulder, and just had to keep telling myself that the healing process is more important, otherwise I could make things worse.
I was feeling the same way today (bloated), what is it with this? Haha. Maybe we just "think" too much into it and it is a regular thing other people feel too? We are just hyperaware as it makes us think we look like sumo-wrestlers. (No shame on Sumo's but not the body type I aspire for)
Anyway, still proud of you for eating everything despite the discomfort and also major points for realizing your newfound energy with your diet!
Thanks Phoenix!
I am not that good at listening to my body, most of the time I do it because someone else points it out to me… But I am trying to learn!
Regarding bloating, actually what you wrote is exactly what my dietitian told me the last time. She said “it’s normal for people to feel full/bloated after a meal, you just feel it more - or actually notice it - because that’s where your brain goes. Other people simply don’t notice it or, even if they notice it, they understand it’s normal and don’t give a f after 1.2 seconds”
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Thanks for that insight from your dietician! That is interesting, and provides some insight into the "normal" folk out there haha.
"don't give a f after 1.2 seconds" had me laughing 🤣. So true. I find many of my habits and thoughts to be things that "most" people probably don't have to deal with. But, I'm so glad to have found a community who also fight ED brain on a regular basis and these intrusive thoughts.
@Turtleonmyleftarm, Hi, Turtle. Thanks for the note and the interchange with Phoenix. I think you did the right thing in backing off, and I really love your dietician's advice.
Aug 12
Morning started out fine and I was able to spend some time with my parents this AM which was lovely. My dad and I cleaned up and waxed my car, then we built this train table that has been in their garage for a time. It turned out great and I'm so glad he can finally display his collection properly! My nephews are going to LOVE it too.
I took my lunch over to their place as I knew that would come up, and it went fine. Came home and had some time before going to the young adult group at church. ED brain came swinging... "come on you have a few hours to kill lets eat!"
I was feeling a little "bloated" and overall full from lunch. I didn't want to do a full 10 minute exercise routine so settled for some push ups and a walk around the block. This helped a little. I then decided to eat my dinner earlier, hoping it would shut up ED. Well... that didn't quite help. I went for a second helping.
I purged, but it wasn't a full-blown binge in comparison to some of my sessions in the past. I cleaned up, showered, and got myself together. Went to the YA group, which was nice, but I felt ashamed of myself and wish I was in a better mindset.
Still, trying to give myself grace for at least going to the group and trying to calm down ED brain.
The month has still been a great success, as I said before aiming for 90%.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to get back up, and to improve.
Hi Phoenix,
I loved all the nice things at the beginning of your day! It really felt like a perfect Monday, until dinner. I am so sorry your ED brain won that battle. But it was just a minor battle, and you’re still winning the war. You’re still fighting and you still have the upper hand. You’re still over 90%!
But may I ask how big that 2nd serving was? Did you purge because you were feeling unwell, or just for the guilt of having eaten too much? If you don’t mind me asking… As I normally heard about purging (as you said) for full-blown binges and not for second helpings, and I would like to know more, to be able to try and help you (or at least understand) more.
I am sure that at the YA group everyone saw you as you truly are, an amazing person, and nobody noticed you weren’t in the best mindset. And I admire you for actually going, after the purge. I am sure you must have been tired and down, so getting yourself together to go and meet people must not have been what you really wanted. So great job for doing it! I am sure it’s been helpful for you, and for the youngsters who were there!
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Thanks Turtle :) I am trying to get out some more and help others. With the volunteering I did a week ago, the YA group, and some other things. Partly to help just keep me occupied, but deep down I know I do love helping other people and I want that to be more of a focus of my life, not my ED.
The second helping was not even that big, just another half portion of chicken, and veggies. It was mainly a guilt response, and my stomach just felt extra full/uncomfortable. This then is my ED brain going you're going to get fat! Non-sense, but I had listened to it too much.
