midnight binge
So it's currently almost one in the morning here where I live (hint, it's the land of weed, starbucks, and grunge) as I write this post, and I just had a massive binge. To be specific, this is what I ate:
[edited by Anomalia to remove specifics/triggers]
I was asleep from like 4:30 pm to 10 pm today so I was kinda hungry and ate a spring roll and drank some water earlier when I woke up from my nap and I've been trying to work on schoolwork but it's really stressful and so I've just sorta been f***ing off and watching true crime videos (they're really interesting and I like to study psychology sometimes as a hobby, especially that of serial killers, cult leaders, and general criminals. psychology and true crime is just really interesting to me, though I wouldn't pursue a career in either psych or criminal investigation of any kind. i just find it cool) and I went to go get water and as I'm drinking it I'm suddenly hungry even though I'm not and so uh yeah I ended up binging and I feel absolutely disgusted with myself as I type out this post. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Honestly I wish losing weight and having a good relationship with food was easier. I'd be [edited] pounds already if it was easier for me, but for some reason it's not and no matter what I do I seem to stay about [edited] lbs. I hate it and I want to be skinny. Like skinny skinny. I'm gonna start a month long diet next week (though Halloween is an exception cause my gf is coming over to watch scary movies and eat candy and we're gonna be Catra and She-Ra and it's gonna be cute) and I'm really hoping that I do actually start seeing results.
Who knows though? Maybe if I can't lose it now I can lose it when I finally move to Seoul sometime in the next one or two years. I'm really excited for that day because not only will I be training there to live out my dreams as an idol, I'll finally be free from so much of what's been keeping me down (mostly toxic people and relationships, and I get to start over from scratch on my life and how I present myself).
Honestly I don't know why I have this weird relationship with food. It sorta came about around the same time I started showing more symptoms of bipolar. Idk.
Tbh I hope I'm eventually able to get better with food and weight and body image stuff. It sucks right now... I'll get through it though, right?
@thecosmicchild27 First of all: Catra and She-Ra? OMG OMG OMG! I LOVE IT! I wish I had a girlfriend to do THAT cosplay/costume with 
Second I do the nightly eating too. Or I haven't done it for two nights now. One idea could be, and that helps me, to go to bed late and wake up early. I know that's how to not get much sleep, but there is a bigger chance I will sleep through the night and not wake up at odd times through the night, if I am tired. Adding to that try to work out throughout the day. Bikerides, walks, runs, weightlifting and what not. Make yourself good and tired. Might help you to sleep through the binge.
Last one is a really good one that has helped me a lot. Drink two to tree cups of tea an hour or two before you go to bed. Yes you will need to get up to pee once or twice, but you will feel full until you have to get up in the morning. Water can do that for you too!
@TheMadHatterWasHere
1) Yup!! I'm super excited. I'm making my sword and crown this weekend lol.
2) Thanks for the advice. I've been trying to make myself more tired so I don't really eat at night and in general I've been trying not to eat as much. I have actually been drinking more water and tea which has been helping so I'll keep doing that. Thanks!
^-^
guess who failed the diet
@thecosmicchild27 It's not a fail. You can do it hun! How did it go with the costume thing? The Catra and Adora?
@TheMadHatterWasHere it kinda was, plus tonight I ate an entire freaking pint of ben & jerry's so there's that too. I am gonna try again though
The costume went pretty well!! We were hella cute lol. Got some questions though but it was whatever lol
This thread is triggering
@JaneDoeEyed321 There is a trigger warning in the thread though. Can't edit them when they are written :3