My 7 Cups Dream Journal

I dreamt that I was living with my mom in my current apartment that I’d had to vacate. I guess we moved right back in a day or so after being told to leave, and while I was trying to clean stuff my mom got on my back about some sort of record made of music I’d burned from my iTunes to create a CD that somehow was a negative influence on my younger sister?

I spent forever trying to find the song my mom had a problem with but my computer kept crashing when I tried to look it up on YouTube Music or on my iTunes.

For the life of me I’m not sure which song it was, just that I kept mistaking it for a song by AFI when it might have been Cobra Starship, but I’m so sure it wasn’t that either.

It turned out that hat mid-dream my mom needed money so I looked in one of my old desk drawers I hadn’t properly emptied and found an old wallet with $35 dollars in it.

I guess I’ll be listening to music and looking at CD cases to see if I can figure it out today while I do Friday trash day chores!

I dreamt that I was talking to my aunt about not wanting to replace my futon. In real life she’s been trying to get me to accept a mattress and in the dream I was trying to explain how I don’t want more furniture and things, that what I have is more than enough for me to take care of and exist with.

I dreamt that I was living with my family again, but that we were all fighting. My parents fighting each other, my younger sister and I fighting each other, and so on.

At one point I prevented my father from entering the motel room we were all staying in and he broke the door knob to try and get back in while I was shouting to him about how horrible he was.

I got so angry at my sister being a jerk that I asked one of my aunts if I could come over, and I did.

While I was there I took a walk and one of my cousins came with me. On the way we paused to look at what looked like baby squirrels “growing” off a piece of a tree that fell to the ground while she and her mom were doing gardening and watering the plants.

I say growing but really that’s how they were meant to be born and it would just take them time to remove themselves from the branch and I kept warning my cousin that we shouldn’t touch them.

While we were walking I mentioned the idea of me coming to stay with them and she said her mom would probably be okay with it, and then I woke up.

I like both too but the hot tea with honey is great. I hope that your throat is a bit less sore today. 

I dreamt I was eating a huge burrito, and when I say huge I mean that it was as big as my arm.

I overslept and missed my alarm this morning. I had less than fifteen minutes to take all my meds, eat something, then start my Zoom call with my job developer.

I got very excited because during the meeting I got an email about my new laptop being ready to pick up from my nearby DOR office.

I took a shower and once my hair was dry I went to the office. It turned out that I completely forgot that I was also getting a printer too.

All of it came in a huge heavy box that they had to move with a cart and I immediately told them that I had come there on a bus and that I’d not be able to handle such a large package, that I hadn’t been told the dimensions and that I would have loved to be told!

They said I could come back another day to do it but I was struck by how stupid I felt as I was answering questions about did I know anyone who had a car or did I have a car? I told them everyone I knew was busy, but said I’d make some calls and come back.

I left to find the bus stop and was consumed with thoughts of self- harm over what I’d call my personal failure in the moment even if I know logically it’s just an inconvenience or something not going to plan that only highlights how difficult it is for me to get things done without needing help from others. It’s been awhile since I got so close to giving into the thought and planning how I was going to do it, and between texting my aunts with the computer news and asking for help, I’d also told my friend about the computer news but asked if we could talk when I got home?

I’d also started panicking and thought I was misremembering what the front desk DOR people told me about when I could pick up my new laptop and bring a ride, so I emailed my counselor and asked about how long the laptop would remain at that location saying that the soonest I could get help would be next Wednesday.

I didn’t hear back from my friend till I was home with Taco Bell I shouldn’t have gotten (but felt like a better option then physically harming myself) and brought home a prescription refill since it was on the way.

My friend told me that she couldn’t talk because she was going to a baseball game, and since I hadn’t mentioned the rising self-harm thoughts to her yet I decided to not say anything about it because I didn’t want to ruin her night out.

