Tricked into a platonic relationship
Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but I feel like my "boyfriend" tricked me into a platonic relationship. Now we live together and I'm so lonely all the time and he doesn't understand why I call our relationship platonic and fake.
We used to work together last year and we were friends. My family lived on the other side of the country and wanted me back home and I was offered a much higher paying job. So a month before I left the state my "bf" and I started dating. It was pretty normal at first! We were 34 and he was still a virgin so not exactly typical but there was romantic stuff going on.
I moved back to my home state, and not a single family member came to visit me. So after 6 months I decided to move back across the country to be with my "bf" and I got my original job back. So now we live together and work together.
We have separate rooms and live as roommates, he kisses the top of my head and that is the extent of anything romantic. This is not what I signed up for. I have asked him why he didn't tell me ahead of time, before I moved across the country, that he only wanted a platonic relationship because that's not something I want. He says he didn't know and that he feels very attached to me so he doesn't see it as a platonic relationship. I mean we're friends, but we basically have a roommate or even worse, a mother/son type relationship. All I do is cook and do laundry. I feel so so lonely and I feel trapped. I have no one to talk to, my own mother won't even call me back. I have no friends, no one to trust. I don't know what to do, or how I keep getting myself into bad relationships. I'm almost 35, so I'm never going to have a family. I feel hopeless.
I'm sorry you're feeling trapped @SailorSeahorse! And I'm sorry your family is not supportive. Never say never, I believe that you can find a family if you want one. Good luck to you, I hope you do find what you need.
And I feel I should say: You are capable. I hope you won't be too afraid to see what you can really do!
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I clicked on your post because I'm struggling with a similar platonic situation... for the last 2 years and then we had sex one time and I got pregnant. Now our daughter is 7 months old and last time we were intimate was when we conceived her.
If you want a family, you have the right to have a loving, fulfilling family life. I love my daughter and I'm good friends with her father, we live and parent together. But I can't tell you how insecure I felt while pregnant, praying that my anxiety won't be felt by the baby, how sad I am when i go to sleep and how I cry everytime I shower. We are in therapy now and the best bet is to stay friends and parent together. It's painful.
I'm sharing my story not to take attention from yours or "give advice", but to illustrate that when there is intimate dissatisfaction, having a family is painful everyday.
You have the right to built a loving, beautiful family, where you can feel and experience love in body and soul! Esther Perel speaks beautifully about asexual relationships and how to communicate.... and then let go if the partner doesn't show interest in being with you.
I wish you all the best, I am deeply sorry for what you are experiencing, without any support from family and friends...
May you find the strength and optimism to build the life you want, the life you deserve.
I'm so sorry @sailorseahorse. Your post title drew me in because I'm in a similar situation, except that I am married. My husband and I used to be romantic and intimate and have fun before we got married. Now it feels like we are glorified roommates and I am also his mom. He has regressed and leaves stuff everywhere, then does not understand why I make a big deal of it when I literally am asking him to pick up after himself daily. He's emotionally immature, does not know how to be there for me when I'm sad when I tell him I had a bad day. Instead runs out to play basketball or video games or watch wrestling with a friend. And I have no support from my family.
Do you have the means to move out on your own or find a roommate on one of those sites that help you match with one? Is this relationship something you want? Please ask yourself if this is what you want while your paths are more open either direction.
It sounds unbelievable given that I have been experiencing the exact opposite over so many years. Women giving little to no attention and sexual desire. I'm astonished to hear that this is happening. Please exit the relationship asap.
