I need to go to the dentist but I am ashamed

@Mashedpotato364 Oh man - I feel for you I really do. I'm sorry your teeth are bothering you and I understand the depression and how tooth brushing - well any hygiene can take a back seat when it's real bad

Hi thanks for your response and for understanding.

It's definitely not right! I want to say something when they do but haven't been able to in the past, partially because they are usually in my mouth at the time but mostly because my trauma response is freeze so in those moments I have an incredibly hard time saying anything. I have medical truma so any appointment always has me on high alert. It's something else I have shame about. Like why can't I just say or do things in the moment instead of letting terrible things happen to me? (Not just talking about the dentist here)

I have tried several different ones over the years so yes I am going to start new. Explainng before hand is something I want to do. However I don't trust that whoever I talk to will relay the message or know well enough if the dentist will be willing to be more compassionate. Like I don't trust people's opinions of other people. I do think it would be good to try that though. Once I get up the courage to call.

That's a good idea. I have been using mouthwash some days but a stronger kind might be better.

Thanks. I hope so.

@Mashedpotato364 I totally get what you mean. I'm really good at giving suggestions but I have a hard time speaking up too. I freeze and go quiet. I get so nervous the day of appointments - I can't eat and my stomach acts up. I have a hard time having people physically close to me sometimes and you know how close dentists get - not cool

Thank you for understanding what is like and I'm also sorry you do. I couldn't find an email address but was able to call them and ask about a sedative after some time. I have canceled and rescheduled several times not and am hoping to keep the appointment in a few days. I appreciate your replys and they have helped me to take the next step in getting things taken care of. 💜

@Mashedpotato364 You're welcome :) I'm so proud of you for calling! And for asking for a sedative! Its ok to cancel and reschedule - it says alot that you're rescheduling. Its when we cancel and just leave it at that is what ends up causing us more problems

@Mashedpotato364 I can truly understand how u must be feeling , its really important, coz if u dont take care of it now , it may lead to worsening of the situation .. the infection can penetrate the local barriers and may infect the surrounding structures and it can lead to serious complications, i can say that being a doctor myself …. It’s difficult amid all the shame and stigma u have been feeling , but dentists are really professionals , they are trained for it and they dont judge anyone .. its really important for u to visit and get proper treatment so that u can be more confident about urself … my best wishes for u .. i hope u get ur confident smile back 😊😊😊

I can see how you are coming from a place of concern, however saying that no one judges or shamed people is invalidating and not true. Especially considering I literally said that dentists have done it too me multiple times before.

Tell them that you have anxiety about going to the dentist and ask for the gas. It will take you out of your head a little bit. Just remember, as people age, they have dental issues. The dentists and hygienists have seen it all. Use parodontax toothpaste in the interim. Call and make the appointment. You can always cancel.

Thanks. I finally worked up the courage to call for an appointment and sobbed immediately after hanging up and had an anxiety attack but I did it. Then I have been cancelling and rescheduling the appointment the past few weeks and I finally have one set up in a few days that I am hoping I can keep and they said they can give me and oral sedative. Ive been using the toothpaste. Idk if it's helped or not but it's something.

I have felt this exactly. I have such anxiety about the dentist in particular and have experienced rude staff that shame you for not making appointments and keeping up on things. It's really hard to overcome that initial block to make the appointments for me.i have a friend make the appointment and drive me. And then I explained my situation by writing it down and giving them the paper explaining I have anxiety and could they let the doctors/hygeniest know. It takes trying a lot to find kind people willing to help but they are out there. Good luck!

I'm sorry you have felt this and dealt w this too but thank you for understanding. I have been so ashamed that I haven't felt comfortable talking to my friends about what going on so I don't think I would want to ask them to help. Writing things down is a great idea and I might try that at my appointment in a few days. I called ahead and told them I had high anxiety and they are going to give me an oral sedative which should make things a bit easier.

I'm saddened and I feel for you because your dental situation is a source of distress. I'm hopeful, though, because I think your problems are solveable.

I'm going to break some active listening rules and even give advice. There are dentists called periodontists. They see lots of patients just like you. I guarantee you they see lots of patients that are much worse than you such as people whose teeth just fall out or people who end up in the hospital with big infections. Also, gum disease often looks worse to a layman than it actually is. Because of these things and because of their professionalism, periodontists and their staffs will treat you with compassion and put your problem in proper perspective. A lot of the time you can get much better in a hurry.

Periodontists see many anxious and dental phobic patients because they are the ones who get gum disease when they avoid dental cleanings. They are able to use laughing gas or antianxiety meds, too.

As far as scheduling, most offices have a "contact us" form online. You can state your issues and select an office that replies with compassion.

I know this is tough. I know a lot of phobic patients that became good dental patients once they bonded with the right office, too.

I know this is hard for you. I understand you've had bad experiences. Please take a leap of faith that there are dentists and staffs that are compassionate and caring. I'm rooting for you.

Thank you. That's a great suggestion and makes sense they would see more people w issues. I'll have to see if my insurance covers it.