Being there for someone with Depression...any help welcome
Hello,
This is my first time EVER posting in a forum, but I'm trying to learn that it's OKAY to seek help, so here goes nothing....
I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. They were mostly wonderful, but when the stagnancy kicked in, so did the health of it.
He was always the knight in shining armor. Always took care of me, and bent over backwards over others. There were many times I always asked him, "What about you?", and he'd replied, "As long as your happy, I'm happy too." He was a social drinker that would never be aware of his limits, especially his friends. We fought over this-me over his safety, him telling me that I should loosen up and trust him. He eventually got a DUI, and it affected him It was around this time I saw the once happy, sweet, caring guy, slip away. He got irritable, looked miserable at times, but still didn't want to share. It was taking a toll, I Knew something was wrong, but too comfortable to say something.
Finally, it all blew over. A month before our anniversary, he announced how he found a place to move in ASAP, since he never had the experience before. He went on how he feels embarrassed and ashamed how he feels like there's a lot of things he didn't accomplished in life, and hated himself. It blew over, and it was then I found out that night he got a DUI, he cheated on me. My world was broken.
Over time we talked (and still do), and figure out ourselves, and then to each other. He kept talking about having a "dark cloud" always lingering, his head always in untangled Christmas lights, but acted a facade that everything was A OK. I knew it's not. His friends knew something was up, but he doesn't want to open up. He tried to initially see a counselor, but he didn't click with him, and the counselor thought nothing was wrong, and kept sliding him down in frequency to the point where it's been a couple of months since he went in. It got to the point where I roped in couples counseling, after he blurted out to me that he has depression, and harbored it for so long because He feels like a burden to everyone.
I've seen his panic/depressive episodes come out, and I try really hard not to let it get it me: when it happens, he questions what if our work in couples counseling will fail, if he'll ever feel okay or himself again, not sure if he'll ever get back to the man he used to be more me because of what he did to me, how he hates himself and will never forgive himself, doesn't know what he wants to do with his life...it's all too much.
I want to be there for him as best as I can, while remembering my own limits and self care first (I'm in weekly counseling myself with anxiety issues). He finally acknowledged that its affected his daily life, and has reached out to a few potential new therapists. Any advice would be helpful.....he said several times when these panic outbursts happen he doesn't want to lose me but feels stuck....I'm trying to be there for him while managing my Anxiety. I apologize for the long winded post, but anything would help at this point.....