My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
I dreamt that I’d been having the holidays with family and that I’d gotten someone a new cat, but it arrived in a package that I’d lost after it came in the house and I was freaking out because I couldn’t find the box. I’d found that my mom destroyed the box and the cat was most likely dead from no food or water too.
Then I checked my mailbox and found two kittens sleeping inside it! I’d picked them up and held them, then showed them to my neighbor. I didn’t know how two got in there so I was thinking of offering one of them to him but I woke up.
I made that steak last night. It was a boneless short rib, and it came out a little rarer than I liked. I’d turned away from the pan for a second and smelled smoke. The little pan holder that I slip on to move the pan had caught fire because of the heat. I’d slipped it off and doused it with water.
I put away the two other pieces of short rib in the Tupperware I washed, soaked the pan holder again, and before bed I’d had to check multiple times that the stove was off, the windows closed, and the pan holder was still soaked and couldn’t suddenly catch fire while I was sleeping.
Im so tired that I’m just going to refill my water and lay back down with the heat on, but first I have to brush my teeth.
Well I guess now you have more of a reason to eat clean until the end of the month to prevent the heart burn. That will help it become more of a pattern.
Glad to see that you weren't dealing with any fire damage or fire prep today.
When my kids were little, I didn't have ice packs when they fell and hurt themselves but I usually had frozen peas. I would give them a few to eat and then use the bag as an ice pack for a minute or two. It worked like a charm. The frozen cauliflower sounds great. It is amazing all of the things they can do with cauliflower now. There are even pizzas that have cauliflower as the crust. They aren't too bad. I had some pea soup for dinner.
The worst I’ve dealt with in regards to the fires is the air quality and some dust or grit that started appearing outside when the fires first started. The fires haven’t reached my city, and the fire closest to my mom is veering east for now. The winds aren’t good.
You’re right about the clean eating. I’ve got plenty of frozen meat and frozen vegetables, have some soup left over from my wisdom teeth shopping trip and plenty of sugar free jello and pudding. I got some frozen sliced bell peppers to add to some omelettes this week too.
I need to wash at least my bedding and an outfit for gaming group on Thursday. I’ve been having such a hard time that I’ve kept pushing it off.
My dumb period started with a vengeance this morning so I’ve been mostly laid up with a heating pad.
Well that is a nice straightforward goal - getting some wash done. You can handle that.
I am impressed that even though you are having a hard time that you are still working on the eating healthy. Keep that up. I had some of the cooked purple cabbage with apples that I made last week for dinner tonight. Lots of leftovers to work through.
I am glad to hear that the fires continue to not be too close. I know how bad they are.
I am afraid that I am going to have to miss being on 7 Cups for the next two nights (16th and 17th). I am going to my first hockey match (I hate crowds and noise so we will see how it goes) tomorrow and then a concert the night after that. I am not big into so many events together, but we will make it work. @integrityblues
I’ll admit that my eating isn’t great all the time, but I’m working harder to control portions and set goals to eat more vegetables and protein, drink more water, and get 30 mins of exercise a day.
It’s okay, just try to have fun watching hockey and going to a concert. I don’t really like crowds either, so I understand.
I’m hoping that tomorrow’s gamer group isn’t going to be so bad.
I visited my mom earlier and just got home.
My younger sister was arrested a couple days ago for throwing pieces of a broken plate (one of our mom’s) at passing cars while yelling.
My mom’s phone has been broken and she’s glad it’s broken because she believes that the card her SSDI benefits are deposited to was hacked through that phone and made it so she lost $300 dollars. She’s been without cigarettes for a bit and she can’t do her laundry either. Before getting taken away that day my sister had taken one of the new blankets my aunt had given them and submerged it in a bucket of water, brought it back in the house, and then got water everywhere that my mom couldn’t clean up completely. While I was there I mopped up the spills I could see, but she didn’t want my help to get her food or to call her customer service for her card to see what the charge was, or to reach the phone company for her old phone and see if we could cancel the account to stop further payments being taken for the phone.
She’s set to just accept all of these bad things without trying to make anything better. She’s probably going to let my sister come back if she’s released from jail.
