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lovingPenguin11
3,259 M Seeking Light
PathStep 21 Compassion hearts165 Forum posts25 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2020 Member sinceJuly 3, 2017
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I need to let it all out
Depression Support / by lovingPenguin11
Last post
 March 8th, 2018
...See more Hey everyone, I really need to express all the things that are oppressing me right now and I thought that would be the best place to do it. I feel on the verge of another crisis. I feel the loneliness growing inside of me. I have this oppressing feeling that in the end everything Im doing now will lead me to nothing. The people Im getting affectionate to will leave and my current life will change once again, before I can even get myself used to it. Everything Im building will go to waste. My dreams, thoughts, emotions, hopes, all useless. Ill get attached and Ill get used to people and routines and Ill end up suffering again when Ill realize that I dont matter to anyone. Its a life made of feeling out of place and trying to please others. I dont know how to go on and I have no motivation. Im scared of all these bad thoughts and of mind. Im scared Ill be the cause of my destruction.
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I don't know if I'm depressed or not
Depression Support / by lovingPenguin11
Last post
 July 7th, 2017
...See more Hello everyone.. I'm Cecilia and I'm 19 years old Some things that happened lately have made me considerate the idea of having depression... I have to say that I've always been quite introvert, which led me to be extremely lonely, but I've never really thought much about it. I always had some kind of "hope" that things would have worked out and stuff like that. The last few years, especially this year, have been awful. If I had to think about some good memories out of these 2 years I would have almost nothing. I am always alone, always at home. I felt and still feel completely void. I never thought it could be depression, but something happened in April which made me change my mind. Things were going as always, nothing traumatic happened, but for 1-2 weeks in a row I couldn't help but cry everyday. I felt completely hopeless, as if I had nothing to look forward to. When asked by my friend the reason why I was feeling like that, I had nothing to reply. In addition to that I tried to tell her the concern I had about depression and well that friend also didn't really understand and well you can imagine, she didn't really treat me good. Months went by, feeling as sad as ever. I met a guy and we started hanging out, first time to ever happen in my life, and well even if he was nice and stuff I didn't really feel anything (nor love nor happiness). I'm really grateful that he came into my life exactly when I needed it the most, at least he made me feel as if I had some value. We still talk and well it's nice but still, I can't feel a thing. Last week has been really hard for me, I layed in bed all day just thinking and crying because I fought with someone I thought I was in love with (really stupid because I never got to know him, I only just idealized him way too much) and well, I realized he's much worse than I thought and with that my last hope died. I realized that maybe love doesn't exists, and I've always been extremely romantic, I'm one of those who think that love conquers all. Well I got over him but I didn't get over the fact that I am lonely. I feel as if I'll never be happy with anyone, and as if no one will ever understand me. I really did put all my hopes in that one person, and after he let me down, I don't even have hope anymore. So now I'm spending my summer alone, in bed, staying up at the computer until late at night and waking up really late. I see these sunny days and wish I had someone to enjoy them with, but I don't even feel as getting out of my own house. When I had school I didn't notice how lonely I was because I was always busy and I was "forced" to go out, but now it just feels much realer. I don't know if I'm depressed or not, I don't know if it's normal to spend each and every day alone at home. I just started crying again without a reason.
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