Coping with the chaos
Well I've never actually been diagnosed with depression as I've never seen a specialist for it. And well I just feel like writing this.
Lately I've been feeling the void a little less, the chaos seems to be less overwhelming and the i just don't feel that weighted down. It's okay. It's kind of funny because this season of grey cold weather usually makes it harder, I'm going through a break up I guess, just finally letting that on and off thing go. And usually I've always focused so intensively on one thing or person to kind of have that in my head instead of all the scary thoughts. But I'm actually able to let go of things which I barely managed before and I feel okay, almost weirdly good. I still think about death there and now but in a very peaceful way. After a long beautiful life. I want that long beautiful life.
I'm okay, somewhat at peace. Doing the most ordinary things, getting coffee before work, walking through the city with all the pretty lights, talking to friends again and it's okay. I feel positive about the future and that it will work out with what I want to achieve.
But there is still this chaos around me. The thing that just happened over months and years of not being able to get out of bed regularly, not answering messages, not expressing who I really am and can be and I'm not sure how to organize it. That, the chaos of the past feels overwhelming. So I do kind of wonder if it's actually possible to completely move on somehow
@dreamingworlds It's a good question. Personally, I think that hoping to leave the past behind completely is unreasonable, but to leave it behind for all practical purposes is certainly possible. I imagine you might always be able to tell the story of how chaotic things once were and how you came to be at peace.
But also, there is some degree of chaos and depression in everyone's life. For that reason, being able to let go of things and feel positive about the future is essential, I think.
Charlie