I am so sorry for the chaos. I thought that you weren't going to be back in touch with your mom until February 1. It takes you a while to recover each time that you are there or even talk to her on the phone. At least your mom gets a few days of peace. Maybe she will start thinking a bit more clearly with your sister gone for a bit. You can only do what your mom lets you do. It isn't everything, but it is something.
Have you ever considered requesting that someone from elderly abuse services visit with your mom? She might be able to get some protection (for the financial stuff and your sister) so that she doesn't deal with so much stress. I know that this is probably a long shot, but such services exist. Your mom might agree to let them come in the door to talk at least if she didn't know that they were coming. You also might be able to explain to them what is happening and get their advice on how to protect your mom. @integrityblues
I know I said I wasn’t going there but I’ve been so worried about the fires. So I went there too late in the day yesterday to do anything to help her.
I went again today because she’s got my sister’s dog but has no leash. I took her my only long extension cord, clipped off the plug and when I surprised her around 9:50 a.m. I showed her how to pull the cord between the two links on the back of his harness where a normal leash would be clipped, and how to hold the end and wrap it around her fist so her hold is good. It’s temporary and the best I can offer considering I kept myself up last night worrying over the dog running into traffic and forced myself out of bed to prepare to leave.
I was so mad yesterday because she’s just going to let everything happen. I had to at least figure out why she’d lost 300 bucks, that could have helped her a lot these last two weeks with food and laundry.
I did some snooping through her card’s purchases and discussed each purchase for this month until we reached the 300 dollar one and another for 140-160. Each were done at an ATM and my mom doesn’t recognize either of them…my younger sister got her to change the pin again to something “easier to remember” and I think she stole from her.
If it isn’t that, then my mom who is getting more and more confused and forgetful, doesn’t remember a bill she payed with cash. I only thought of that on the bus ride home and it’s not like I can call her and ask if either of those could have been related to my sister’s ex-boyfriend and the bail she’s on the hook for! I’m not going back, I’ve done all I can and I’m just so tired bestVase.
So I also changed my mom’s PIN number too in case my mom lets my sister back in and she swipes it. I told her to hide it somewhere my sister won’t find it.
My mom’s new phone is shattered and useless. Her other one is in the trash, so once I learned that the money taken from her account wasn’t from the phone company I called them up on speaker phone to discuss what we could do about the bill since she’s broke and the phone is broken. Sadly the only thing that could be done was to temporarily cancel the service on the phone. She still has to pay off the phone since she’s got 19 payments of 5.50-5.56 a month. I switched the email attached to the account because my mom no longer remembers her own email password and it’s not written anywhere- I switched it to mine so I could keep up with the notifications. When it gets to the end of the the three months my mom will have the option to temporarily cancel the service again, but I’m hoping that she can finish paying off the phone then cancel the mobile service. She’s probably going to lose the WiFi since she has nothing to pay for it, so I warned her that she might not be able to do the streaming tv, and while that sucks a lot she could occupy herself and the dog until she could pay the bills again when her SSDI hits at the beginning of February.
I’m going to have to call the number my therapist gave me. I’ve done all I can, and running to her side isn’t very good. I only did what I did today because I was getting scared over the dog and my mom.
Tomorrow I’m staying in bed a bit longer then I’ll get up to begin getting my house in order and start job searching.
Sending lots of hugs. You really are do wonderful things for your mom. You have done the best that you can. Do call to get that outside support. The fires may have had a good side effect in that in had you go see your mom early. It was massively stressful for you, but you may have just saved her in some way.
My guess is that it is more the stress of your sister causing your mom to become very forgetful rather than her necessarily becoming permanently that way. My mother goes through moments like this too when stress becomes overwhelming.
Now take some time for you. You deserve a day or so to get yourself back together. @integrityblues
I spoke with my best friend today and as I was going over my feelings about everything happening we discussed the Serenity Prayer from AA- neither of us are alcoholics or especially religious but she described how the prayer had a lot of good advice for this type of situation: to have the serenity to accept what you can’t change, the courage to change the things that you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I have a huge problem just allowing bad things to happen to my mom. I swoop in and take responsibilities that aren’t mine, take on problems that my mom doesn’t really want help fixing so she can wallow in what she feels she deserves, and then I look around at my aunts or older sister and expect them to give me a hand or care as much as I do when they’ve made it clear that while they’re sympathetic it’s still something they’re not interested in taking on because of their own responsibilities and lives.
