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Back into the fray

niceAcai9918 September 18th, 2016
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I have been doing much better. Lots of therapy. Lots of learning about myself. I respond better to unhealthy thoughts, my inner adult takes charge more often when I need her. Therapist said I wasn't in crisis mode anymore - we've moved to preventative. And it's been going better. But lately I've been having cryfits again. Spending lots of time alone in the dark again. Not taking care of myself. Casual dark thoughts never left. It was just "so this is what it's like to be functioning - not enough."

I don't feel good. I don't know how to say to my therapist that my toes are in the water of another breakdown. I don't know how to say I'm tired and don't want to fight. I keep pushing but the cracks keep getting bigger.

I don't know. I just don't know

2
Roadie September 18th, 2016
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Hi @niceAcai9918

Recovery from Depression can be like a Rollercoaster. You feel as though you're making progress and then you take a small step back. It's pretty scary isn't it but it's something that a lot of us who have gotten through have experienced. Don't be afraid to talk to your therapist about how you're feeling. That's what they're there for and that's what you need for yourself. Things will get better but recovery is about learning to manage those little steps back before they become big steps back. You'll get there but you need to be strong in fighting the urge to give up. Honesty and openness with your therapist are a great first step.

You can do this my friend. All the best.

GentleRayn511 September 21st, 2016
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@niceAcai9918

Like Roadie said, depression can be a rollercoaster ride. Once you start to feel better, you feel safe enough to explore the dark side and it comes back. Tell your therapist before it overwhelms you. You have come so far and been so strong. I know you have the courage to take that next step. Being open and telling your therapistis how you fight back, how you overcome. You are not alone though, we are all hear to support you on your journey. Remember that, and how far you have already come. This is just another step on the road to recovery. Love and light to you hun!