I really appreciate you digging deeper into my thoughts, it encourages me to think as well. Do not ever worry that it is triggering or something you shouldn't ask! I love being able to be honest and open to someone so your curiosity helps 😊
Thank you for the explanation and kindness!
Half a portion of chicken and vegetables isn’t much, but I understand your ED told you otherwise.
If you had seen someone else (a friend or a loved one) belong themselves with the same second helping, would you have thought it was too much? How would you have reacted if they told you they had exaggerated after they ate it?
Sorry Phoenix, I just realised I should have explained why I asked you those questions.
I recently met a friend who told me she had started a diet, and she gave me her diet to check. As soon as I saw the quantities they gave her, I was shocked. They were so low, I immediately started to be worried about her and started telling her she should get a 2nd opinion (she found that dietician online, and her diet is low on actual food and high in vitamins and pills… A huge no for me). Anyway, I immediately thought her food quantities were too low and asked her if she was hungry. I was really worried.
It took me a while to understand that I have been forcing myself to eat the same quantities of less! And for me it was “normal”, but when I saw that on her, it wasn’t normal at all!
This really helped me put things into perspective, as nothing else before.
So my questions had the same goal - see if we could help you put this extra helping into perspective, should it happen again
@Turtleonmyleftarm, Turtle, it's interesting that you brought up the topic of vitamins and pills. While I agree that the diet shouldn't be heavily reliant on vitamins and pills, I was meaning to ask what the two of you thought about vitamin and mineral supplements.
Hi Ocean,
I don’t have anything “against” vitamins and pills, if they are actually needed and a doctor prescribes them after blood work etc.
I am against the use of vitamins and pills in a DIY way or if prescribed by false dieticians found on the internet who sell pills as a way of reaching your goals in a falsely quick way but they’re actually probably just going to earn a percentage from the sales of the pills (as it’s probably the case with my friends’ diet).
Hi @Phoenix22k just wondering if maybe you didn’t notice these messages here above? Thanks! 🐢
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Hey there! Sorry these threads did skip my radar!
I appreciate the new thoughts on what my ED brain is telling me is to much, versus what is actually "normal". As you said, the second portion I had really was not a "big deal" but my ED brain played it as such. It was healthy protein, some veggies, not like a huge piece of cake. I would've have been fine and it likely was just my body wanting some more fuel.
The challenge is still telling my ED brain that it is okay to have another "healthy" portion if that is what I really need. I don't particularly love the idea of tracking, but I might start to do so just for a week to see how much I really am eating and if it is reasonable or not.
Thanks for helping me as always and putting things into a new perspective for me :)
August 13
Tuesday went really well! I felt good in the morning which was nice to know. The YA group had went a little later than I wanted, so I got to bed at a later time, but I still felt pretty good in the morning and throughout the day. In the past I was worried about being out later and how it would impact my morning, but since I have been doing better with my diet (mostly), I think I was able to rest more and wake refreshed. This will encourage me to go to more of the meetings and maybe some other activities.
Otherwise, all meals were good! ED brain kicked in a little after lunch but I went for a walk again and came home to read some. After time I realized that my thoughts were not as powerful. Which I have read on several occasions things like "give it 20 minutes" and sure enough that was the case.
Looking forward to what Wednesday will bring. Hope you all are well!
@Phoenix22k, Hi Phoenix,
Hi Phoenix.
Good to read you’ve risen from the ashes once again. And even more splendid!
It’s amazing to read the YA meetings and spending some time with new people is having such a positive impact on you. And the better diet too, of course.
The 20 minute wait is very true! I am quite of an impulsive person, I normally apply this technique with online shop so I know it’s not something I can compare with EDs, but on a more general level I know it works!
I hope the rest of the week will be as good as your Tuesday. You deserve it!!!
Accountability up to and including the morning of August 14th.
Dear friends,
I don't know where the time goes. We are so consumed with keeping the house clean for showings, maintaining the pool, disposing of junk, and donating useful items to the community. It's all-consuming. My wife is worried about my weight because she has been so physically active that she has been losing weight. She's afraid that I will lose weight due to my struggles, but I haven't, which is good.
