Being everyone's 2nd option
Hello all.
I was just thinking about how lonely I feel. I mean, I do have friends, and I'm not sure if I have the right to be sad about being lonely, but I realized how much of an accessory I am to all of them. I mean they say they enjoy my company, but don't really seek it. You know how everyone has that friend that's in the background, someone that's nice but not really THERE. Yeah... I remember seeing someone say, "I'm like icing topped on an already perfect cake." That's how I feel like, and for some reason it bothers me so much that one time my heart literally ached for months straight just from pure sadness.
Like, no one calls me, or texts me, much less ask to hang out. When I do, they ask if anyone else is coming along because they would feel weird if it was just me I guess, and whenever there's three of us I always end up as the third wheel. For example two of my friends visited for my birthday, and I was really happy until they brought me to a park and talked to each other whilst basically ignoring me, despite me trying my best to talk to them.
One time we were walking back and I tripped and they were racing each other and none of them helped. When I asked one didn't notice while the other said she did but decided to just leave me there (she said it in a jokingly way but it sounded harsh).
They don't ask me out, I see them together a lot. I even have a friend who complains on how much if a "loner" she is when really she has someone say hi to her everywhere we go, and has people to have fun with on a weekly basis and it's just irritating. She doesn't even initiate anything but she always gets invited everywhere, but then she's always on her phone and people just talk to her and I don't understand... I feel like there's something wrong with me when people I know are closer to others, but then are not as close to me despite knowing us for an equal amount of time. I feel like such a bother when I do try to talk to people...
I asked my doctor about this and she and her assistants didn't take me seriously; one of them even snorted and looked at me as if I were a five year old (I'm 16). I think my doctor thinks it's a phase and that I can live with it, when it's been plaguing me for years that I don't have someone who will treat me like an actual friend...
Sorry it's so long and I don't know what to expect
i know how it feels to be that one person that when there is all seats are taken you sit apart and alone. i am here if you want a friend ♡
Ugh. I wish you had a more supportive doctor.
This was basically me for a lot of my school years, so I understand what it does to you. I mean, how is it not messed up that people are your friend one day, and then the next day you're the backup option that they don't need anymore? And if they all treat you like an accessory and not a fully functioning human friend, how is that not supposed to affect the way you think about yourself?
I hope things get better for you, but in the meantime, just know that you're not alone in this.
Thank you for your kind words. And yeah, it's sad how people treat others like that; I guess having friends and support most of your life makes you take it for granted, or makes you don't appreciate everyone close to you •~• it's been years and only one person made me feel so special but she moved and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I knew her for only 4 months or so when I was 9 but she was amazing, and now I just want to feel like that again, you know?
I wonder if those people even feel it - the love others give them, but have just become a normal part of life to them since they have so much of it for so long. I'm not sure if I should classify that as tragic.
And yes - my doctor prioritizes physical over mental health by a lot •~•"
It seems like you might just need to seek out more compatible friends, or many just one real compatible friend. Its easy to get caught up in a group of friends who might be nice but not as compatible for you as maybe someone else might be. Maybe keep your heart open for new people to enter into your life and make the approach yourself, if you can, to befriend someone new. It might seem risky but it can change everything for you. There is nothing wrong with you. Maybe you just need some friends you have more in common with? Wishing you the very best and hopeful for you!
Thank you and same for you! ^-^
I've been trying lately (joined band. A buncha nerds there, but they're all already like family so it's difficult). And I do have a one companion that is closer to me than the rest, but I'm not the best to HER. She has so many options that are closer to her, so I end up feeling pathetic. I am reaching out more, but I'm doing it slowly lol ^-^
@willingOrange1694
Very good! So glad to hear you are making some new effort! Keep trying. Things will get better ;-)
I really know how you are feeling. I remember being a sophomore in high school and getting involved with a group of people who I thought were my friends. They hung around me and talked with me a lot of the times. I would often go over to one friend's house and hang out and she seemed fine with me. But then I later realized that she more than likely just tolerated my presence because some of her other friends would be rude to me and she did nothing to stop them. I had to learn the hard way that I needed to pick a different group of friends because those were not for me.
Eventually I did though! My junior year I ended up meeting one of my best friends to this day! Then, my senior year I ended up gaining a good group of kind, really awesome people who I had more in common with. So Like the previous commenter said, it does sound like you're in need of some new friends who actually appreciate you. I would have faith! The right people for you will come to you, people who will never make you an option. <3
Im a guy. And i have the same problem. I have insecurities but i try my best to gain confidence or seem confident. No one ever messages me or wants to hang out. I meditate and keep it positive with everyone. But im just a polite guy. Im 19. I suck at relationships. And ive only had one real girlfriend. And that was recently but as soon as we started dating she got bored of me in the first week. Idk why but i try to get with so many girls but they all stop talking to me in a week. Im just lonely as fu ck and i hate it. I really do. I used to talk to girks all the time but i think my game is weak and maybe thats why they get bored of me.
I'm sorry to hear that. And you're not alone, don't worry. I guess the need of wanting someone and constantly seeking it makes us... Present a different version of us, one that displays the side that wants the feeling of being needed, or wanted •~•
Yeah, for me sometimes I try to relax and leave the people I want to talk with alone for a while and take it slow to get to know them to get used to them, so I wouldn't seem nervous or blank-minded when talking to them (which has happened still, unfortunately)