I want to give my mom the care I should have gotten from her when I was a kid, but not in a vindictive way as if I’m rubbing her face in it. I want her to be safe and warm, and well fed and protected as she’s getting older but I think the only way I can try to do that now is to step back and call the number I was given by my therapist.
I rested for most of the day, made tuna sandwiches for lunch, and read until the mail carrier came by and I received my travel funds check. I deposited it and went to my pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions I’ve been holding off getting because I didn’t have $3.20 for the copay. I also got Taco Bell for dinner.
With what’s left I’ll get the new extension cord, leave enough money for February’s Netflix payment, and put enough money on my Starbucks card to get one fancy drink for tomorrow’s job development meeting. I’ll have maybe $15 bucks left that I can save for laundry.
All of this message shows how far you have come! Go you! I totally get your desire to treat your mom better than you were treated and to try to help. That is how I would react too. But that AA serenity prayer can be really helpful. There are lots of good support groups (non religious ones) for those who have relatives facing addictions and the trauma it causes in families. Maybe if the games group ends up not being your thing or you want to add in something else, searching out one of those kinds of groups might be helpful as well. (I have also always thought a library reading group would be something you would enjoy - just talking over a book with less people's hands on game pieces).
You did a good job with the food and with planning out your funding for the next few weeks. Good luck with the job meeting. You are moving forward step by step.
I think that I mentioned this, but my son who is living with us until May decided at the beginning of the year that we were going to try to eat "around the world" by eating from as many different countries as we could. It has been a little bizarre but good overall especially since he is vegetarian. Tonight we ate from Sweden with some vegetarian meatballs and potato/broccoli patties from IKEA. They were tasty. @integrityblues
Eating around the world is a great way to explore culture and try new things.
My budgeting backfired as everything exploded today. I ended up eating most of my feelings after that Zoom meeting, then couldn’t get out of at least trying to get the stuff needed for my clothes vouchers.
A library reading group wouldn’t be so bad, I think. I just have to see if one is being held at my local library.
I don’t feel great, but tomorrow morning I’ll haul the trash cans, take a hot shower, then eventually leave for gamer’s group.
It is okay. We all have days where we get off track. We just get back up and try again. It sounds like you are going to do that.
I am sorry that your meeting went poorly. It isn't surprising because you had an emotional week otherwise and sometimes those moments just cascade and you need to treat yourself. No need for guilt there.
I am glad you are doing the gaming group tonight. I hope that goes better for you. @integrityblues
I got a message on Indeed last night from a recruiter about a job I applied for in November. They wanted to know if I could interview on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. I slept on it and had a dream about preparing for that job interview, so when I woke up this morning I forgot that I’d had the offer for real and only realized when I checked my email again. So as I was preparing for my Zoom I tried on my old dress pants that still don’t fit and looked at the collared shirts that haven’t fit in years, then looked online to see if I could at least afford a new shirt. I couldn’t and then looked at Goodwill stores online until I had to go fetch my coffee.
I got a tall Pistachio Coffee Frappuccino.
My Zoom was extremely stressful. She hadn’t sent me the leads we briefly discussed on Friday and when I told her that I’d gotten the offer for an interview but still hadn’t heard back about the interview clothes I’ve requested several times I sort of snapped at her. I asked her what I should do since I haven’t replied yet and didn’t want to go to another appointment wearing my casual street clothes, and she said she never knew that I went in street clothes and I told her yeah, I did! She began explaining that I shouldn’t even be applying for work if I don’t have interview clothes and I broke a bit and groaned that a year ago when we started I could still sort of fit in my old outfit but that I wasn’t able to last time and couldn’t now that I’m just too fat, and yeah I’ve been asking for the clothes!
I was so mad that I teared up and had to hold myself as my developer finally called my counselor when she couldn’t find any evidence that she sent the emails to the counselor, saying I should have just emailed her too but I couldn’t even tell her that I was holding onto the fact that she’d said she’d do it, so why would I have had to second guess her? Obviously I’ll have to take this as a bitter lesson that if I want something done I’ll have to do it myself even if someone promises they’ll get it done.