The problem is I'm not gaining any weight even though I've been eating well over 60 grams of protein per day. It must be 60 grams in protein shakes plus chicken or fish. You know, I won't eat beef. It's only recently that I would eat chicken. I've always loved turkey. We get to see our granddaughter again today on her way back from Boston to her home in Western New York State, so that'll be a treat this afternoon. I'm not feeling very good right now because I was faced with a constipation problem again this morning, and you know I know how to deal with it.
It's a very unfortunate thing, but it's part of how I have to manage my symptoms. My primary care physician has me recording everything I eat and my weight, so when I speak to her next week, I don't know what she will have to say. The problem is that it's likely we will move and leave the area soon, and I'll have to start all over. Frankly, the last thing I want to do is start with a new psychiatrist or have a primary care physician send me to a psychiatrist.
You know, I'm not really enthusiastic about this whole move as much as my wife is because this is for her. We're moving so she can be close to her family so she'll have some help. This is what she wanted, and I can't say that I did. I would rather sit in a small room and read my books, watch old movies, and try to eat better in what time I have left. I don't mean to leave this on a downer, but I'm just very tired, both physically tired from the upkeep of the house right now and waiting to see if we get an offer and then what to do about moving.
We do have a destination, but the physical destination is just an address. The problem for us, for people like us, is the doctors and the health care team and the problem of coordination of care. I wish you all the best today. Keep up all the good work that you're doing.
Hi Ocean,
I can understand this must be so tiring!!! And it’s not unexpected your wife lost weight with all the moving, cleaning and stress! It’s amazing you maintained yours, and I encourage you to think it’s amazing you didn’t lost any and actually maintained your weight. Yeah, you didn’t increase it, but it’s a peculiar moment of your life and you’re moving a lot, so that could also be one of the reasons why…
And I can understand being so tired of your health condition, added to the house sale and moving, plus having to start all over again with the new physician team, can really take a toll. It’s inspiring how you’re doing this for your family and wife. You really are stronger than you think!
@Turtleonmyleftarm, Yes, Turtle, by the end of the day, both of us are exhausted.
@enigmaticOcean8813
Foremost, sending you love man and know you are in my thoughts regularly. You have quite a lot on your plate, food included (see the pun there haha).
I agree with turtle in that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. This act of moving and considering what will make your wife happier is incredible. The process, stressful indeed, but the way the housing market is I'm sure you will have several offers and sell relatively soon. My Aunt had put her house up, had an offer, the buyer backed out, but within a day had another offer. I imagine that it will sell. I'm still renting, but know that houses tend to not stay on the market long and seem to be selling for what the families want.
It has to be scary. Leaving your comforts, thinking about all the "new" things you need to find such as a nutritionist/psych/etc. Not fun. The actual moving/packing/going through things as well. Stress, which wreaks havoc on our bodies itself. On top of your diet/physical challenges.
I know it is not much, but I'm rooting for you, hard. I really hope that this move will turn out to be a positive thing not only for your wife, but for you as well. A little side note, I moved 2 years ago, something I did not want to do. I was renting from my relatives who decided to sell the property. I had envisioned buying it, but wasn't ready to do so. My "plans" and goals were completely thrown out the window. I found a new place to rent, closer to my parents, and it even wound up being closer to a new school that I got a job at. The pay is better, I now love where I'm at, my cat enjoys it. It was a blessing in disguise. I also found a church that has increased my faith.
It took time to adjust my comfort zone, but I found strength in myself I did not know I had.
You are an incredible person. Your current "house" does not define you, and you will be incredible no matter where your new "home" is. It will be a little shaky at first, but know that you can overcome this, and perhaps find your new place will be even better. Perhaps look at this as a "fresh-start" and use it as motivation to continue building a better relationship with food, yourself, and your family.
Hoping some of that helps. And you have plenty of "days" left! Once things have settled though definitely get that book out and read away!
What types of books do you enjoy??
