Accountability THread 8/19 - 8/25

@Turtleonmyleftarm,

Hi, @Turtle. Hello. It sounds like you've had a couple of good days. I love the idea of a new normal. I have to tell you that after my two spinal cord surgeries and the ensuing disabilities that I was left with, and the impact that it had on my life and my wife's life, we couldn't do what we had normally done. I couldn't ride my motorcycles, and we couldn't take trips and so forth. We too used the term "new normal" for our lives, and we had to find different things to do. So yes, new normal is a good way to think about things.

I have to tell you that my physical therapist always told me that a day not training or exercising is okay. It's a good day. We should not feel guilty. I don't know what it is, but you ate grapes yesterday, that's Saturday. And today I had raisins, not much different. It's good you were feeling hungry. You had pistachios, and I had walnuts. I always love nuts and raisins. It's one of my favorite things, and I always put on weight when I was eating it. So I'm trying to get back in the habit of eating it again.

It's interesting that your dietician is having you pair fruit with nuts to increase the sensation of fullness. So you and I should both feel better about this. Sounds like a good weekend. Keep up the good work. You're doing great.

Sat 8/24

Woke up a bit tired but my workout woke me up and got me through the morning. I have a usual full body circuit that I do on weekends and I have noticed some of my rep counts improving! I then do a 5k run, not at a super challenging pace, but decent.

The remainder of the day was not anything too crazy and I did some extra reading and played some old video games. While I'm not a huge video game player, I have begun to find them much more enjoyable and "relax" with them like I used to. I began to just think of them as I'm being lazy or I should be doing so many other things, but I allowed myself to just sit back and relax. I even beat a "boss" on the game that I never thought I would! So a little nerd victory there!

Food choices were all good. Hard to believe that August will be through in a couple of days and this has been my "best" month in a long time as far as diet is concerned. It feels great, but I have noticed it is like another "mental workout" that I have to think about. But at least I'm making small steps to progress.

I just need to keep believing in myself, allowing myself to do things again like video games and not focus on "burning" calories every minute.

Hi Phoenix,

I am so glad you’ve had another good day and that you’re starting to allow yourself to relax and play! And forest job beating the games’ boss! May I ask you what you’re playing at? I am sure I don’t know the game but I’m curious anyway…

I understand what you mean by seeing this as another mental workout. Let’s just hope that sticking to it, it will become another source of energy and motivation as your physical workouts, and they will become normal and something you will do everyday and naturally…

Thanks! The game is called RuneScape. It's an online game and my account is a good 15 + years old haha. It has a big community of people that play and updates frequently.

I'm hopeful as well that like you said, sticking to it will make it more natural. I guess that's really how anything is at first, I just never thought I would have to apply it to eating. But we are all on our own journey of discovery ❤️

Accountability for Sunday 25th

I don’t know if it was a placebo effect, or the fact that I didn’t train yesterday, or not restricting carbs yesterday night. But my run today went better than the other Sundays! I managed to run all 12 k without having to do walk breaks and feeling quite good after. 

I snacked on a peach and then got home for lunch, and didn’t restrict. I even had my afternoon snack, even if I knew what was going to wait for me for dinner…

In the afternoon we went horse riding. I used to ride horses when I was a little kid, my husband never did it and was actually a little scared of horses, but this year he said he wanted to try so I organised this small lesson + ride around a park for him. I was very proud of him for getting out of his comfort zone and try something new. So I did too, for him. We “celebrated” his accomplishment by going to a pizza place and we got two normal pizzas, I didn’t get my safe option with vegetables without cheese, and we shared them. Half and half. With the cheese, the sausage, all of the unhealthy stuff normal people get. Now I don’t feel at my best, I cannot lie. But it’s the kind of discomfort that I think it’s probably normal when people go out and gets that kind of food… I am telling myself it’s just normal and that one meal will not change me. During the week I have probably been eating less than I should have, so this meal is probably just going to even out my caloric intake for the week. 

I am glad I already prepared breakfast and lunch for tomorrow, so I will not be able to listen to my ED brain that will tell me to restrict. 

And that’s it for this week from me 😊

Wow what an incredible day!

I just finished the podcast on rest days, and it sounds like the success with your run is exactly what they were talking about. How giving yourself that time to recover actually helps in the term. Amazing job!

Then horseback riding and enjoying some of your old "fun" activities. That really warms my heart and I'm so happy that you had this day. Pizza and all!

I'm glad you recognized that while you don't feel your best, that's a normal thing and you're right that "other" people likely do feel it. The thing is they just don't attach it so closely to their image or emotions. You've really worked on your approach to your diet, your emotions with food, and your commitment to healing.