I waited all afternoon for the voucher my counselor said could arrive today or tomorrow. It was sent today via email, I printed it out, and it’s for my nearby Ross. I panicked to myself afterwards because I wanted to take measurements to get a better idea of what sizes to buy, and briefly chatted with my friend over the stress of it all and how awful the Zoom was. The silver lining is supposed to be the clothing voucher that will let me get 2 dress shirts, one pair of dress pants, a blazer, and a pair of dress shoes.
Then I left to slowly walk to Ross since I was already exhausted. I was disappointed to see that the selection wasn’t great at the end of the day; most of the women’s shoes had heels too high for me to safely wear or were sneakers or sandals so I looked at men’s shoes instead, I saw no blazers, finally found dress shirts that might work, and what I could pass as dress pants if no one looks too closely.
After walking around there and carefully reviewing my options I didn’t get anything yet. My legs were so very sore and when I checked my step counter I’d made it past 10,000 steps. I’d also tweaked my neck and hurt my lower back.
I’m going to go back to Ross tomorrow after gamer’s group. Maybe I’ll even leave earlier so I can get a better look at my options.
Oops. Sorry that I didn't see this until after I had answered the other one. Yes, that does sound stressful, but you are going to be able to pull together an outfit slowly but surely. I know that you need it sooner, but miscommunication happens.
Take a deep breath and just try again. And good job getting so many steps. You are going to find something. You are getting closer by actively having some new clothes to work with. @integrityblues
It’s okay. I try to put a new response near the end of the day and sometimes we miss each other. I did it again today!
I’m so tired. My legs are so sore but I managed to haul trash cans, take a shower, and went to gamers group. I left early so I could go home and rest then head out again to pick up my interview clothes.
There weren’t any jackets for an interview, so I just got the shirts, the pants, and the shoes.
If I hear back from my contact I could have an interview tomorrow or maybe will be offered one for another day next week.
I have another Zoom with my job developer tomorrow and trash day. I’m hoping to get to the store and use my last 2 dollars of food stamps to get something reduced for quick sale from the bakery.
You accomplished a lot even though you were tired. Go you!
I am so glad that you found some solid interview clothes. Jackets definitely aren't required. You do need to have shoes on your feet and pants and a top of some kind are good so you aren't naked, but everyone actually dresses pretty differently for interviews now. I bet you chose some good stuff.
I hope that you get some news on the interview/job development front soon.
How is the eating plan going? Still trying to chose some healthy options? I did the leftover bean and ham soup again tonight. We do have lots of leftovers I guess. The soup was nice with a few crackers. @integrityblues
Thanks. The clothes and shoes are okay, I had the option to get a jacket listed on my voucher, and I was told that I if I found a jacket online I could show my counselor and they might get it for me and have it shipped.
I sent another message to my contact asking about the interview and if she could tell me when the next date and time would be since we’d have to reschedule. Heard nothing yet.
I had my Zoom call and it was very short. My job developer will be going to a job fair so there’s a chance she’s going to get more leads.
The eating plan is okay. I had some tuna and crackers for dinner.
I bet that the shoes and clothes are more than okay. Part of depression is not trusting that you can look good. You can and will continue to do so.
Great job contacting the interested job person again in a follow up. It sounds like you had what you needed in doing a short job meeting rather than a longer one.
Tuna and crackers are good. I definitely didn't do all that well with my diet today when I had a biscuit, potato pancake, bacon and egg combo at a restaurant for lunch with my mom. But I really only had water for dinner so that makes up for it a bit I think. The biscuit was just excellent. Sometimes those things are worth it as long as they aren't too often. I walked today too. How have you been doing on the exercise front?@integrityblues
the shoes are a little too big (I had to get men’s dress shoes because all the women’s dress shoes had spangles or flowers on them) so when I have to wear them for an interview I’ll stuff some fabric in the toes to make them fit a little better. I showed my friend pictures of what I bought and she really like the navy blue dress shirt I chose for something more interesting than the simple white one.