Keep at it Ocean you rock!
@enigmaticOcean8813
Wow, a really great video and reminder that not every exercise needs to be "intense". I keep telling myself to go for a walk after eating, and this just adds more justification to that.
Thanks for finding this and sharing.
Accountability for Monday, August 13th
Started the day with a morning run. I had just bought a new pair of shoes since I have been feeling my right ankle being a little stiff and my physiotherapist suggested a different pair. I had a 7, 8 km easy run planned. But when I started using my new shoes I felt like I was flying. I realised I was going faster than usual so I told myself I would try and run my personal best on a 5 k. I did it, but I would not have been able to do 5.1 k, I was shattered. I felt I was able to do it because I have been eating more and fuelling it more, but at the same time I realised I didn’t have the right energy- I am still running on a half empty tank. But anyway, a little victory.
Had breakfast and then went on a few commissions with my husband. For lunch we had to stop at his parents’ house and we asked for chicken and salad. I was in charge of adding the oil to the vegetables so I made sure I used a small quantity, and I served myself with small portions of chicken. In the afternoon I had my usual fruit and yogurt snack, and then for dinner we went out with my aunt - one of the meals I was most worried about. She had chosen a pizza place that made, according to her, the best pizza in the world. I ordered vegetables pizza without cheese, my to-go choice as I know it’s the lighter possible pizza. And it was not good at all! It was dry, it was tasteless. It felt I really threw out of the window one of my “free meals” - I don’t allow myself to eat out a lot, when I do I want it to be good since I know I will feel guilty, at least I want to feel guilty for something good not for something I don’t like.
Anyway, I did something unimaginable. If you would have told me I would do something like this, I would have laughed at the thought.
We were waiting for the waiter to come and pick the empty plates when my aunt, uncle and husband started to discuss about dessert. I said I didn’t wanted it. But I picked up my phone and sent a message to my hubby saying “what if you don’t get dessert, and we stop for an ice cream before we get home?”
The pizza left me really unsatisfied and I felt like I needed something to pick me up. Also my aunt wasn’t her usual self and her behaviour had left me quite upset. I don’t know what happened into my head at that moment, but I just wrote that. He saw the message and said he was full, and proposed we got home. In the meantime I started having second thoughts and telling myself “why did I propose something like that?” and that I should not get the ice cream because I just had pizza and I would her even fatter. But my husband had renounced to his dessert for me, and was happy I was going to eat something “extra”, something way way way out of my comfort zone. So I took a deep breath and got ice cream. It was really good and saved the entire night after the flavourless pizza and aunt behaviour. I felt guilty of course. But I tried to look at the positive things, such as “I deserved it after my 5 k pb”, or “the night sucked so it helped turning a bad night into a good one” or, this was probably my ED brain “you didn’t eat much today so even if dinner was heavy, it could have been worse but the other meals actually compensated it a little bit”.
Regarding my aunt, she’s normally a bubbly person, all positive and fun. I don’t know what got her yesterday, but she was complaining and saying bad things about a lot of stuff. She told me she didn’t like my tatto. And she hadn’t seen me in a while so I was expecting some interest about me or comment about my shape (I was also pumped about by running record and since she didn’t know I had started running I was hoping she would notice my thinness and I would have said it was linked to the fact I had started running, and then I would have had something to tell her about, since she used to run when she was younger). But nothing.
I know it makes me seem vain and empty, hoping that she would notice my body shape, but I actually hoped for it.
I know it’s rude to comment on someone’s appearance and maybe she didn’t say anything for this reason (even if I am more inclined to think she was simply concentrated on herself) but when I pass so unnoticed I think maybe I am not actually ill, I am not actually “anorexic enough”. And it almost makes me want to start restricting my food intake again. And sometimes I do, for a meal or two, then I remember I prefer to be able to run and train and not feel like s..t. But I must confess it happens…
@Turtleonmyleftarm, Hi Turtle,
Hi Ocean,
Yes, in the end we did stop and have the ice cream.
