trying to love someone with severe depression
I have had an on and off relationship for a few years with a guy who dumps me when he gets deep into an episode of depression. He always comes back. it difficult because I love him and when he's at his worst he refuses to believe it because he just hates himself so much it is unfathomable to him. Of course he has intense abandoment issues from his ex who left him during a dark time because she just didn't care. Now he thinks no one will ever love him at his worst.
Right now we are not speaking because he refused to talk to me or open up to me, so i decided to remove myself from the situation as to not have my presence add to his guilt and self hate. He knows he can come to me for anything, and he always does when he's at his lowest.
Does anyone have any experience on trying to love and persevere in a relationship one someone is all but given up the fight in their depression?
the simplest way I can describe how I feel is: I know he would do anything for me, he'd take a bullet for me, but he also welcomes that bullet for himself.
Hello @helpfulPond3973
It sounds like you have been trying to make this relationship work but are struggling. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, I can't imagine how it feels. I don't have any experience with something like this, but I'm sure there is someone out there who does have experience. If you need to talk to someone about this, feel free to connect with a listener <3
@helpfulPond3973 It is like you are telling me my own love story lol I am currently barely in a better spot. I want to offer you some hope. His depression will never be cured. You don't need to fix him. You can't be his therapist. You just sitting there whether or not he hugs you helps him trust me. THIS PART IS THE HARDEST PART. But, if he shuts you out, give him space. Check up on him ONCE a week even as a friend. Ask him hows his week been? It reminds him that you stick around because you know he's not gonna be sick forever. You being a friend helps him. You wanting to stick around for helps him. I think of it as: "if my child needs a wheelchair, would I leave them" the answer is NO. I think of a lot of scenarios too. Not just one. I suggest you write down how you feel about this person.
@independentLion2898 thank you for replying, unfortunately my situation has only gotten a lot more complicated. He called me extremely drunk and confessed he's in a serious relationship but still in love with me and I'm not on speaking terms with him in any way. I'm pretty sure he has more than just major depression and also PTSD or even BPD. Right now I'm just trying to find a way to move on because it's clear that my presence isn't needed. I wish he would at least let me try to support him but he makes that decision for me and I have no option but to not be in his life.
@helpfulPond3973
WOW I'm sorry this happened. I hope with a lot of self care and self love you will move on. Please take all the time you need if you need to grieve too. You deserve love too
@helpfulPond3973
So true...