Feeling awful and alone
So my first born just graduated. It has me in all kinds of moods right now. I am feeling so depressed and alone in this. I know it’s a happy time, but all I can do is cry. Time went by way to fast. My child just did everything all at once: graduated, got a job, and is in a new relationship.
So a little background about my child: My child loves doing stuff with me, and always has. Or at least did, until the new person in my child’s life pretty much stopped it.
A little more to that story- my child’s new beau has been putting stuff in my child’s head and saying stuff like you need to do this, or you need to do that. And don’t go do that, go do this. I’ve heard it without my child knowing I did (I wasn’t spying, I overheard it). And of course being the person my child is, my child will go along with them. It might be because of being afraid to “lose” this new beau.
I had a feeling about this person before they started dating. It was all bad energy. I am able to read people really, really well. There have been multiple situations where I have done the same and I ended up being right about them.
I know this is not the right relationship for my child. And I know I can’t say you can’t date them. This is especially not the right relationship if someone is going to manipulate my child into doing or not doing stuff. I’m honestly afraid of the new beau turning my child against me. And I can not “mind my own business” in this sort of situation. I’m not going to let my child be hurt or worse.
Anyone else have this happen? What did you do if you have?
Oh, and I have already talked with my child about this and how I feel, except for coming out and literally saying I don’t think they are right for you. I don’t want to push my child away either. This is killing me.
@ConcernedWife2017 My mother also was concerned about my relationship, even casually told me that she didn't think it was good for me. I was deaf to her concern.
When I ask myself what might have helped me, it would have been more group dates. Perhaps if my mother invited us both to spend time with her and her significant other. Or suggested double dates with people I trusted, I might have realized, "Hey this person and I are NOT good for each other".
@KrillCactus
Was your mom right in not liking the person you were dating? Did anything happen with that person that made her right for not liking your relationship? If you don’t mind me asking.
I have spent time with my child’s beau and something keeps telling me that they are just not good for my child. It’s not just the fact that I have seen him telling her what to do. It’s beyond that. It’s that gut instinct I have.
I had this but it was my daughter about my partner. I didn't listen kept going almost broke my family. Found he had been using me, cheating etc. I learnt in the end
@Kayseri65
I am sorry that you went through that. I’m glad you found out before anything went further with your partner. I am hoping that my child realizes her beau is being manipulative. I would have no problem what so ever if that was not the case.
@ConcernedWife2017 you have to let them walk their own path and be there to support if things fall apart
@Kayseri65
I completely understand that and I know I have to let her live her life, but if I know that this person is bad by seeing it, I am just hoping she learns it before she gets too involved and hurt badly, or worse. And I am always here for her no matter what. I always have been.
@ConcernedWife2017 I know, sometimes it's just hard being g the observer. Hopefully she will realise sooner than later x
@ConcernedWife2017
Hi there concernedWife2017, this must be a heavy worry for you, I understand it's not easy to just passively observe how your son's relationship goes on. You already shared with him how you feel, but if he didn't give you a specific feedback, maybe right now you can just keep a good communication with him in order to be there if something happens and to be sure he will open up with you.
Do you have anyone in the family with whom to share about your concern and discuss things that happen so that they can give you their opinion on how they see the couple?If you are alone facing this, feel free to update us to share about the situation and how it makes you feel. Fingers crossed !
@MeaningfulSilence
Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it. It’s actually my daughter’s relationship. She is my first born child. And you are right, it is a very heavy worry for me. I’m stressed out, my stomach is in knots sometimes, and I am lacking sleep because if it. If it was something little, or simple, it would be a different story. These things her bf are doing are major red flags. That is why I’m so worried. She was in another relationship before, but nothing like this happened.
I always let her know that I am here for her and that she can talk to me about anything at all. I told her don’t be scared to talk to me, no matter what the situation is. Problem is that she’s not seeing what he is doing. She’s new to relationships and hasn’t had much experience in them yet being that she is young still.
I brought up her boyfriend to a few of my family members who I trust and asked their opinion of him (the ones who met him). This was before I even gave my opinion or what the problems are about him. One of them said he seems like he’s manipulative. The other said he seems like he is pushy. Both of them are right.
I found out that he is in fact manipulating my daughter. And I found out he was trying to be pushy with some things with her. I have seen so many red flags with him in a short period of time. They all came up so fast. Problem is trying to get my daughter to see them before she gets into this further with him.
@ConcernedWife2017
Hi there!
Yes the problem is exactly like you said, if and when she's going to realize his red flags and behaviors.
The fact other people saw the same you do, doesn't help your inner peace for sure.
It's good that you have an open communication with your daughter, hopefully it'll help the situation.
Fingers crossed and a lot of good vibes sent to both of you!
@MeaningfulSilence
Thank you very much. I am hoping she can see it before it’s too late and she gets hurt. I am so worried and it’s taking a toll on me.
@ConcernedWife2017
Yes I understand your concern 💙