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willingOrange1694
1 2,506 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 29 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceJanuary 29, 2015
Recent forum posts
Friend Makes Me Feel Completely Worthless
Relationship Stress / by willingOrange1694
Last post
 July 28th, 2016
...See more It's been going on for about two years. I've been meaning to tell her about how it's made me develop dangerous/suicidal thoughts, and I've wrote a list to rehearse when I tell her: •I feel like I shouldnt be around you anymore. One because it does make me feel bad, really bad, to the point where it became my main reason for going to therapy in the first place. I know it isnt completely your fault again, but when you and the other person completely ignore me, making me feel like some invisible third wheel, it really hurts. Its bad for me and while I really do try to befriend them as well, they are not interested most of the time, and it makes me feel worse, like I was something that shouldnt be there. •I feel like I drag you down a lot. I feel like I waste your energy, and keep you from fully enjoying another persons company. I dont want to be like that. •When it came to any task, people always go to you. It may be because of your popularity for being a potential co-valedictorian, but when people usually go leave it [her] I cant help but feel guilty for giving you a lot of work, but also angry because I cant help but feel like it implies that they view me and other people as incapable of producing good work. I feel stupid around you? Or like Im not worth anything.
Being everyone's 2nd option
Depression Support / by willingOrange1694
Last post
 October 15th, 2015
...See more Hello all. I was just thinking about how lonely I feel. I mean, I do have friends, and I'm not sure if I have the right to be sad about being lonely, but I realized how much of an accessory I am to all of them. I mean they say they enjoy my company, but don't really seek it. You know how everyone has that friend that's in the background, someone that's nice but not really THERE. Yeah... I remember seeing someone say, "I'm like icing topped on an already perfect cake." That's how I feel like, and for some reason it bothers me so much that one time my heart literally ached for months straight just from pure sadness. Like, no one calls me, or texts me, much less ask to hang out. When I do, they ask if anyone else is coming along because they would feel weird if it was just me I guess, and whenever there's three of us I always end up as the third wheel. For example two of my friends visited for my birthday, and I was really happy until they brought me to a park and talked to each other whilst basically ignoring me, despite me trying my best to talk to them. One time we were walking back and I tripped and they were racing each other and none of them helped. When I asked one didn't notice while the other said she did but decided to just leave me there (she said it in a jokingly way but it sounded harsh). They don't ask me out, I see them together a lot. I even have a friend who complains on how much if a "loner" she is when really she has someone say hi to her everywhere we go, and has people to have fun with on a weekly basis and it's just irritating. She doesn't even initiate anything but she always gets invited everywhere, but then she's always on her phone and people just talk to her and I don't understand... I feel like there's something wrong with me when people I know are closer to others, but then are not as close to me despite knowing us for an equal amount of time. I feel like such a bother when I do try to talk to people... I asked my doctor about this and she and her assistants didn't take me seriously; one of them even snorted and looked at me as if I were a five year old (I'm 16). I think my doctor thinks it's a phase and that I can live with it, when it's been plaguing me for years that I don't have someone who will treat me like an actual friend... Sorry it's so long and I don't know what to expect
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