Update
After four years of this nonsense I've finally picked up 6kgs. I should be happy right? I should be relieved right?
But I'm not. I hate how I look and am constantly panicking. I'm slowly losing weight again but I can't bring myself to fix it. Everything has just fallen apart and I just don't know how to do this all again.
@JustMeHopeful
Hi, thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your pain and for how difficult this is. Sending you lots of hugs ❤️
Thank you, it's great knowing someone out here cares.
@JustMeHopeful It sounds like you have a negative self image and this is causing you to panic after you've gained 6 kilograms. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Whether you see yourself or others as beautiful or ugly depends far more on your perception than on the features you are looking at. This resource may be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/eating-disorder-help/ Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk more about this. I hope you are able to put things together again and find acceptance and appreciation for yourself, regardless of how you look or what your weight is.
Update:
I've relapsed into my eating disorder.
Relapse is rough ☹️ My sympathies! I know how tempting of a draw it can be. I hope you can pick yourself back up soon.
@JustMeHopeful
Maybe you have to slowly adjust your diet to make your diet more healthy, instead of gaining a lot of weight at one time and losing a lot of weight at one time, which is harmful to the body