My little disability space [TW]
Hi! My name is Avy. I'm 15 years old. Basically I am going to use this space to rant about pain, the affects of my disability, and weird little things about it no one notices.
Let me explain my story a little bit:
So in 2021 I was playing soccer and I got stepped on, and then stepped on again early 2022. I went to my doctor and she sent me to an orthopedic doctor. That was when the surgeon said he was surprised I hadn't been to see him sooner. Because of my injury I ended up with severe tendinitis and arthritis in my foot. I was sent to physical therapy. Through months of intense physical therapy 4 times a week and going to the surgeon every 3 weeks, he figured this out. I have naturally high arches, it runs in my family. But for some reason the tendons in my foot stopped growing when I was about 7. Which explains why my feet have always hurt. As I'm getting older and taller it's getting worse and one day the tendons in my feet will snap. I also have tri-pod foot (that's what he called it) from my heels being misaligned. Basically only 3 really small points on my feet ever touch the ground. Not even my toes 😨. I've gone through 2 pairs of inserts, I do physical therapy every dang day, and nothings working. Basically now my only option is surgery. Since I've been limping for 2 years my knee has been affected and so has my hips. This whole process has been really isolating and discouraging. I kind of just want it over.
Anyway lots of weird things happen so I'll share them here!
@tinywhisper11
okay-ish news i guess. I have a virtual appointment at the end of the month with the special hospital, before they can say yes to the test. They will most likely say yes, they just want to see me first.
im honestly really freaking frustrated because this is taking too long and this was just supposed to be an easy problem i was supposed to be able to fix with a little physical therapy. they want inserts, fine ill use them. They want me to keep doing PT even though it does nothing, fine. Oh i need ankle braces, fine. The orthotic dr says they wont help and will just make me really self conscious so i get another pair of inserts, fine. Pain meds don't work, they ignore me when i say it hurts really freaking bad. i cant drive, i cant walk, i cant go skating with my boyfriend.
they were SUPPOSED to call in November, which they said they 'did' but my mum never got it. now i wont have the freaking study til febuary and the dr says the surgery usually books out 3 weeks in advance. My birthday is the third week of march. so instead of healing while i was on break i might be recovering on my 16th *** birthday.
sorry im just really really mad because no one gives a damn
@AvyIsKing 😞 that isn't the greatest news. But I guess they do need to do it properly to know exactly how to help you. But your sweet 16th. It's ok maybe you'll get extra presents for being so brave. Hugs you tightly ❤ I know your annoyed, nothing ever goes the way we want it to. I'm sorry sweetie. But it'll be worth the wait, in the end. Gives you a big hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly
@Tinywhisper11
i really hope its worth it. I probably just need a good cry aha. hugggssssss. im trying to hard to stay positive during all of this, i really am. Its honestly just been a crushing experience. i don't even know what to do anymore.
@AvyIsKing first thing you need to do, is cry ❤ it is a major crushing blow for anyone to deal with, but you being so young😞 it's heartbreaking. Your doing an incredible job at staying positive through all this. Your a very strong girl ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ just cry it out. And vent as much as you need it might help
@Tinywhisper11
i haven't cried in years. besides happy tears those are different. i haven't cried sad tears since i found out my grandma was sick in 2020, i think i forgot how ):
i cant wait to get out of class so i can text macon, he will know how to make sense of any of this
@AvyIsKing awww I'm sorry sweetie😞 yeah! Trauma can stop the tears, hugs you tightly ❤ I'm glad you have your boyfriend to talk to ❤❤ sending bear hugs your way🐻🐨
@tinywhisper11
had a rough day mentally, how was your day?
@AvyIsKing actually I have had a hard time the past few days mentally too. But trying to stay positive 😁❤ do you know why your bad mental health patch started?? Or is it just a collective thing of everything going on in your life lately? Did you talk to your boyfriend yesterday?
I'm finding I do absolutely insane things when I'm in pain. The human brain can only handle one kind of pain at once, it prioritizes the more intense one.
I get really frustrated with my pain and I'm sick of hurting. Even when it's not bad i just don't want to hurt. TW last month I slammed my finger in the car door, just because I wanted to feel something not foot related.
Last night I messaged my ex. The abusive one. I was feeling self destructive. It wasn't my usual power move one. I submitted and wanted him back. I just wanted to hurt myself I guess.
Anyway we are in correspondence now (: I mean keep your friends close and your enemies closer
@AvyIsKing
i am sorry how do you feel
@yellowThinker7831
today has been a rough day, how are you
@AvyIsKingsorry i am replying now i just saw it,if u dont mind how did u know my day was rough
@yellowThinker7831
Most days are rough love, we gotta keep thriving
@AvyIsKingthanks u are cool
@yellowThinker7831thats nice sorry but mine is ash i kinda think there is more to the colour i like brown too
Skating was a terrible idea
It hurts so bad
@AvyIsKing 😮😮😮 roller skating😨 ouchhhh! Hugs you better ❤❤ are you ok??? Did you at least have fun???
ouchieeeee!
@Tinywhisper11
hugs❤️❤️ had loads of fun!!
@AvyIsKing yaaay! I'm glad you had fun ❤❤❤ now spend the day of your feet if you can 🤗
@Tinywhisper11
I went home and rested and slept, today I'm dying my hair hehehe
@AvyIsKing cool what colour did you diy your hair???