I didn’t do much today since I haven’t been feeling great emotionally or physically, so when I did eat it was mostly tuna and crackers or peanut butter and crackers. For dinner I had a small can of pork and beans, apple sauce, and sugar free pudding.
Your lunch sounds like it was good. Potato pancakes are delicious.
The navy blue dress shirt does sound nice. It is better than white. You basically just want to look neat and presentable. But it is hard because we don't trust ourselves with such things. Just tonight my youngest son was asking if he could wear a calmer Hawaiian shirt to an interview if he had a solid blue jacket and tie. It was a difficult question. He can be a little too bold sometimes.
Remember that you can always do little amounts of exercise in the apartment if you can't get out walking. Every little bit you do helps. Sometimes the physical pain (and most definitely the emotional pain) lessens with a little exercise.
It sounds like your eating wasn't too bad. I can tell that you are trying with your selections. Tonight I made food from Senegal. We had a form of rice with tomatoes, red pepper and spices and a salad made from mango, avocado and citrus juices. They were both pretty good and cheap but I undercooked the rice. @integrityblues
Hmm, yeah the Hawaiian shirt would be a bit bold. It’s usually better to choose neutral or conservative colors.
I’ve been trying to get little bits of exercise in. Light walking or pedaling on my little pedaler in general but my knees and shoulders have been hurting a little too much.
Your meal from Senegal sounds pretty good, and I understand about the rice. It’s hit and miss with me if I cook it all the way.
I’m going to my primary doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon. I’m hoping to get more pills for my acid reflux.
The light walking and pedaling is awesome! Keep it up. Every little bit helps.
Hopefully the doctor can help with the acid reflux. Healthy eating helps with that too. You are going to get there and find a better speed slowly but surely. What kinds of groceries are you going to aim for this week or next week?
We just did leftovers tonight and will tomorrow night too. Bean soup from dried beans really does last a while and is very cheap. You don't need too much else besides a little celery, onion, and maybe a ham bone. There are lots of different kinds of beans too. It is even better than pork and beans. I am still finishing up the celery from ours by eating it with peanut butter for a snack.@integrityblues
Got back from the dr in the early evening just as the sun was setting here.
The appointment was okay. My blood pressure was elevated but still considered in the normal range, and when I saw the dr I broached the subject of getting the omeprazole and they agreed that if I was still dealing with acid reflux I should also be referred to a gastroenterologist if the next round with more firm dietary changes didn’t make things better. My next appointment is in 3 months over the phone, and I’ve got to give them plenty of blood, and after looking at all of them I think that at least one of them requires fasting. So I’ll take tomorrow to get well hydrated, then get the test done early on Wednesday, and if I have to I’ll politely request my Zoom be moved to later in the day or Friday.
I’m completely tapped for money, so I won’t shop till the beginning of February for foods that shouldn’t trigger the reflux like fatty or spicy stuff. Whole foods are a bit better, but I need to seriously reduce the amount of fast food I eat.
I’ve got plenty of stuff in my freezer like chicken breasts, ground turkey, and veggies. I just have to clean more dishes and cook which is easier said than done sometimes.
I stopped for a brownie from Starbucks and had it after getting home and deciding to have ramen again for dinner. I had two packages but only used one flavor packet.
Your bean soup sounds pretty good. Celery and peanut butter is a very nice snack too.
I’m so tired. I managed to get into my warm pajamas and will rest as much as possible.
You sound much better than me in terms of remembering to hydrate before blood draws. I always forget and they can never get enough. Good luck with that.
You are definitely going to get there with the eating. What might help a little is thinking of food prep and doing the dishes as a form of exercise. Then you might feel more compelled to pull the ground turkey out of the freezer. But I know that it is tough.
Have you ever done ramen on salad? You don't cook it, but break up some of the raw noodles over regular salad greens with some dressing. It is really tasty and adds a nice crunch.
I was pretty sure that February 1 was your next big shopping possibility. I know it is hard managing everything. You do a great job with budgeting. So you can focus now on eating through some of the stuff that you have. @integrityblues
I’m so awful at blood draws. I’m a hard stick and it makes sense to try and make it easier on myself and the phlebotomist by drinking more water.
