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Fear of judgement and guilt of isolation
dreamycafelover June 7th, 2016
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I've been avoiding any form of contact with my old friends and family members (except my parents) because I have an intense fear of how they're going to react when they see me. Deactivated my account and blocked all calls from them.. I can imagine the disgusted look in their faces. I fear those repeated hurtful words. Like those words are already latched on me,kept on repeating over and over again. It affected how much I see myself now. I can't move on from it. I can't accept what has become of me today.

Is it a right thing to do to isolate myself until I can recover. I feel like a coward because I can't face them. But I know what's more important to me is to recover. I didn't even have close friends to begin with. Can I just continue my relationship with new people who would not judge me harshly. Those who accepted me for what I am now. Do I need to reconnect with old friends if it is critical to my recovery. I know deep inside me that my sacrifice in giving up previous relationships will be worth it. If they are truly my friends, they'll understand why I did that someday.

4
RoubinaMinassianLMFT June 7th, 2016
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@dreamycafelover

Hi Dreamy Cafe Lover... I love cafes as well.

I was reading your post and it sounds like you know what you want to do. It sounds like ending (for now at least) previous relationships is what you need in your recovery. I think you have to do what is best for you in order to heal from whatever you are going through. I also think it is important to build a new support system though. It is typically not healthy to isolate from everyone and everything new. So maybe.... Join some support groups for now? Make some new friends?
Your previous friends will have to understand your needs and respect your wishes. If you are having a hard time telling them that you beed distance, perhaps you can write an email or even an old school snail mail?
dreamycafelover OP June 8th, 2016
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@RoubinaMinassianLMFT

dreamycafelover OP June 8th, 2016
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@RoubinaMinassianLMFT

Hi Roubina! Great! I usually read there, one of the places I'm at peace.

Thanks for understanding. Anyway, is it necessary to inform them that I need to distance myself from them? They'll just probably think I'm being overly dramatic. I don't have another set of relationships yet.. I'm still not that open to them, trying to create meaningful relationships.

RoubinaMinassianLMFT June 8th, 2016
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@dreamycafelover

Hey there,

So I don't think that you necessarily need to inform them that you need to distance yourself, but sometimes that is a good way of being assertive and indicating what your needs are. If you feel like you will get negative feedback and that it will affect you.... then just let it be you know. When I work with clients that are recovering from addiction (not insinuating you are) I usually ask them to see if they think notifying their current friends that they will distance themselves is emotionally safe or not (will they trigger me? will they try to convince me otherwise? will they understand me? will they make fun of me?) before they do so.

Also, I don't know your situation and you know what is best for your needs so if you feel you are not yet ready for new friendships then take your time. Get some sort of a positive support system going though.... we all need to feel like we belong somewhere.

Good Luck!!

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