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  3. **Eating Disorder Check-ins** Week of Dec 3 - 9

**Eating Disorder Check-ins** Week of Dec 3 - 9
KristenHR December 3rd, 2023
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Can you believe it's now the start of the first full week of December?  The year is quickly drawing to a close.  With this being the start of holiday season, I think it's important for us to really think about self-care through the holidays.  Things can get very hectic and busy between appointments, shopping, gatherings with family/friends (if you have them), meal planning, recovery activities and treatment and other life activities that we do on a daily basis outside of the holidays.  It's this time of year that finances may tend to be more difficult as well because of feeling like there is a need to give gifts to those we care about even when we may not be able to afford it.

As we check-in this week, in addition to how you're doing, I'd like to inquire as to how you are going to intentionally take steps to care for you this month as it may get busier and busier closer to the end of the month. 

What activities of self-care and stress management work for you (think short amounts of time and longer amounts of time)

What might be something you'd like to try that you've considered but haven't tried so far for self-care or stress management?

I'd love to hear how you are doing and what your thoughts are on self-care during the holidays.

3
TheMadHatterWasHere December 7th, 2023
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@KristenHR I honestly feel like *** these days. I go on tumblr for ED content all the time, and I just wanna starve, starve, STARVE. I don't eat much. I go for fruit most of the time instead of something more fulfilling. I just wanna eat something like to stave off the hunger and feel slightly dizzy from not really eating much.

I have accepted to have one meal a day, which is next to normal. Today I am having homemade mashed potatoes, and that about what I have eaten all day except from an orange. I know I should eat, but I don't wanna. I just wanna starve. I don't wanna unalive though.

My situation has worsened after a friend of mine has been hospitalized with anorexia, and I find myself (stupidly enough) jealous of her. Jealous that she is getting help, that she can get help, but also jealous of the skinny. Of the way she starves like a PRO and the way she looks. I wanna be like her, yet I know she is dangerously skinny. I know she is going to unalive, if she doesn't get better soon. And I don't wanna unalive, I really don't, but yet I still want the skinny, even if it's illogical :S

KristenHR OP December 7th, 2023
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@TheMadHatterWasHere

That really sounds like a scary place to be.  Also kind of a lonely place to be.  A place where you're torn between health and unhealthy, life and death, food and barely food. 

What are your options at this point if you chose to fight for you - the healthy you?  If you chose your life over your death?  If you chose your health over being unhealthy?  If you chose a way to find peace over the constant ED voice of it's never skinny enough battle you're in?

If it's hard to hold hope, hold on to the hope I hold for you.


TheMadHatterWasHere December 9th, 2023
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@KristenHR I don't know. I don't know if I can do that. I don't even know if I want to. I don't think I want to. I want the skinny so badly that everything else fades away I think. Also I am worried for my friend. I just want her to come out of there and be okay. Be healthy. Which is kinda double standard as I want the skinny all for myself. Or so it feels.

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