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girl3132
3,639 M Seeking Light 2
PathStep 172 Compassion hearts237 Forum posts71 Forum upvotes145 Current upvotes145 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 6, 2015
Recent forum posts
Fear Foods
Eating Disorder Support / by girl3132
Last post
 January 30th, 2016
...See more How to win the battle to the food we fear to eat and make us feel crazy? Any ideas or experiences you want to share? Thank you
Seattle, WA
Around the World / by girl3132
Last post
 September 11th, 2020
...See more Or anyone in the emerald state say hi!
Suicide
Depression Support / by girl3132
Last post
 October 2nd
...See more Hi everyone. These last days I've been feeling specially depressed and I've been thinking about killing myself very seriously. I have not enough support since the friends I have can't understand what I go through and some just don't care. And the worst is that some of them have been making me feel like shit because they suck as friends, making me feel even more lonely. I've been having troubles with my money too and at my job that aren't related to my depression but that also made me feel bad. I'm struggling with an eating disorder and even though I'm doing waaay better, I don't want to go back to it because I feel sad. And many more things. I feel extremely lonely, I crave someone to talk to and a hug. There's somebody that I love with all my guts who's gone and I don't know if I'll ever see him again. I think that started it all. My antidepressants are done and my psychologist disappointed me really bad me. I know this post kind of random and chaotic but things are going so badly (I've been crying at work, car, home, etc (most of the day) for the last 5 days) but I feel totally alone and I've been thinking about suicide so seriously I'm afraid I will do it this weekend. Yesterday I was sure I would do it and there's always a moment everyday when I feel completely sure. I'm just writing here as a desperate need of help. I never had people really loving me in my life and I've been treated really badly (family, psychopath exboyfriend, rape) it's like I can't still find people who will treat me right or love me for who I am and I fear I will never be able to let people love me either. I think I'm a nice girl and I'm trying hard to live my life well (away from drugs, toxic people, being healthy) but I'm like always dragged to the bottom. I'm a mess. I just need some help. I will appreciate with all my heart any word to help me when I feel worst and I'm about to give it all up. Thank you *tight hug*
Family rejection + subsequent issues. Losing my strength very badly now.
Depression Support / by girl3132
Last post
 February 7th, 2015
...See more How do/did you deal with family rejection?  I use to despair and get suicidal thoughts because the love I deserve as daughter and sister has always been denied to me and I feel like I can't keep living because I need them and getting their love isn't gonna happen. I feel absolutely alone as I have no friends because all of them end up leaving me at some point. I had a boyfriend who was a psychopath and hurt me so badly that I might have PTSD and now I'm afraid of opening myself to other people, specially men, and I have trust issues, which makes socializing way more difficult. I also have social anxiety. I was bullyied at school and in my neighborhood when I was 14 by people older than that ended up calling me on the phone at night telling me they would kill me. My parents just said "what do you want us to do?" and brother (4 years older than me) laughed in my face and blamed me for their abuse. I tend get memories and dream of my family members treating me bad, humilliating me or telling me really bad things. I don't really have good memories of anything I lived with any of my family members. I still live with my mum because I can't be independent (crisis, no job). I've tried to talk about these problems and about how I feel with my friends but it's very difficult because most of them made me feel like I'm a weak person and I regret then that I tried to ask for help. Others just don't understand or don't know what to say, which I understand. The story of my exboyfriend is very traumatic. It includes rape. Whenever I tried talking about it, I've been blamed and called weak and I didn't get to talk about the real bad things he did. I also have an eating disorder. I'm an emotional eater + binge eater and I'm fighting everyday to not eat as a way to manage my feelings and lose some weight. I've been mistreated by those supposed to love me and I feel so lonely I can't bear it. This week I had 3 moments of crisis with suicidal thoughts and I kinda had to stop myself from trying it. I've never felt this bad. I can't afford help from who was my psychologist (I've been trying to fight this all for years) because I barely have enough money to eat. Whatever you can tell me, advice me, etc will be helpful. If any of you would like to talk to me, please tell me. 
Social anxiety and driving
Anxiety Support / by girl3132
Last post
 April 17th, 2017
...See more Hi everybody. I suffer from social anxiety and even though it was very difficult for me, I went through the process of getting my driving license recently. Driving in the presence of other people triggers my anxiety (and the road is full of people driving other cars) and I can't seem to get rid of that nervousness before I take the car. As soon as I know I have to drive, I get the feeling that I'm not good enough at driving and I'm afraid of making mistakes (being judged, I guess) and hurting myself or other people by not driving properly. Also, because I know I feel insecure before driving, I get to think that driving isn't a good idea because it's not safe to drive insecure (I feel bad for feeling bad?). But, at the same time, when I drive, after driving for a while, the feelings disappear, I  don't think I'm a bad driver anymore and I actually have fun. Then it all starts again the next time I need to take the car.  Learning to drive was a hell because of my anxiety. The thought that it would get better and I would end up knowing how to drive by practicing and confronting that situation kept me from quitting. And I thought that all of the anxiety would be completely gone after getting my license but, even though it is not as bad as it was when I was learning, I still get anxious Does it happen to any of you? Do you have any ideas of how to overcome this? 
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