@Hope7879
Your 'purging' will have placed great physical strain on your body's digestive system and you are still feeling the effects after two years. There are also the psychological issues to deal with.
Every time you eat, you find yourself feeling nauseous. You say that you purged for over 15 times a day for four months. In a way, your body will have become very accustomed to this self-induced vomiting behaviour.
It is presuming that you purged by vomiting (making yourself sick) because your post does indicate that you have issues with vomiting (nausea/sick).
In your situation, you do need to look at the whole 'timeline' of events from where you begun this journey to where you are at the present time.
Although your post does not give much detail, it is likely that this would have been caused by an eating disorder that had some form of psychological connection.
Whatever has happened in your life, the nausea that you experience when eating is a 'throwback' to that period in your life when you purged. You are constantly reminded of this period in your life and it is something that you don't 'just get over'.
There is also the constant worry that you may be 'permanently damaged'. Self-induced vomiting or excessive use of laxatives could cause damage to your digestive system. However, the physical scars/damage should heal in time.
As for the question of being permanently damaged psychologically. This feeling that you are experiencing will only stop properly when you have sought answers to the underlying issues that are causing this.
There can be the physical issue regarding your sickness that is due to the fact that you were dealing with an eating disorder. Although your post does not say, it is likely that you will have spent considerable time without eating complete, balanced meals.
You would have avoided all sorts of food and this will have involved not eating fattening or sugary food. Your body will have accustomed to not eating these indredients.
Did you 'binge eat' before purging? Although when binge eating, you will eat the food first. However, you would then vomit, therefore your body will still not have digested any food - even rich, high calorie food.
In a way, you would still have been starving yourself.
When people avoid such foods - through 'healthy eating' or 'dieting' - they do eventually find themselves feeling rather ill after 'treating themselves' because their digestive systems have become more used to not eating rich, fatty and sugary food.
You could be experiencing this situation yourself. You want to eat more, yet your body is not ready for this transition yet. That will take time. You have been used to not eating the 'rich' foods - and when you did eat the stuff, you purged - so your body has become accustomed to not digesting this type of food.
On a positive note, this could be an opportunity for you to follow a more healthier, well balanced diet routine.
The feeling sick could also be caused by the guilt that you are likely to be experiencing with food. Eating disorders can either be purely physical, or psychological.
Someone may have a physical eating disorder. A food allergy or physical condition can prevent someone from eating properly or needing a 'special' diet. The sickness can be caused via a physical 'reaction' or 'intolerance' to the food. A digestive issue such as 'tummy upset' will cause a physical sickness.
Your sickness could be caused by the feelings of guilt associated with food and eating disorders. Your post does not give much detail about your history. However, it is likely that your food issues were caused psychologically and the resulting nausea is connected to this.
Guilt and food psychologically go 'hand in hand' because we were all - irrespective of whether or not we had eating disorders - shamed over our food at some point in our lives. This usually first occured when at primary/junior school.
Every dinner-time, some poor child would be shamed because he/she spilled something or dropped a plate!.....Yes!....Everyone cheered!.....The child told off and would cry.....Food can mean shame for many!
Again...You don't say much about your situation....Have you had any therapy?....Have you sought any medical advice?.....Have you had any dietary advice?....If so....Did you feel the benefit of that advice?......
Ideally, you could benefit from three types of professional guidance. The challenge for you is finding someone that you can comfortably 'connect' with so you are able to discuss your issues in confidence. Some medical professionals are more understanding whilst others will 'hand you leaflet' or 'write a prescription'.
Your local doctor/nurse will be able to help you understand your sickness feeling (nausea) by examining any physical issues that may have been caused by your purging.
You could then ask about a referral to a dietician (or any other health professional who can advice on healthy eating such as a practice nurse).....This is an area that the doctor should advise on.
As many people are affected by eating disorders due to psychological issues, one important area worth looking into is counselling/psychological therapy. This will help you to explore more deeply the reasons for the purging and the issues you may still have that are following on from that period of your life. Counselling/therapy may help you to explore the 'root' of the problem.
Talking with a counsellor/therapist who genuinely understands your situation will also help you find guidance with regard to your nausea problem. The counsellor should be able to advise you on what action to take (medically) or even give advice on self-help methods for dealing with your nausea.
People who develop eating disorders are usually experiencing a 'life-long' journey that may have begun early on in life.
Our society today is very much influenced by the 'superficial' visual appearance of the people around us and those that influence us such as celebrities. Many - particularly the younger generation - offer greater respect to those who possess a more 'aesthetic' (beautiful) disposition.
The science of beauty can mean many different things to many different people. There are many perspectives regarding beauty.....However....For many of us....It's about that selfie!....
Sadly, we do find ourselves feeling less valued when we genuinely believe that we cannot compete. Social media makes the situation more prominent today than ever before. Although not to completely blame for the rise in eating disorders.....It doesn't help!...
One self-help remedy which could improve your digestive system is to take regular walks in the fresh air. Early morning walks might help. You could consider going to the gym/swimming/health club for exercise and nutrition advice.
You don't say if you have a fear of vomiting. Some people in your situation feel afraid to go out/leave their home because of this fear. You may need to address this issue in therapy and plan your exercises for when you are not feeling too nauseous.
The nausea will eventually subside as you progress with whatever physical/psychological treatment programme you follow.
