Asking help for a friend
A friend of mine is very depressed and with the new year starting it's acting up badly. He's tired and feels very sad, because last years have been very hard on him. He also told me he feels he won't get anywhere this year and that his will to live is running short.
I'm trying my best to support him and be there for him, even when I'm in a different country at the moment. I try to keep in touch with him everyday. I don't want him to hurt himself, and I just wish I could do anything for him to make things better. I know there's not much I can do, but be supportive and there when he needs someone.
But if anyone has another suggestion how I can help him get through his depression, or has any ideas on what to say to someone with depression that helps ease the sadness. Please let me know.
Thanks in advance! And I wish all of you the best!
- Ocean
@LoverOfTheOcean When you write, "his will to live is running short" and then "I don't want him to hurt himself" it sounds like his situation is kind of risky.
One idea might be to identify local sources of expert help in the country your friend is in, so he knows that if there's a crisis he can access help quickly. There's a list here: List of suicide crisis lines. (7 Cups also has its own lists, but they are not kept up to date.) Your friend can also contact any of these helplines when he's feeling sad, before there is a crisis.
To help you to help him, you might want to consider doing some training in active listening. You could become a listener here at 7 Cups, although our training is not very good. You can easily find out more about active listening if you search the Internet.
Charlie
It is great that you are being a kind friend. Just being there to listen without judgment is awesome.
It is also good to lean your friend towards professional resources. Suggest coming here as one of those resources and then urge that he see a doctor. This is a medical condition and can be a dangerous one.@LoverOfTheOcean
Thank you.
He already sees a therapist, but won't have another session for two weeks, due to holidays. I will suggest 7cups as a resource though. Thank you!
That bit between appointments is always tough. It can take a while to get everything under control (sometimes a few years at least for me).
What was really great was having someone who I knew wasn't going to judge me or turn away. She just regularly texted me to see how I was doing. It made all the difference in the world. @LoverOfTheOcean
I can imagine it being tough. I'm definitely not going to stop checking in on him. Thank you.
She sounds like an amazing friend. And I wish you all the best to come!
How have things been lately?@LoverOfTheOcean
Sorry for replying so late, but thanks for checking in.
Things have had ups and downs I guess. For my friend but also for me.
My friend has had moments where he wanted to hurt himself, but didn't act to it. I've told him that I'm very proud of him. He's still struggling a bit though. Drama with friends and finding a new job. But he's pulling through and does talk openly about it (with me, but also with other friends of his). I'm glad he does that.
As for me, I've gotten into therapy and have my second session today. I'm terrified and excited at the same time. Though I'm also struggling a bit with a breakup still. I'm sure I'll be alright though. And I'm proud of myself for taking the step to get into therapy.
How have things been with you lately? @bestVase7265
Glad to hear that things are a little smoother. Therapy can be really tough at first, but it really helps once you get into it. @LoverOfTheOcean
@LoverOfTheOcean,
I have been severely depressed myself.
I had nobody to help me, my wife tried but didn't know how and others backed away.
Looking back what I so needed was understanding. People who are depressed or maybe better have been there.
Maybe you could suggest your friend to find support groups, maybe there are meetup groups close to where he lives.
For me, feeling understood is what I so needed and craved for.
So sorry to hear, sending you positive vibes and virtual hugs!
Thank you for your advice! I'll talk to my friend about support groups and or meetups.
Again thank you! Your advice is much appreciated as are you as a person. And I hope life will bring you more good days than bad days.
@LoverOfTheOcean,
thank you.
I beat my depression, with no help. Unfortunately, it cost me my soulmate, my best friend, the love of my life. Two people who still deeply love each other and always will have a deep connection. It all became too much for her.
It's good that you are there for your friend but don't forget to take care of you first.
Sometimes, the best help is just to be there. Someone who pours him a nice cup of tea. Or gives a hug. In silence.
Guard yourself. Don't be like my wife who tried to help her way and sort of gave herself away.
That must've been rough, beating depression alone. But you did it, and you are allowed to feel proud about that. I hope you and your soulmate are still in touch. Love like that doesn't fade away that easily.
People around me have said to not forget myself too. And I do try to take care of myself first. That's why I'm asking for advice too, so I can set boundaries for myself as well. And also to learn more how to help a friend in need out of course.
I'm very thankful for everyone answering! It's very helpful and appreciated.
So again, thank you! And I wish you all the best.
