Hey, thanks for sharing. I know how it feels to believe that opening up will push people away, and it's not a fun feeling. However, people that really are supportive and care about you won't turn on you; they will try to understand you more in an effort to support you better. Opening up, although a difficult process, may end up helping you find the support you're looking for.
Fighting against irrational thoughts can be tough, especially if they are intrusive, but so long as you know and understand that there are people that care about you, you'll be closer to fending them off. Hang in there; you got this!