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Eating Disorder Getting Worse + School

myparalleluniverse February 28th, 2018
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Hello Everybody,

I have been having a difficult time recently with my eating disorder - having relapsed. I know they behaviour is unhealthy but I just can't help it. So the problem is I have gained so much over the past year (when i was supposed to be in recovery) and I want to lose weight so that I can be healthier. So I have been working out a lot recently - at first it was ok and I thought I was doing everything right but my friends became to be concerned. I have been doing 2/3 hours a night running on the treadmill plus additional workouts depending on what I have eaten that day. I have not been a huge eater, even during the past year but I won't go over 200 cals now - I need to lose weight and I think thats the only way I can. Anyway I had a small breakdown yesterday when I was working out, as all my friends were messaging me telling me that they are concerned and stuff, and I decided that I was going to seek some professional support. (something I haven't done in all the years I have suffered.) My doctors isn't great and can be hard to get an appointment and I would like to keep my parents out (I am over 18 so shouldn't be a problem) so I decided to go to my college support and ask to see the counciller that comes in. Anyway, today I get an email from my teacher - he wants me to write a food diary of my week. We have been doing a nutrition unit and I completly understand this is a necessary part but it gets me so anxious - they keep saying it has to be of us and needs to be truthful - but 1. I don't want others knowing how much I eat, and making remaks 2. I don't want to have to think about food any more than I need to, I already think about it all the time. Plus this will cause my friends to say something which I defiantly don't want.

How would you handle this? Shall I do the food diary? I am starting to think I shouldn't ask my college for help - it took me so long to convince myself but now I am having second thoughts. I am so scared and I feel like I can't do anything right.

Thank you.

6
neatSail7184 March 7th, 2018
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@myparalleluniverse that is honestly so upsetting that your teacher expects you to share what you eat with him and the rest of the class. If it's possible, tell him you would like to pass on the assignment because that is personal information that you'd like to keep between you and your doctor. But I think you should still talk to your school counsellor. They can be really helpful, and unlike teachers, they won't force you to share anything you don't want to. Getting help is really important and you deserve that so here's one last push to get the help you deserve! <3

myparalleluniverse OP March 7th, 2018
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@neatSail7184 Thank you! The assignment is a part of my end of year grade to get into university so it isn't really possible to miss out completly, but I don't understand why we have to do a food diary and share it with him and the class. He also keeps repeating the fact that we should be reading labels for all food that we eat and keep them to bring it in to our next lesson - which is frustrating because thats exactly what I am trying not to do as it just triggers my ed behaviours. Its so frustrating that they don't even consider the effects it may have :( Thank you for your reply!

neatSail7184 March 7th, 2018
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@myparalleluniverse wow that really sucks =[ my first thought when reading your post is that you should fake your food diary. It sucks that he makes you get so into the details of it, but at least you would be able to keep your actually food diary secret.

Another option, at my university, we have student disability services. They help us talk to our teachers if we have mental or physical needs. If you talk to a counselor at school and explain the situation, perhaps they can help you discuss an alternative assignment with your teacher.

A side note, if you're a minor, teachers are required to report if they believe you're in danger. If your teacher sees that you're consistently not eating, he will probably confront you about it, and might report it to counsellors. If you talk to counselors first, you can talk about what's going on in your own terms, and possibly avoid the trauma of doing that ridiculous assignment.

braveKiwi9562 February 28th, 2018
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I get it I mean I in the past I have had inconsistent eating days we

Nasibah March 12th, 2018
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@myparalleluniverse

We had the same assignment. It's very triggering could u maybe talk to ur teacher to do another assignment or get A/N on that section.

Nasibah March 12th, 2018
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Personally i made it up because I'm still a minor so my parents would get involvedand it was very triggeing if i count it .i would suggest talking to ur teacher. Maybe u could get a note from ur doctor.