I’m so tired and don’t really like how early I have to wake up or that I have to take a shot before I go.
You’re right about the food prep and dish washing as exercise.
I’ve never had dry ramen on a salad before. It might be a little too hard on my sensitive teeth, but it sounds interesting.
I went and did my blood draw and the only problem was between prep, travel there, waiting, and heading home I was obviously going to miss my job development Zoom. I emailed her this morning before I left to give her notice and asked if we could reschedule.
When I was finally almost home I got a call from my aunt so I got back inside and had the call. It was about an hour and we just went back and forth over the mom stuff and my younger sister. I asked after my cousin’s baby and how my other cousin’s little daughter is doing.
Now I’m resting. I’ve got some ground turkey defrosting in the fridge.
Sorry I missed last night. Things got a little too chaotic.
You are absolutely right about being able to make it easier for myself if I tried harder to drink water before blood draws. I have been stuck as many as 8 times searching for blood and I always have to ask for them to butterfly me.
Glad that the draw itself wasn't too bad, that you could reschedule the job development thing and you got to talk to your aunt (even if the conversation was about your mom).
For the dry ramen salad thing, I wouldn't use more than half a packet that you break up well with your fingers. Let it rest in the dressing for maybe 15 minutes too. Then I don't think it would be too bad on your teeth. Ground turkey for dinner sounds great. We had some pasta last night with a bunch of leftovers I had (some tomatoes, celery, lemon, onion, yogurt and spices) for dinner. It was okay but I definitely overdid it on the lemon juice.
@integrityblues
That’s okay bestVase.
Hey, sometimes blood draws can be influenced by more than just water intake too. Rolling veins are my least favorite secondary reason to a bad draw.
Yes, the call with my aunt that mostly fixated on my mom wasn’t great. The worst part was that after the call now I’m thinking of when I can next help my mom and planning what to do. There’s nothing I can really do to fix anything, but the least I can do is go and walk her through how she can pay her phone off faster so she can cancel it all together. I’m not excited about running into my younger sister because she’s most likely out and at my mom’s again causing trouble. I’m probably going to go out there when I get paid and have some meds to treat my stomach and make me feel okay I travel. The damned fasting for the blood draws always messes my gut up for a bit afterwards but I think my stress isn’t making anything better.
Those are some good tips for the ramen salad. I’m eager to give it a try once I get my food stamps.
Pasta is always a good choice, and it’s cool that you added in your leftovers too.
I make turkey burgers tonight and they were okay. I could have done a better job seasoning them but a little mustard made it all okay.
I just have to get through my job development appointment tomorrow and trash day, then cross my fingers that I get my SSDI on the second like the site says.
Just because you talk to your aunt about your mom, don't let those calls make you feel guilty. You are doing enough. Your aunt could go herself more often to solve the situation. She is in a much stronger position physically than you are, I think. You aren't going to improve things horribly for your mom and you risk further sliding around yourself. Do take a break until you are physically better.
I can imagine the blood draw fasting making your stomach rougher for a few days. I am hoping that someday they reimagine blood draws without needing to fast.
Turkey burgers are awesome, but can be a little dry sometimes. Your turkey burgers reminded me of a can of leftover cranberry sauce that I need to use up soon. We will do some veggie burgers tomorrow night ourselves. I need to get rid of some older buns.
I hope that your day otherwise went okay. Reading any good books? @integrityblues
I don’t really know what to say about my aunts lack of involvement aside from the fact that they’re busy, have their own grown up kids, and don’t really want to get involved again in what’s up with my younger sister until she agrees to change and go to rehab, and they’re sympathetic to my mom but her choice to keep making her problems greater by letting my younger sister come back makes it harder for them to do anything.
My older sister cares but especially now that my mom has no phones and can’t be reached it’s out of sight out of mind plus her boundaries.
Its really upsetting for me to take these things on by myself but it’s pretty much the only way to get it done at all.
I’m taking a break now and thankfully my stomach is a bit better now. I’d still like to wait till I get an anti diarrheal so it’ll have to be after pay day on the 2nd or 3rd. If it doesn’t come on Sunday I’ll have to do it on Monday or push it till next weekend so I’ll have a better chance to catch her at home.
