Suicide
Hi everyone. These last days I've been feeling specially depressed and I've been thinking about killing myself very seriously. I have not enough support since the friends I have can't understand what I go through and some just don't care. And the worst is that some of them have been making me feel like shit because they suck as friends, making me feel even more lonely.
I've been having troubles with my money too and at my job that aren't related to my depression but that also made me feel bad.
I'm struggling with an eating disorder and even though I'm doing waaay better, I don't want to go back to it because I feel sad.
And many more things. I feel extremely lonely, I crave someone to talk to and a hug. There's somebody that I love with all my guts who's gone and I don't know if I'll ever see him again. I think that started it all.
My antidepressants are done and my psychologist disappointed me really bad me.
I know this post kind of random and chaotic but things are going so badly (I've been crying at work, car, home, etc (most of the day) for the last 5 days) but I feel totally alone and I've been thinking about suicide so seriously I'm afraid I will do it this weekend.
Yesterday I was sure I would do it and there's always a moment everyday when I feel completely sure.
I'm just writing here as a desperate need of help. I never had people really loving me in my life and I've been treated really badly (family, psychopath exboyfriend, rape) it's like I can't still find people who will treat me right or love me for who I am and I fear I will never be able to let people love me either. I think I'm a nice girl and I'm trying hard to live my life well (away from drugs, toxic people, being healthy) but I'm like always dragged to the bottom.
I'm a mess. I just need some help. I will appreciate with all my heart any word to help me when I feel worst and I'm about to give it all up.
Thank you *tight hug*