I don't know if I'm depressed or not
Hello everyone.. I'm Cecilia and I'm 19 years old
Some things that happened lately have made me considerate the idea of having depression...
I have to say that I've always been quite introvert, which led me to be extremely lonely, but I've never really thought much about it. I always had some kind of "hope" that things would have worked out and stuff like that.
The last few years, especially this year, have been awful. If I had to think about some good memories out of these 2 years I would have almost nothing. I am always alone, always at home. I felt and still feel completely void.
I never thought it could be depression, but something happened in April which made me change my mind. Things were going as always, nothing traumatic happened, but for 1-2 weeks in a row I couldn't help but cry everyday. I felt completely hopeless, as if I had nothing to look forward to. When asked by my friend the reason why I was feeling like that, I had nothing to reply. In addition to that I tried to tell her the concern I had about depression and well that friend also didn't really understand and well you can imagine, she didn't really treat me good.
Months went by, feeling as sad as ever. I met a guy and we started hanging out, first time to ever happen in my life, and well even if he was nice and stuff I didn't really feel anything (nor love nor happiness). I'm really grateful that he came into my life exactly when I needed it the most, at least he made me feel as if I had some value. We still talk and well it's nice but still, I can't feel a thing.
Last week has been really hard for me, I layed in bed all day just thinking and crying because I fought with someone I thought I was in love with (really stupid because I never got to know him, I only just idealized him way too much) and well, I realized he's much worse than I thought and with that my last hope died. I realized that maybe love doesn't exists, and I've always been extremely romantic, I'm one of those who think that love conquers all.
Well I got over him but I didn't get over the fact that I am lonely. I feel as if I'll never be happy with anyone, and as if no one will ever understand me. I really did put all my hopes in that one person, and after he let me down, I don't even have hope anymore.
So now I'm spending my summer alone, in bed, staying up at the computer until late at night and waking up really late. I see these sunny days and wish I had someone to enjoy them with, but I don't even feel as getting out of my own house. When I had school I didn't notice how lonely I was because I was always busy and I was "forced" to go out, but now it just feels much realer.
I don't know if I'm depressed or not, I don't know if it's normal to spend each and every day alone at home. I just started crying again without a reason.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. It sounds like you're having a really rough time. We cannot diagnosis you here at 7cups since we aren't professionals but we can offer you support and empathy. I will tell you that you know yourself the best and if you think there's something wrong, there might be something wrong. I'm so sorry that you feel so alone, but 7cups is a good community where you can talk to other people with similar problems and maybe find some solace and validation that you are not alone in your struggles. If you ever need or want to talk, I'm always avaliable for a 1:1 and if not me there are so many other listeners who would love to chat with you. Thank you again for sharing and good luck on your journey.
@lovingPenguin11 Hey, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that you are not alone. This seems to be a similar experience that not only I but many people I love have gone through. Blueocean45 is right, That here on seven cups we can not diagnosis depression, I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you. Feel free to contact me or other listeners we are happy to be there for you! Be safe <3
@lovingPenguin11
Hi Penguin! Yes I see you cover a lot of topics like sadness, loneliness, shameful. Introverted. Most people think introverts are depressed just because they're do quiet and less outgoing than extroverts. However, this doesn't mean you're depressed. Maybe right now you're just feeling a little sad and lonely.
Depression doesn't just occur for a few days at a time. It occurs and keeps coming. If you feel you have less motivation, less energy, less focus and less hope. Then I'd say you were.