One thing I am feeling sad about today is....
Today Im feeling sad about my family. Feeling sad that I constantly the scapegoat with then and easily forgotten and dropped by them
How people judge others. I can be judgmental but aside from my husband, I try not to be. I suffer from anxiety but it's mostly triggered by the stress in my household. I have terrible sleeping patterns but at the moment, it's fine. I am actually happy that I don't have friends because I would have to dedicate time to them and I just don't want the hassle of them wanting me to go out. I can't afford it and I feel my time is precious even if I'm home. I don't mind going out alone but my husband is insecure and codependent so that is usually an argument. I love myself and I really enjoy life. Its those times when anxiety hits. Usually my husband drowning in a cup of water. Not being able to find solutions and everything is the end of the world. His lack of employment and how I resent being his "Mom" because that's how I feel. He does these driving jobs that add miles to the new car and he never has money for gas. So yes, it pisses me off and I can't stand to even hear his voice. That is my trigger for anxiety and well, those are the darkest days but I manage to kick myself back to my "functioning" and refuse to do much of anything until I am out of this marriage. I'm content staying in bed during the day and up at night because I don't have to interact with my "son" and that allows me to have a good day. I honestly didn't even want to go to the gym because he will start bothering me. Telling me he wants us to be together. I despise that so I really didn't want to go and wait.
The point is that the more I accomplish while with him, the harder it's going to be to get him out of my life. The bottom line here is that he is my trigger. This semester, I have to be honest, I had no motivation. Why? Because he decided to go to school too. I had to share the computer and honestly, I feel that everything I do he wants to do. Doing school work while he is doing school work just put me off.
I'm a very smart woman. A hard worker and I never give up. I believe that this is why he doesn't want to leave. So you see, why should I go above and beyond? I'll be out soon enough and I will be able to be myself. I will accomplish everything I've set out to do. I got this...I'm just not gonna have it now.
Seriously, I love myself and the person that I know I am. I miss me actually. However, as you can see, it's obvious that my relationship is not allowing me to move forward. I have the divorce papers, I just need to file them with the courts and I feel like it's never going to come. It will tho and I'll be really happy!!
I feel sad and I miss my late mother terribly. This is the month I lost her 16 yrs ago and I just can't seem to deal with the trauma it scared me with. I have been crying and struggling everyday. It makes my depression much worse and I am having trouble functioning. I this pain so much......my heart aches.
@bgdave I'm so sorry. I lost my mother in December too. I didn't have a good relationship there but I still hurt then. I will keep you in my prayers.
Many hugs!!
@lavenderOrange4849 thank you for your kindness. I hope you are getting through the month ok. You are also in my prayers. Hugs...
@bgdave I lost my mom three Decembers ago. I think it makes the holiday season harder because I remember how much she loved it. I wish I had some good tips on how to get through this but I am struggling with it myself and not very successfully. I feel for you, though, it's horrid.
Today I feel sad that I don't have more than one friend. Somtimes I wonder if she even likes me or is she just lonely.
nothing makes me happy anymore
Our current financial situation, but I have faith in God my wife and myself that we will overcome this bump in the road and achieve much more than ever before.
Everything
Honestly life in general...Im tired of always feeling like Im not good enough and every day Im reminded of it
I don't really know. Literally, I don't really know what direction my life is going. I'm a really nice person but there must be something very wrong with me. I can't seem to get my life together and achieve my dreams. 
@lavenderOrange4849
I feel the same way about myself and my life. You are def not alone with this.
@lavenderOrange4849 answering myself, I have made the commitment to just let go. I deleted pictures. It was hard so dammed hard. I loved this person and their family. I thought the world of them and they thought I was shit. I'm probably going to get physically sick. I wish I could stop it. They will make fun of that too. I can't stop from getting sick. I can't change who I am. I can only be a good person. Know that I am worth something and this too shall pass. I can feel my body reacting to my emotions. Life can be so cruel and well it just is. What were the chances of me meeting... it doesn't matter. I just hope this person doesn't try to harm me. They know a lot about me and it concerns me. I am sad. I am heart broken. I am numb. I am so sad and I don't understand. Please pray for me. I need so much prayer. I'm devastated, hurt, angry and scared.
