Depression = Confusion
I'm Rae. My life is a big bowl of confusion. I am 17 years old and have depression. I suffered alone for 2 years before last June when I had a break down and my parent found out. I have gone to therapy once a week for it. My therapist, Kelly, asked me to go on a website like this because I don't have anyone close by that understands what I am going through. I thought it was a good idea too so here I am. It is so hard to even think of what to say or where to start. Depression seems like an endless cycle to me. It pops up in some way, shape, or form and messes with my head. I think I figure it out but then it plays tricks on me. I am happy one second and its gone the next. I then feel alone, sad, suicidal, I want to self harm; but then, I somehow pull it together (or at least recentlyI have). As of today I am 3 weeks clean from self harming but I think of it every day. I have medication that i haven't been taking for the last month and was first prescribed at the beginning of November. When I go to therapy I don't know what to say, it's hard to explain the emotions and thoughts going on inside my head. This results in me feeling stupid and crazy. I understand that this post is a big blob of a bunch of things but I cant seem to sort my thoughts. Can anyone relate?
I can definitely relate I'm depressed and I tried therapy but I really just couldn't describe or explain how I was feeling. I totally understand but I'm sorry to say I don't know what to do either.
I am sorry you can relate. It is definitely hard to let my therapist know what is going on but she tries to sort my mind as best and she can, I have come some way since I first went. I wouldn't say I am close to the light at the end of the tunnel but if I am lucky I can see a glimpse sometimes. Thanks for replying.
Your description is eloquent and makes it really clear to understand what you're feeling, at least on a logical level. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective. I hope that this is a place you can find a welcoming and helpful community.
Thanks for sharing - and your description is spot on. It's horribly unfair that you and all the others (including me) on this site have been afflicted with this incredibly challenging condition - and what makes it more unfair is that the people around us can have difficulty understanding and giving the right kind of support. But know you are not alone, and that people are here that care deeply.
I totally understandthe feeling of thinking you know what's going on and as soon as you think you can cope with it, it pulls out some other trick and drags you back down. It's a tricky beast, depression.
I have to say I'm a little glad you aren't taking the meds. In my opinion, pills don't solve everything and I am very skeptical towards the experts who say depression is just a chemical imbalance and a magic pill will solve all your problems. There is definitely a mental component to it, it's not all biological.
I also have trouble opening up to people about how I feel when they inquire about my depression. I used to just block people out, thinking I could handle it on my own. It's hard to bring order to the chaos in your mind long enough to articulate your feelings to someone who has never struggled with it before. I like 7 cups because a lot of what I feel people have already shared. And because of that I feel a lot less isolated.
I agree, meds aren't always the answer. I have to say that I was for it when I was asked. I figured there is no harm in trying it and thought maybe it is just a chemical imbalance. The more I thought about it the more I disagreed with the pills. I am depressed, it is me with the negative thoughts, it's me who hates my life, it's me who is going through this, so how is possible that taking a pill each day will fix it? If it did it would have to change me completely. I have firm beliefs about the world and society that aredepressing. Medication can't stop me from being who I am.I think I will always resent life in some way but I feel like I can change it to some extent that can be tolerable for me to be able to live life. I now know medscan't help me with my depression.
I have to agree with you- it's mostly the mental aspect of it. Basically sorting out which of your thoughts are real and which are just taking you away from the present. It's definitely not an easy road. But I think a lot of it is realizing that your feelings are valid simply because you feel them. And that you're not alone in your struggles and that it's okay to be flawed, because you're only human.