Failure
Hey everyone, so I’ve struggled with feeling like a failure since middle school. Growing up I was always compared to other people and never felt like I was good enough even if I got all A’s. That has carried over into adulthood, my marriage, and even my parenting. It’s become so much of my story that I constantly feel like I’m letting my wife and kids down if everything isn’t perfect. It’s affected me so much in the last year that I just feel like I’m being crushed by the weight. I figured this was a good place to make a step towards dealing with this since it’s hard for me to open up or even admit I need help. Thanks for taking the time to read if you made it this far.
Hi @easyPlum8661 I'm glad you reaching out here.
I get the picture. it is hard indeed.
Perfectionism, habit of comparing yourself with others, limiting beliefs (I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, and so on) are some of the ingredients to crush self-esteem.
How do you feel about that?
And what options you have in mind to overcome those?
♡ Chérie
____________Kindly note, this is not an advice in anyway ♡
Honestly I don’t know what to feel. In a sense I’ve been having to relearn how to feel almost like my kids are. For pretty much my whole life I’ve had to suppress my emotions and keep everything bottled up. I’ve been working through a lot of things with a buddy of mine and just unspooling what’s in my head. I love to be out in nature and especially in the spring and summer I’m at my happiest when I can just go to the woods, sit in the grass and just listen. Unfortunately I live in an area where we get a lot of snow and cold weather during the winter months so it’s harder to stay out for long periods of time so I try to read or do something to occupy my mind and distract me. Our family has had a really rough last 2 years with health issues and financial struggles and so that has really added to those feelings of self-loathing. It’s hard to open up but I’ve come to realize that I can’t be there for my family if I don’t take care of myself so I’m trying to take control of my self esteem and my emotions so I can be the best version of myself that my family deserves
That is a great thinking @easyPlum8661 to overcome self-loathing and boost self-esteem in order to be the rock for your family ♡
I'm aware that dealing with health and financial issues are unbelievably hard... hang in there 🍀
Keep going, we're all on this life journey together here. I hope it will get better and smoother for you soon.
♡ Chérie
____________Kindly note, this is not an advice in anyway ♡
Your the male version of me. Well there’s no miracle cure for your feelings. I think change starts with yourself. The only thing different is I have a 12 yr old who is wicked difficult so that causes a lot of issues. But even if your inside you can find some pretty cool hobbies! Like you I feel a lot better away from people so I take mine to the extreme I go all the way deep into the mountains. It’s relaxing only place I truly feel free. Way I see it there’s always going to be bills so why worry about them so much. All’s you can do is try your best.
I absolutely love going into the mountains. Haven’t been out in a long time but as a kid I used to go on camping trips up into the Rockies and truly felt like everything was right with the work when hiking a trail and refilling my canteen from an ice cold spring. My kids are 6, 4, and 1 so that’s where a big stresser is. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who recharges better away from people!
Maybe try and take a day trip. We do that especially in summer we let the kids play in the river and find crystals. And when we are shooting guns the kids remain inside with like a tablet now we got the switch so the kids are extra quiet so it’s more like my husband and I like to take the time to talk and joke and explore cuz who doesn’t love exploring!
That’s a great idea! My kids always love when I take them to the range and let them squeeze off a few rounds. My wife and I are planning a day trip next weekend just the 2 of us so we can reconnect and really find out how each of us are doing. She has had her own struggles with mental health recently and working with her and trying to help her was what opened my eyes to my own struggles so we are on this journey side by side like we’ve done since we got married.
I also struggle with self worth/ self esteem issues and feeling like a failure. I had to identify (with the help of my therapist) that I intertwined self worth and success/ productivity etc.. the next step I have to take is to separate those two thoughts, because well everyone has self worth. While it wasn't and is not easy to apply those rules to myself and I am working on trying being more self compassionate. And I am not fully there and still feel bad about myself but it gets better with time. That's the key in my experience is self compassion. It takes work but the more you practice being kind and understanding to yourself like you would your family and friends when they are in similar situations.(as corny as it sounds) I even got a self compassion workbook maybe if you want to check it out : "The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive"
I hope you are doing better♡