just a burden

@WittyCar0607

If you must know:

(I feel it is helpful for we all were once in darkness and/or sin, he came for sinners. He delights in salvation; not the death of sinners.)

My great sins are: I fornicated/masturbated, done many heineous sexually immoral acts, got pregnant, aborted, have been very spoiled, Ahab, bitter, angry, have had no life, projected all my faults to others, was not diligent with my studies most of my life, watched a lot of Heavenly Father forsaken television and listened to a lot of heathen secular Heavenly Father forsaken music, dressed in Heavenly Father forsaken sexually immoral clothes that lead others astray and draw only sexually immoral others, have been very judgmental, demented, ignorant, selfish, foolish, irresponsible, spiteful, easily provoked, insecure, vain, dishonest, caught in my slyness, deceived only myself, lead others on, toyed with others' feelings, embarrassed about reality and how my evil only made a fool of me, made a fool, inadvertantly made others fools, did not acknowledge my sins, feared more the abuse, mocking, being made a laughingstock of the fool others made me, did not acknowledge reality: have been talking to strangers, wanted things both ways, vain:did not want to wear glasses when young, had no life, was not honest at all with others, wanted things both ways and was not honest and real, did not keep away from where I was very much so hated, not wanted, a very huge cruelty to the persons stalking for only my aims/using of passing class, taking notes, doing well in my studies, answers, others helping me with my work, etc., cut my nose despite my face, was very demented not to understand hurt which lead to others moving on, reality in Christ: all are alive. Human beings are alive sentient, feel, etc. despite their great insentience for simply not being good fits, a person thinking I was after him when I was just after the group of humans had been hanging around, which afterwards did not want me around over the conflict with a male person and one of the persons I had been hanging around, and I did not know any better. I thought since the person who the conflict began with ended up dating the person and I really did not care for that but other things that they would just rejoice and I could continue hanging around not the male person but the rest of the persons. I really did not know any better, being demented by entertaining not right thoughts about the person for idle mind,hands is the devil's playground/having no life, not being aware of others hurt as well/reality in Christ/toying with others' feelings inadevertantly, myself making snide remarks at times for they keep visiting me, being demented and derranged, dishonest, feared humans knowing how ignorant I was, how I did not know much and abusing of me, mocking me, making a laughing stock of me, ridiculing me, harassing me, greatly feared others knowing I masturbated: fornicated/masturbated, greatly fear others harassing me, and greatly fear sexual harrassment and harrassment always encountered with family and others.

@WittyCar0607

We all sin. My not admitting sin readily and honestly for many years/a number of decades has lead to a lot of disease. My also being ignorant, not knowing better has also lead to sin, which always leads to disease. Disease comes from sin. Sin is lawlessness. Salvation is lawfulness. Obedience to the Law of the Spirit of Life above all authority and rule is salvation, peace, etc.

@WittyCar0607

Isaiah 28:16-29

New International Version

16 So this is what the Sovereign Lord says:

“See, I lay a stone in Zion,(A) a tested stone,(B)

a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;(C)

the one who relies on it

will never be stricken with panic.(D)

17 I will make justice(E) the measuring line

and righteousness the plumb line;(F)

hail(G) will sweep away your refuge, the lie,

and water will overflow(H) your hiding place.

18 Your covenant with death will be annulled;

your agreement with the realm of the dead will not stand.(I)

When the overwhelming scourge sweeps by,(J)

you will be beaten down(K) by it.

19 As often as it comes it will carry you away;(L)

morning after morning,(M) by day and by night,

it will sweep through.”

The understanding of this message

will bring sheer terror.(N)

20 The bed is too short to stretch out on,

the blanket too narrow to wrap around you.(O)

21 The Lord will rise up as he did at Mount Perazim,(P)

he will rouse himself as in the Valley of Gibeon(Q)—

to do his work,(R) his strange work,

and perform his task, his alien task.

22 Now stop your mocking,(S)

or your chains will become heavier;

the Lord, the Lord Almighty, has told me

of the destruction decreed(T) against the whole land.(U)

23 Listen(V) and hear my voice;

pay attention and hear what I say.

24 When a farmer plows for planting,(W) does he plow continually?

Does he keep on breaking up and working the soil?

25 When he has leveled the surface,

does he not sow caraway and scatter cumin?(X)

Does he not plant wheat in its place,[a]

barley(Y) in its plot,[b]

and spelt(Z) in its field?

26 His God instructs him

and teaches(AA) him the right way.

27 Caraway is not threshed(AB) with a sledge,(AC)

nor is the wheel of a cart rolled over cumin;

caraway is beaten out with a rod,(AD)

and cumin with a stick.

28 Grain must be ground to make bread;

so one does not go on threshing it forever.

The wheels of a threshing cart(AE) may be rolled over it,

but one does not use horses to grind grain.

29 All this also comes from the Lord Almighty,

whose plan is wonderful,(AF)

whose wisdom is magnificent.(AG)

Footnotes

[a] Isaiah 28:25 The meaning of the Hebrew for this word is uncertain.

[b] Isaiah 28:25 The meaning of the Hebrew for this word is uncertain

@WittyCar0607

I am so sorry about what you are going through. It must hurt a lot to hear such things from your mother, and I can relate to it that you are feeling more scared that you are being a burden. But I don't think she is right because depression and anxiety are the times when you really need help and support. But it's not like you are draining your partners because you are bad or you like it, as she says. You really want to make a change, but you are scared, and it's normal to feel what you are feeling. Do remember You are not a burden, you deserve to love be loved too; everyone does no matter what situation they are in. You did nothing wrong.