The most terrible thing has happened 😱😱😱😱😱 yep! That's right I've lost my voice 😲😲😲 I am officially now a tiny whisper 😥😭
have a good day ❤ loves you
@tinywhisper11
bright red!! Also noooooo I hope you find your voice soon ❤️❤️
@AvyIsKing oooo! Bright red😍 I bet you look amazing. The doctor has come out and I'm on steroids and antibiotics, and yep no voice
@Tinywhisper11
i look a tad weird lol, not used to being so close to my natural :0 i have red hair, but since i turned 13 my hair has been : purple, faded purple (basically pink and white), black, blue, teal, and blonde aha
also nooooo *sending healing beams* feel better soon!!
@AvyIsKing well I bet you look amazing. I'm sure you will too, after a couple of days. ❤❤❤
New symptom developed today.
My ankle seized up and I had a real hard time picking up the front half of my foot and I finally and slowly worked my foot flat and was marching like a goofball aha.
Pains like a 7 rn, its keeping me up.
My friend has eds and pots, and we were talking today. She understands my pain and my sugar issues and it was really nice to have someone to just relate to me in person
@AvyIsKing oh no it's swollen😨 ouch! I'm glad you got to talk with your friend ❤ is that the friend who's mum had covid?? If so how are they both? You should call and mention this to the doctor in the morning. I hope you were brave and took your pain meds? Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I'm so sorry sweetie, I really hope the doctors will help you really soon ❤ I'm here if you need me ❤
@Tinywhisper11
its actually a different friend hehe! Ive been branching out and making more friends even though its scary. I was going to take pain meds but it was 1am and everyone had already gone to sleep. ❤️❤️ hugsss❤️❤️ I will tell my mum and she might call the dr aha,
how have you been Lola?
Ive been super stressed lately, I have a crazy band audition on Saturday. Im worried about it aha. I want to see my boyfriend but he isn't scheduling anything so I'm going to invite him over on Sunday hehe 🥺
@AvyIsKing aww dw I'm sure your boyfriend has just been busy with homework and stuff ❤ and worried about band practice? I bet your the most talented one out of all of them, so no need to be stressed, go and show em all how it's done ❤ did your mum call the doctor?? How is your pain level now? And yaaay! I'm proud of you ❤ the more friends the better, well done ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I asked him if he wanted to come over in-between church times and he said maybe (:
My mum didn't call the doctor but my sciatic nerve was hurting with morning and my knee is seized up right now so I took pain meds aboit 4 hours ago.
I'm actually excited for the band thing ahaha
@AvyIsKing yaaaay! Your very clever to be able to play a musical instrument. Learning music is realllllllllllly hard. I think your mother needs some talking to! She should of phones the doctor😟 now your knees swollen 😨 perhaps it's a bit of a infection, your mum needs to call the doctors. Hugs your pain away ❤❤it's not fair my poor lil friend. And that's good, I'm sure you will see your boyfriend really soon ❤❤
@tinywhisper11 I think it's just because I've been overdoing it on the walking 😔 you heard me, I've been a bit crazy. And I actually play 4instruments, I can play 5 and I'm picking up a 6th hehe. It's like my outlet I love it so much.
My mom says to keep an eye on it and she might call.
@AvyIsKing ok I'm gonna sending you my chair ♿ to borrow. And duct tape you in it, so you don't walk for 45 hours😁 wow! Your a musical genius, I'm so proud of you ❤hows the pain eased of a bit today?
@Tinywhisper11
aha, me has lots of stuff to do though ):
how about we makes a deal. after Saturday i don't have to leave my house for 3 days so i will rest as much as possible (:
pain is meh, there's a hurricane over here so i think that's affecting it. scary storms -w-
and yayyyyy your voice is back!!! be careful not to make it go away by yelling too loud hehe
@AvyIsKing oh no a hurricane😱 are you safe? How did band practice go?? Is that you in your pfp? It's very cute ❤and ok deal ❤ is jeffy ok with storms???
@AvyIsKing oh and great news😁 I got my voice back yaaaaaay ❤ la laaaaa laaaaaa laa laa
@Tinywhisper11 laaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So yesterday was insane. I had that crazy band audition and i was running around all day and my foot really hurt ):
oh and Friday I was in band rehearsing and my entire arm went numb like my foot does. Its weird. I was very embarrassed and alsl confused and scared. My arm isn't supposed to do that. My mum thinks I pinched a nerve but I was just moving my arm like I do all the time it wasn't even crazy. Then there was the shooting pains and it hurt 😔
Ah my dog just jumped on the bed Im making ):
Anyway back to the audition. I didn't make it in, they auditioned aboit 350 kids and only 50 make it in. But I'm first alternate which basically means if someone gets sick they call me. I'm really proud of myself, considering I took 6 months off, and only have been playing for about 5 months. These kids I was up against practice everyday for hours and have private lessons, and everything.
Taking it easy today, just cleaning my room because my boyfriend is coming over in about an hour (: we are going to snuggle and watch a movie.
My dog is mad I want him off my bed so I can finish making it. 
@AvyIsKing wow! That dog is huge, don't make him mad😱😱 well done sweetie, you did a great job at the band thing. I'm very proud of you ❤❤❤ and yaaay! You and your boyfriend time. Don't forget to drop hints for what you want for Valentine's day 😁 awww bless you, was your arm numb for long?? It could of been a nerve. But I don't know, the body is a weird thing😕 are you ok now?
@Tinywhisper11
my other dog is even bigger 😮 thank you, I'm really proud of myself too 🥺 me and my boyfriend had a lovely time. He wasn't feeling well but he knew I needed snuggles so he came over anyway. My blankets smell like him now. It makes me feel so so safe. Valentines day is actually our 4 month anniversary, I just want some hugs aha. He kissed my forehead yesterday, it was the best thing ever. My arm is okay now, it's weird that that happened lol. We are having a huge snow storm here which means my arthritis is acting upn😔 hugssss❤️❤️❤️