Really struggling
I am 38 years old this month. I struggled with anorexia for a long time in my teen years. I have found that the struggle never really goes away, but some things make it worse. I slipped a disk in my back 2 years ago and last year was set to have surgery, and then covid happened. My surgery never happened, and this year I decided to try again. I met with a surgeon who told me that my back wasn't going to kill me, but my weight would if I didn't get it under control. He told me that I didn't need to be able to exercise, that I should just stop eating so much. He told me that if I really wanted to lose weight, the less I ate the more I would loose. Then he told me to visit a bariatric surgeon and maybe they could help me. I have had a hard time eating since then. The worst part is I am not that overweight. I am maybe 50 lbs overweight. I just can't deal with it anymore. I feel guilty for having a sandwich. When I have anything substantial I feel sick to my stomach for hours afterwards. I'm starting to love the feeling of pain in my stomach from the constant hunger. I don't want to go back to what I was, but I am not sure if I can stop it.
@badwolf1460 Hi there! Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this with us. This is really difficult to do! Anorexia is a very difficult disorder to deal with. I myself have also dealt with it. Getting told by doctors to lose weight is so triggering - I absolutely understand the guilt you're feeling for merely eating! Doctors are unfortunately not always aware of mental health concerns as they are with physical ones. We are all here for you. You deserve to eat. You are loved and appreciated. Happy early birthday!
@badwolf1460 Hi there! Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this with us. This is really difficult to do! Anorexia is a very difficult disorder to deal with. I myself have also dealt with it. Getting told by doctors to lose weight is so triggering - I absolutely understand the guilt you're feeling for merely eating! Doctors are unfortunately not always aware of mental health concerns as they are with physical ones. We are all here for you. You deserve to eat. You are loved and appreciated. Happy early birthday!
Thank you. This is the first time I've felt really understood since mid March when I spoke with him. Everyone I know has been supportive and angry on my behalf, but I haven't felt like anyone really knows what the struggle is like.
@badwolf1460 For sure. People listen to you, but they don't really know what it feels like and that can leave you feeling pretty alone with it. I'm super glad you've found this community. 
@badwolf1460 The same happened to me. That's why my ED has been bad for almost 4 years now :S