Sometimes I forget English isn’t my first language and I just write how thoughts come out of my head - I don’t stop and think if it could be right or understandable. I am sorry if sometimes my messages aren’t very clear!
Next time I will think about restricting, I will definitely think about you and our pact ❤️ thank you!!! 🙏🏻
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Awesome start to your day with the run! It is amazing what new shoes can do! Haha I have a pair of shoes that are... really beat up and I should go and get a new pair, that may be my next "treat". Be proud of yourself for the 5k! The fact you did not feel like you could do the 5.1 means you must have really pushed yourself, in a good way!
Now I've never been to Italy, but I can imagine a blur going through the streets as you run by people and them going what the heck was that? Haha.
Lunch sounds interesting. A full "plate" of emotions. Sorry the "best-pizza-ever" was not up to par and it kicked up ED brain. That reminds me of the omlette I had the other day! Which I too felt guilty for and like I "wasted" my food choice. Our ED brains love to play these games with us... But good call on the dessert and I would definitely consider that a victory. It was also courageous of you to talk to your husband and make the recommendation for ice-cream later. I'm glad your husband recognized the call of distress and went along with it.
As for your Aunt, I'm sorry about her behavior and comment about your tattoo. It sounds like something is definitely going on in her life. I hope her "bubbliness" returns, and I'm not sure how close you are but maybe in a few days check in on her to see if there is anything on her mind. As for her not noticing you, she very well may have but like you said did not want to bring it up, but I think it is more likely she was just focused on herself at the time. She may also be jealous of your looks and doesn't want to bring it up because she feels ashamed of herself.
I love though how you keep committed and noticing how much better your runs are and how you do not want to feel like ****. I think these factors, and continually telling ourselves this new narrative, is what will eventually convince us to move forward. I'm journaling regularly and noting just how much better life is when I make the right choices. Beyond the gym and physical aspects as well.
I'm sure you look darn good! And while it may not be as satisfying coming from your aunt, maybe ask your hubby what he thinks. It may be a typical husband response, but it may be a little validation as well.
Keep being awesome!
Hi Phoenix,
ahaha 😂 no, (almost) nobody saw the blur of my run, as I live in a small village in the middle of nowhere. And my fast isn’t that fast! But I love the idea ❤️
I bought ASICS Nimbus 26, they are sooo comfy! I was used to Brooks running shoes but these ASICS really are a step above. Just letting you know in case you’ve got the chance to try them, when you decide to replace your old pair.
You’re right about my aunt, now that I’m a little calmer I thought I should check on her. Your message confirmed me it will be the right thing to do… Thanks for the wise advice
Aug 14
LEG DAY! Love and hate relationship with this routine but enjoying it more. Solid run afterwards as well. I again did not have much planned for the day. This time next week I'll be starting meetings and the back-to-school routine, so I'm savoring the last bit of summer vacation that I have. So I worked out, checked on my 7 cups peeps, read on the porch, and enjoyed the morning. I then just wanted to "get out" of the house so went down to a little cafe, got a cup of coffee, and read some more.
I also found a new podcast, by Marcus Filly. He was a cross-fitter, but has since made some new regimens on "functional fitness". But what I found on his podcast were stories from his followers about their own challenges with health/nutrition. One was from a person who, like me/us, felt that they had to "earn" their food through strenuous exercise.
Marcus went on to dive into the topic and talked about how exercise, while really important, is only a minimal cause of our daily caloric burn. I've read this plenty, but he went on to say the mere act of breathing, breaking down food, fidgeting, chewing gum, and all the 1000000 other processes our bodies need are the bulk of our caloric burn. This finally turned a switch in my head. At least a bit.
I had a great lunch, and didn't notice ED brain chatting much. My snack, and dinner. I kept telling myself that an extra 10 minute burst of exercise, while great, isn't entirely necessary. But I did go out on a walk instead (thanks @enigmaticOcean8813 for that tidbit!).