I instead told her to have a nice time, that I’d work through some stuff in therapy tomorrow and that today had just been unfortunately timed in addition to everything (but I didn’t add that it was also poorly timed because I’ve been quietly anxious over my upcoming hysteroscopy on Friday), and because I was trying to really sell how okay I was I asked her to tell me who I’m supposed to boo in order to support her team. I teasingly booed the Rays and told her to have a nice time.

I ate my dinner, watched YouTube, and much later texted my aunt who is going on a trip starting Friday (which ruins the vague plan I’d made to ask her for help during my hysteroscopy appointment, and now I know my other aunt is busy with work all week too). I told her that though I hadn’t heard back from my counselor yet that I was sure that it would still be there by Wednesday, the day she offered. I thanked her for her help and asked her to have a nice time on her trip.

I dreamt very little. I was constantly tossing and turning then woke up finally around 4 a.m. to prepare for my big gynecologist appointment.

I pushed all the trash cans and recycle bins off the curb as quietly as I could before 6 a.m. so everything was ready for my neighbor who agreed to give me a hand this afternoon and haul it all back for me.

I got to my appointment early because the only other option was to get there late on the bus.

The appointment went as well as I expected it to.

I spoke with the gynecologist and I changed the type of medicine I take to regulate my period because my birth control hasn’t been working as well over the last year or so. I’ll start taking Medroxyprogesterone for ten days a month to trigger a period.

The actual hysteroscopy had its painful moments. I experienced enough pain when the speculum was inserted that a second gynecologist examined my cervix to make sure that I didn’t have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease.

I knew I’d have to have a local because the only other pain management I’d gotten was two ibuprofen I’d taken before I left the house and a big ibuprofen shot I got once I was settled in the examination room. There were three shots of lidocaine injected on or around my cervix- the first was a simple pinch, I barely felt the second, and the third one was the deepest and most awful.

After that they prepared the little camera that was going in along with a tube that would inflate my uterus with fluid so it was easier to see things. I was sort of like a water balloon for a little bit, but they turned the screen so I could see what they were examining. There were no large fibroids or polyps, but they found a small one and another on my cervix.

They did a D&C to remove the polyps they could see and some endometrial tissue that was preparing to detach with my upcoming period. They took samples for testing, detached me from the various tools, and let me rest while the nurse set up my next appointment. I was able to clean up, get dressed, and shoved the sort of warm heat pack used during the procedure into the front of my jeans so the cramps wouldn’t bother me too much.

I got home and spoke to my mom like she asked, told my older sister the good news about the procedure being done, and let my aunts know.

I’ve been resting with a heating pad for the cramps.

I took a nap this afternoon and dreamt that I was cleaning up outside and listening to tenant complaints about dumped trash in the back of our property. I found a set of doors that were removed and stuffed behind our trash cans.

As I turned around I suddenly found myself in a bedroom that I thought was my mother’s. It wasn’t but as I was going to leave I noticed a large snake, a strange cobra rattlesnake hybrid so it had both a hood and a rattle, that was writhing in some kind of web stuck on the wall.

It was well constructed enough that it was nearly a bubble that contained it but I was stuck on the spot staring at it because I was sure that once I looked away it would get away and hide somewhere to bite my mother. I kept wondering how it got in and kept glancing at a locked doggie door on the wall and looking back at the snake.

Someone else came in, that same complaining neighbor, and stared at the snake with me. She decided that the best thing to do would be to get it off the wall but I wanted to make sure I could trap it before it could hide somewhere else.

She took this aerosol spray can and began spraying the snake web. It dissolved the web and freed the snake, but I don’t know what happened next because I woke up.

It is a coping mechanism for her unluckily. But it makes your time together more precious in a way. I hope that you are having a good day!

The community cat that I’m friends with was hit by a car this morning. I saw it all happen. He was able to run away down an alley, and me and my neighbor’s friend went down the alley to see if we could find him. Another neighbor walked with me down the alley again later to see if we could ask around or spot him. No luck.

I stuck around outside doing more Friday trash day chores even though I didn’t want to anymore, but I wanted to see if the cat would emerge from his hiding place. I just want to see if he’s okay.