YOU ARE AWESOME!! It is also inspiring me to start planning rest days... I can't remember the last one I had when I truly relaxed...

Great job Turtle! I'm so proud of you!

Very quick accountability report on Sunday, August 25th, around 6:20 PM my time.

I've been eating pretty well. I would say 90 to 95% of everything in front of me.

I've held back on some protein shakes the last two days, but have had cashews and raisins yesterday, one-eighth of a cup each, small amounts. And today, walnuts and raisins. Nuts and raisins are a big favorite.

We are so mired in cleaning up the house and packing and getting ready to move that it's unbelievably tiring and just crazy, physically demanding to the point that one would think that I'm losing weight, but I'm not.

My weight is steady. My diet is steady. My primary care physician is happy with what I'm eating.

So the end of the brief report is that everything is good at this end!

Sounds like some positive news and victories for you ocean!

I'm really proud of you for your progress in eating more and am glad to hear that your physician is pleased. I'm sure that helps you feel better as well.

Hopefully after your move your stress levels will lessen and you'll adapt back to a new "normal". I really appreciated your feedback earlier about how we often need to make these "new selves".

Also glad to hear probiotics have helped some with your digestive system. I was having some of the same challenges and added some fiber mix to my drinks which has helped some, but maybe I'll look more into the probiotic supplements as well.

Keep up the good work ocean !

Hi @enigmaticOcean8813

It's amazing to read you're doing so much good progress, and in such a difficult moment of your life while moving houses, changing your care team etc. 

You've taken a moment of great stress and decided to use it to tackle also the stress of your anorexia and cover both things at the same time! And you're having amazing results! Great job!!! I am really in awe at what you're doing, in moments of stress I would probably react in a bad way while you're really thriving. Keep up the good work!

Prebiotics - I've used them for a while during my worst ED period. I hoped they would help me solve some digestive issues I had, and I think they helped quite a lot. And in general I think they help with lots of things, so you did a great thing adding them into your daily routine. I'll remind myself to do another round of prebiotics now that fall approaches so I can move towards the colder months without having issues... Thanks for the reminder :)

Sunday Aug 25

Woke up and did my Sunday routine and a run. Went to church and came home for a walk, listening to a podcast about rest days. It really resonated with me and I know I need to work on building these into my life.

In general my workouts on Sunday are "easier" but they are still a workout and it would be nice to just have a day of no expectations and not feel guilty about it. That's where my mind would go now.

I've been doing better with my diet and no purging so finally feeling more confident on that front. Perhaps after another month or so I'll start tweaking my exercise regimen and add more full on rest days.

Otherwise the day was calm. Prepped my breakfast and lunch for the week, checked up on materials I'll need for tomorrow, and otherwise did not do much AND I didn't feel bad about that. So a small victory allowing myself to just sit, lay, and relax.

Sunday evening at the moment here, probably the new time that I'll.be checking in here with the busier days ahead. But it will give me something to look forward to hearing all your stories and being a source of support!

Hoping for a restful night and a great start to the new academic year tomorrow!

@Phoenix22k

Hi Phoenix,

Coming here and seeing your accountability thread with another good day has become my favourite moment of the day! I love to see how you're getting better and better not just with food, but also reading your thoughts and feelings, and how you've added more chances to spend time out with people. 

From what I've come to understand of you and your relationship with movement, I can understand rest days will be a slightly more difficult step to include into your routine. Sport has saved your life, has been your most trusted companion during the bad times and has brought you fulfillment when nothing else seemed to help. So, just like you, I think it would be wiser for you to adjust to your "new normal" for a little longer, before you include them. But in the meanwhile, maybe you could trade one of your workouts to something less demanding that could almost pass for an active rest activity? Such as a thorough full body stretching and mobility session, or a walk. Maybe that could be a way to start doing it gradually... 

Sending lots of love!

D.

@Turtleonmyleftarm

Thanks Turtle! It is also a highlight of my day coming here and reading of your success!

You are exactly right in understanding my feelings around rest. Exercise really has "saved me" and I am afraid to let off the gas and get out of rhythm. Now when I first started this journey though I did have dedicated stretch/recovery days. I just lost track of them.

I'll keep improving and when I feel a little more comfortable plan on putting them back into the routine. I know deep down they would be helpful in a variety of ways.

Thanks for making the new thread!

New weekly thread here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/eds/EatingDisordersGeneralSupport_32/Accountabilitythread82691_335430/