So I'm starting to re-evaluate the emphasis I place on burning extra calories outside of my fitness routine. I definitely will continue to do this, but I'm going to work on giving myself grace and not feel the need to do push-ups/exercise throughout the day. My body works hard in the AM, and I suppose the rest of the day too just keeping up with all its "regular" functions.
Also, the Podcast is Look Good Move Well. It has a range of episodes I want to listen to, and think that they may be helpful to me/us here!
Hi Phoenix,
I must say this looks like a very good day!
Not only for how it actually went, but most of all for the realisations you had (from the podcast, from Oceans’ video etc).
I have just been looking at some titles of the podcast and there are several interesting topics. Thank you for sharing this with us, I think it will help all of us…
@Phoenix22k,
Phoenix, your post made me wonder if we should start to make a list of resources, both fitness resources and dietary resources for those struggling with ED.
We talked about exercise snacks, both from The Guardian and Darebee.
Thank you for the reference to the 10-minute walk video, but you know I don't want to get them all lost, scattered over the threads.
It might be nice to have one thread, or one place where we have all these listed.
I found this nice recipe for two-ingredient muffins.
I haven't made anything yet because we're in the throes of trying to sell, and so everything's packed. But I don't know, maybe it's something to think about, and I'd like to know what both you and Turtle think of the idea.
Hi Ocean,
What if we create a separate thread where we only post useful content?
@Turtleonmyleftarm, yes, great idea. @Phoenix, you agree?
@enigmaticOcean8813
@Turtleonmyleftarm
I think a separate thread with resources would be helpful!
Accountability for Wednesday, August 14th
Not much to say about today.
Started my day with a walk with my dogs, then had breakfast, did a few errands, a session with my therapist and then had lunch. In the afternoon I went to the gym, then at my parents’ place and then back home for dinner.
My therapist made me realise I have been downplaying my ED so much, that I have actually never told my husband or anyone about my anorexia diagnosis. My husband knows there’s something wrong, he knows I am beating treated by an ED structure, but I never actually said the words out loud and clear. So she told me I downplay it, and the others as a consequence downplay it too - not because they want to or because they’re not interested, but because I convince them I am fine.
I think this might be something Ocean has been doing for his entire life too…
I don’t think I am going to “confess” this openly to my husband yet, I still have to wrap my head around several things we discussed about, but it’s something that came up and thought I would share.
I hope you day goes well!
Sending love to both of you
@Turtleonmyleftarm,
Yes, Turtle, thank you for sharing this story with your therapist. What you described is exactly what I've been doing for most of my adult life to various degrees. I think back to some binging periods, but then more recently it's just been total restriction.
As you both know, it's only been a couple of weeks since I've been able to discuss it openly with my wife. I haven't discussed it at all with the kids or other family members, and I dread talking to my primary care physician in another week because she was so angry. But I am doing better, and I think it's a slow road.
I would encourage you to take your time. Do it at your own pace when you're ready. Thank you for sharing this with us, and know that you have us here to discuss it further if you would like. Before you talk to your husband, we can play out some scenarios.
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Sounds like a rather nice day! I am guessing your puppy is feeling better after the appointment last week?
That is a really good point your therapist brought up. I think my family, at least my parents who know some of my past, feel the same way. They know I'm working on myself and have challenges, but don't see how it really impacts my life day-to-day. How seeing certain foods, or being in certain situations make me uncomfortable and make life even harder.
Myself, and I would guess most of us, are just ashamed or feel guilty. We don't want others to "worry" about us, and especially in myself, I see it as something "I" need to do independently. But I'm learning that this community, and talking to others, is so refreshing and helpful.
When you are ready, I think it would be a nice thing to have your husband know. I am sure he will advocate for you, and then when you find yourself in challenging situations, he may be an extra support to help. Keep thinking it over, and know that we are here for you as well!
Thank you both!
Replying to Phoenix:
Marvin (the dog) definitively feels better. We’re still waiting for the biopsy results and he will still have to undergo dental surgery in the next couple of months, but it’s all good.
