i just need to let this out
07/30
i was in a restroom yesterday at school. i sat and thought about the bread i ate for lunch. my first meal of the day. i thought i shouldn’t have eaten that bc now i feel like i can eat anything that’s in my way. then, i thought i Should eat bc food is fuel. and it hits me that whether i didn’t eat that bread or not, i would still feel miserable abt myself and my body. i didnt really have a choice but i tried my best not to cry at school and not let this affect my studies but it’s soo hard. i thought it would be easy that i would get over it once summer is done but here i am, the second day of school and cannot function well bc of all of this i just want to stop hearing the voices i was so filled with love and positivity in the past esp to myself and now im having a hard time not to look at the mirror and think too much about how visible i want my collarbones to be i check them from time to time including my shoulders. i thought that once im skinny enough, i would be happier but i dont really know tbh i just want to feel peaceful for a second