@John04
Hi John. I'm sorry you have to go through such a hard time and glad that you came to us. Just remember that we're here for you. You're an amazing person, coping with all these pain, and you deserve our support and a lot more.
Have you already tried self help guides on this website? There are many materials that could give you directions in your struggle.
I would also suggest starting mindulfness if you haven't done it yet. Some short meditation techniques could calm you a bit. You can find many here in the path section. Website calm.com and youtube are fine too.
Talk with our listeners, okay? Just don't get discouraged. Finding the compatible one can take some time. I would suggest browsing them rather than just connecting with a random ones, though I have found my current listener just by a stroke of luck. You can also take part in Depression and Anxiety Support Sessions and many more where you can find understanding and pointers, or just talk in group support chats.
Also please, don't forget about self care. I know now it sounds like a nonsense and that whatever I say it will not change, but you do deserve happiness and care. So take a short walk every day, brush your teeth, drink enough water and eat at least a meal or two a day, okay?
Small steps. Don't be impatient. It will get better, just go on. We're here to catch you when you fall, so just do your best. You're already here and I know you'll be fine in the end.
Stay safe.