Being everyone's 2nd option
Hello all.
I was just thinking about how lonely I feel. I mean, I do have friends, and I'm not sure if I have the right to be sad about being lonely, but I realized how much of an accessory I am to all of them. I mean they say they enjoy my company, but don't really seek it. You know how everyone has that friend that's in the background, someone that's nice but not really THERE. Yeah... I remember seeing someone say, "I'm like icing topped on an already perfect cake." That's how I feel like, and for some reason it bothers me so much that one time my heart literally ached for months straight just from pure sadness.
Like, no one calls me, or texts me, much less ask to hang out. When I do, they ask if anyone else is coming along because they would feel weird if it was just me I guess, and whenever there's three of us I always end up as the third wheel. For example two of my friends visited for my birthday, and I was really happy until they brought me to a park and talked to each other whilst basically ignoring me, despite me trying my best to talk to them.
One time we were walking back and I tripped and they were racing each other and none of them helped. When I asked one didn't notice while the other said she did but decided to just leave me there (she said it in a jokingly way but it sounded harsh).
They don't ask me out, I see them together a lot. I even have a friend who complains on how much if a "loner" she is when really she has someone say hi to her everywhere we go, and has people to have fun with on a weekly basis and it's just irritating. She doesn't even initiate anything but she always gets invited everywhere, but then she's always on her phone and people just talk to her and I don't understand... I feel like there's something wrong with me when people I know are closer to others, but then are not as close to me despite knowing us for an equal amount of time. I feel like such a bother when I do try to talk to people...
I asked my doctor about this and she and her assistants didn't take me seriously; one of them even snorted and looked at me as if I were a five year old (I'm 16). I think my doctor thinks it's a phase and that I can live with it, when it's been plaguing me for years that I don't have someone who will treat me like an actual friend...
Sorry it's so long and I don't know what to expect