Veggie burgers sound good. I’m defrosting more ground turkey but I’m thinking of just adding it to some tomato basil pasta sauce to make a more hearty meat sauce, then have it over the next couple days with some whole grain penne.
My day was so exhausting. My job development Zoom was only okay. I had to go to the pharmacy with a dollar’s worth of change and what was left on my card to get my omeprazole since the acid reflux hasn’t been good at all.
I haven’t been reading as much. If I do go see my mom I’ll make sure to have an audio book ready to listen to.
But it's not all on you to do anything. You can tell your aunts that until they go and see your mom that you won't talk about your mom with them. The reason that I am pushing on this a bit is that they are more likely to have success in getting your mom to see her reality than you are. Because you are her child, she can feel like she is older and more experienced and you just don't understand having kids. She can't do that with them. They are more likely to be able to move her forward. The more you spread the burden the better you are going to feel.
I would wait until next weekend for you to go. You need to give your stomach more time to heal and you to feel better. The stronger that you are feeling the better you will be able to help her. Keep reminding yourself of that. Sorry that the job development zoom was exhausting. You are going to get there on that front. It would also be better for you to wait a week on your mom so that you can focus yourself on the job stuff for one more week. But I know it is hard.
The ground turkey with the whole wheat pasta and sauce sound awesome! You are very clearly working at the healthier eating thing. The veggie burgers were fine but had quite a bit of quinoa in them. That meant they were a little more falling apart than a regular burger. But they tasted good and had corn inside. I am doing an El Salvador dish tomorrow night that should be weird. It is kind of like a version of grilled cheese and coleslaw. We will see how it turns out.
I have been reading lots of the same kind of thing lately about how we abuse the environment and our excuses about it. It does get a bit depressing, but I will figure out ways to teach it.
I’d made the choice to go to my mom today because I’d gotten my pay early, so I was sure my mom got hers too. I decided to go because my stomach had been behaving for an entire day and I’d been eating and drinking regularly and focusing on bland foods. I’d bought anti diarrheals just in case so I’d feel comfortable making the trip there and back.
I ran into my mom on the corner near her place and accompanied her to the post office where she was going to get her rent money order before the bail bonds people could take her last 300 dollars again- that’s how she lost the money last month. No idea how she lost the $140 to $160 last month so it’s a mystery or she’s forgotten or it was my younger sister. Who knows?
She couldn’t remember her pin so I helped her change it again and had her write it down. I’ve written it down too! She went to the ATM and took out the money that was left over so she could do her laundry and go shopping. We went back to her home, I shared a sandwich and danish with her that I got from Starbucks that morning, then filled in the transaction register for her and described all the steps.
Then I called my older sister and put her on speaker phone so she could talk with my mom. We were discussing how my younger sister was taken to the valley to stay in a small place with her dog. That it was a city outreach thing to help the homeless or address similar situations. It is possible that this isn’t an actually housing solution like my mom thinks and is really just a means to provide mental health treatment or give her someone to speak with for a little bit so she can be released and hopefully do better. We also discussed my mother’s need of a landline so we can remain in contact with her and not all rely on me to take an over 2 hour trip to swoop in and save the damned day because that’s not what I can do all the time and yes, others are better equipped to handle it but for whatever reason won’t.
My older sister explained to our mom that she’s stayed out of so much of this because she doesn’t want to expose her children to our younger sister and the men she dates. She doesn’t want the drama and the trouble. When she asked if our mom needed anything I quickly said yes for her and got my sister’s help to order groceries, toilet paper, and diapers for our mom then stayed for an hour longer waiting for the delivery and helping my mom look for the Lively device my older sister wanted her to charge and use since it detects falls and can be used to call for help. We didn’t find it but once the groceries came I put them all away. I left after 5 and only made it home after 7 and I’m so very tired. I got something to eat on the walk home, gave my older sister a text to say I’d arrived home safely, texted my aunts plus my friend, and then I ate food and watched Call the Midwife. I’m on the 13th season!
I’m all sore so I’m going to take a nice hot shower, strip the linens off the bed and remake it, and then prepare my laundry for tomorrow or Monday. I’m going to want to lay in bed most of the morning tomorrow.