I think we’re on the same boat. I always feel like I have to look up for myself, that I should not be a burden for anyone and that I should get myself together and fix myself up on my own. I can open up this way only with the two of you here at 7cups, sometimes I find I can’t even say some of the things to my therapist. But, as you two are, I am working on this… And thanks to your help and support I am sure I will make it someday
August 15
What a day (in a good way!)
I don't know what exactly it was but my morning workout was exceptionally great. I have been "pushing" myself harder with some weights realizing how it is challenging to gain muscle. For my chest/back routine today I started with my usual bench, aiming for 4 sets 8 reps @ 200 lb. Usually, I have to take a mini break around rep 6-7 and then get through a few more, but today, I hit all 4 sets without the little mini-break. It was a great feeling and carried me through my day.
I went into school to start setting up my classroom for the year. We have meetings next week, and the following week, the 26th the students come back. While I was at the school, the principal (my boss essentially) came up to me and we had a pleasant conversation. He also said I looked lean and great! He knows of some of the obstacle course races and such I do, but it was just a cherry on top of my workout from the AM.
I also listened to a few more episodes of the podcast I mentioned. One of them was on "Fit Shaming" and another on "Trigger Foods". I heard a lot of helpful information, and once again just felt "heard" like the guests and podcasters were talking about me and my scenario.
All meals were good/kept down. Some ED brain kicked in at night, but I just laid down and before I knew it fell asleep.
Wishing you all a wonderful Friday!
Hi Phoenix,
Oooh it’s amazing to read you had such a great day!
I am in awe at your sports results, and I am truly happy your principal noticed how fit you are and complimented you.
I hope this will give you a boost for the next days!
I listened to a couple of episodes of the podcast too! This morning I listened to the episode “make your move: mental framework for hard things”’and the first thing he mentioned could be interesting for ED too… You’ll tell me when you get to that episode if you’ll hear anything useful
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Thanks! I "binged" ON the podcasts yesterday haha. Listened to quite a few.
The one "Are you, yes you, eating enough?" struck home, and I think it would also be helpful for you as well. The co-host talks about her eating habits and how when she introduced more calories her energy, results, and many things improved. It reminded me of you and your journey and what you have been noticing.
I'll be sure to add the one you mentioned to my queue!
I listened to it today, and it was really helpful and interesting. I read/heard about eating more in the past too, but I always find it so difficult to believe it could be applied to me too… Hearing her experience rather than just reading about it has a different impact though. Thanks for sharing this with me ❤️
Accountability for Thursday, August 15th
Holiday day here in Italy. It’s a day where normally people meet for barbecues and parties, my husband and I don’t particularly like them and decided to spend it at home.
In the morning I went for a walk with the dogs and then did some work around the house and cooked some food to freeze. We had lunch and then in the afternoon we went for a nice 8 k walk in a nice area not far from home, where there’s a source of a river and a lot of trees, shadowed roads etc. so we managed to escape a little bit the heath of the day.
All of my meals were 90% ok. I must confess I was better the previous weeks, I always tend to reduce a little bit something. It could be 5 grams of this, 5 grams of that, not much but it’s like I always need to be in control and do something less.
Anyway, generally speaking it was a good day, nothing special to write…
@Turtleonmyleftarm
Sounds like a lovely day in Italy! I like how both you and your husband are on the "same page" with some things. It is nice that you were able to spend the day together and not have to do the thing that "everyone" does.
I struggle with that as well, we have a fair share of holidays in the US, and the majority of them involve the same, BBQ, alcohol, and the works. Not my scene.
I've come to accept that and try and find peace with it. I wish to live my life differently, especially without an ED, but beyond that I like to be conscious of what I eat so that I can feel better. Each of my days of success, have helped rewrite my personal narrative some and it seems to be helping.
Keep doing the best you can! And your "minor" adjustments still sound like they were far less than what you were doing in the past. I admire how you are still fully aware of them and working on them each day.
Proud of you!
