Don't know what to do at this point in time.
Hey. What's up? Username's "IWantFree" on here but most people call me Wheat.
I'm feeling utterly lost mentally because I caused the downfall/breakup of my 5 year relationship by lying, manipulating, losing control of my emotions, bursting out in anger, saying the most hurtful and degrading things I could, and many other things. We were engaged, set to be married early this year.
I hid so much from her, lied about it every step of the way, not only to her but her family and pretty much everyone around me. I didn't treat her with the respect she earned and she deserved so much better than what I gave her. I kept promising to Give her effort and respect and would fall back every time. In the end my own emotional instability and inability to control myself led me to hurt her in every emotional way possible.
I want so badly just to talk to her, to work things out. To hope for a future together, but I have no idea. Tonight is one month since we broke up. I don't know if she'll ever see this or if she even did, if she would recognize the situation - but I'm sorry.
@iWantFree
It takes courage to acknowledge the harm that has been done and to express remorse for it. Lying, manipulation, anger, and disrespect can all have devastating impacts on a relationship, and it takes time and effort to heal from that type of pain.
It's important to focus on your own growth and self-improvement, take measures to address the behaviours and patterns that led to the harm in your relationship. This may include therapy or counselling to work through your emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
It's up to your ex-partner to decide if they want to communicate with you or not, but it's crucial to respect their boundaries and give them space if that's what they need. Don't give up on yourself, though. You deserve happiness and a healthy relationship, and taking responsibility for your actions and working towards change is a step in the right direction.
Maybe you can start by healing you. Until you have done that, it is too easy to fall back into old patterns. Are you talking to anyone professionally about it?@iWantFree
@bestVase7265 I'm not, I've contacted multiple places near me and each one has chosen to ignore me so I'm rather considering online therapy instead
Online therapy sounds great. Right now there are lots of people in need so it can be challenging to find a therapist in a lot of places. If you are patient, the right opportunity for someone to talk to will appear. @iWantFree
